How do you handle the loneliness?

This group is saving my sanity. I have two things to say here. First, my husband is in the fairly early stage of Alzheimer's and refuses to admit it. We need to discuss how we're going to plan for the future, consider housing, finances, and long-term care when it becomes necessary. Every time I try to talk to him about any of this, he says he'll just find another place to live and accuses me of throwing him out. He's too aware of things for me to just forge ahead on my own but won't meet me halfway to discuss anything. How do I handle this? Second, I feel so sorry for my husband and understand that this is very difficult for him. He's always prided himself on his intelligence. Losing mental capacity is just about the worst nightmare situation for him. Our marriage isn't the same as it was. We're both in our seventies (I'm within spitting distance of 80; he's 76) and got married when he was 55, he for the first time, me for the third. Of course, neither of us expected anything like this to happen, but here it is and I'm determined to do the best I can for him for as long as I can. He apparently doesn't understand that this is hard for me too. Maybe he's incapable of understanding but if you were to talk to him you'd realize that in many ways he's totally with it. I feel isolated and lonely. I love email and am in contact with several friends and that helps a lot. I'm also reconnected with an old college boyfriend and we email frequently. We haven't seen each other in 60 years, but we enjoy this renewed friendship and the conversation the internet makes possible. I wouldn't want my husband to know how much I've come to depend on my friend's support, but without it I know I'd be much worse off. It's very difficult when the person you can be open and honest with is no longer your own husband. I want to protect and care for my husband. I love him. But without friendship I'd be lost. I don't know if this in any way answers tooyoungforthis's question, but I do understand how hard this is, especially as you have no idea how long it's going to last. My 40-something grandniece has brain cancer, a husband, and two young boys. My heart goes out to everyone who is struggling. It's important, I believe, to have somewhere you can feel safe telling your whole truth. This is that place.

Exactly. I think there is a common perception by the public that dementia is about a person losing their memories. They have no idea how much more there is to it…..the difficult behavior, repeating over and over, making unreasonable demands, placing things in odd locations, being argumentative for no reason, resisting care, fixating, toileting dysfunction, etc. The caregiver is on constant alert. I suspect that is why caregiving brings so much fatigue. I admire all of you who do it, but years of this have convinced me to pass the baton to someone else. I’ll return here and post all about it. I see it as a good thing.

Please don't let guilt from this renewed friendship cause you to end it. To be able to get support is a very valuable thing, especially from a friend who is removed from the situation and can offer a fresh perspective.

Prayers to you and your husband!I know it's hard I'm going through this with my 86 yo mom! Not the exact same thing but I can relate to you!

Yes. I'm at least like the average American. For decades I thought dementia, like Alzheimer's, was all about memory like "They don't remember who you are." Not even close! In my personal experience it's really mostly about abnormal and degenerative behaviors. It's like the brain is disintegrating in a way.

At some point they need 24/7 care to watch over everything. Most of the caregivers I have seen and know personally are truly the greatest humanitarians. I used to think I was a good person. I don't even come close to their level! They are like angels.

8 years, made especially challenging by the paranoia. Did you check with the doctor re anti psychotic meds? Loneliness. I tried out a half dozen on-line support groups and have winnowed it down to two. One is the Phoenix Mayo clinic Caring for the Caregiver on Thurs afternoon. The other is also from Mayo in Phoenix. I have learned to meditate. My husband and I walk a few miles when the weather is nice. Would your husband do that, either with or without you? Btw, we were never walkers. Do you have a Memory Cafe where you live? It's a social opportunity for both the caregiver and the person with cognitive issues. I wish you continued strength.

What a cruel disease for both of you, and for your life being constricted at such a young age. My situation is nowhere near as dire as yours, but I sometimes feel like a prisoner in my own home. It's a treat to get out for a while, even if I'm accused of "meeting" someone when I come home. Find things that bring you pleasure and try not to get too isolated.