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My wife suddenly died next to me after 40 WONDERFUL years of marriage
I was married for 40 spectacular years. She died next to me in bed almost instantly having an MI ( heart attack) in bd next to me. I still cry every single day. My two sons said that their mm and I were closer that they have ever known. Needless to say, it was like a ton to f bricks hitting me in the head!! Psychiatrist prescribed four anti-depressants to take at bedtime. My medication list looks like an old inventory of Walgreens. I tried dating 3x but none of them worked out. I paid for three expensive dinners and it was a waste of money. Yup , heart my SS. My sone who is an Alzheimer’s and Dementia expert told me I should have gone to three coffee shops, but it felt cheap doing it that way. After dinner two of them just got up and went to their cars, and the third at least said thank you and good bye. Hey, I am no Brad Pitt but I am no Quasimodo either. So now I don’t know where to turn. I hardly ever see or talk to my sons since they are both very busy! I told one of my daughters-in-laws that I was upset about losing my wife. Her immediate response was “You know your son lost a mother and you forget that!” What, anyway just needed to talk to someone and let it out. Yes, had a therapist but it was a waste of time! Both my sons said I am too trusting and too giving. Is that a fault ? Not to me.
Anyway, that is my story and I’m tired of taking all those meds. Physician said don’t stop taking them. I’ll see how it goes from here on. No more dating for me. It wasn’t the money I spent, it was the hurt of hate three women just walk away from me. So now, time will tell!!
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It’s interesting that I’m hearing from other husbands who also lost their wives after being married for a long time. Yes it’s tough because it seems like last year, not 2015! No dating for me, and FYI I still wear my wedding ring. When we got married it was for a lifetime!
Appreciate your kind comments. I was elected to our board of directors for our condo association and luckily that keeps me busy. She died in 2015 however the level of grief has never changed. Taking 4 anti depressant night and I hate it!
She passed in 2015 but I grieve every day. Part of my problem is that we have a very tiny family and I never see my two sons or my grandchildren except at birthday parties, and that HURTS! They just doin understand it. They only have one parent now but they obviously don’t care.
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1 ReactionSorry but I don’t understand that you don’t appreciate my DIL comment. I have no idea what you mean, however I still am grateful that you responded to my post.
Ah, but if only what you say were true. I have a tiny family. Everyone else gone except two sons, their wives and their children. I hardly ever see my sons, except maybe at birthday parties. I wish my daughters-in-laws would contact me but not happening. As far as friends, I have a couple of fresher I live, but they are busy with their families. If it wasn’t for my 4 legged companion I’d be all alone. Still tough for me every day since 2015!!
Forgive me for getting off topic here, as I only knew one person with the same name and her last name was Jones, lovely woman!
I have tried group therapy, grief counseling, personal therapist, but they never helped me. The advice they gave me was kind and caring, but not for me. I will never date again, plus people ask me why I’m still wearing my wedding ring since 2015. My answer is that I married for life!
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1 ReactionHello, May I call you friend, I am sorry for your lose.what you been through is no small thing, the pain you are experiencing is unimaginable, Medicine can be very helpful, but too much of anything containing so many chemical is not good for anyone. You will make it through this just take it one day at a time. With much respect may I tell you how I would work toward healing, If I were financially able I would move , If I was not able to move,If you haven't already I would get all bedding and bed in the room the two of you shared out of the house. I would remove all pictures of my late spouse for NOW. I would also move into another bed room. I would seek a friend male or female not for intimacy but companionship who does not mind me talking talking, talking about my feelings
And experience, as this friend goes through life journey, walking, over coffee, over reasonable price meals, going places.
This friend must understand, who they see, is not who you are. You are wounded emotionally and mentally.
let them know you are an exceptionally wonderful person, and the time invested in you and being patient will reap rich future relationships for them and yourself. You did not say anything concerning Faith in God, with much respect and not pushing religion on you. I would read my Bible everyday
and pray. Thank God for this beautiful person he give you,pray you meet again, I would thank God for the years you shared. Pray for healing mentally and emotionally.
One day at time, don't worry able how long it is taking. listen to new music, not music the two of you shared, You may not want those memory's at this time. I am sorry for your lose.
Curious, but not asking, were you thinking of romance without the possibility of marriage with the dinner companions. It may be that you were/are unsure.
It seems that you need family. You probably have great skill with raising boys. You might think about foster parenting. It's impermanent and can bring tremendous joy.
Oh, the daughter-in-law that doesn't call. I don't think you'd forgotten that your sons lost their mother.
Ten years might mean that you'd be ready for a relationship or that you will never be ready. But don't quit in discouragement. There are too many lonely people out there that you could help.
Don’t know what a DIL comment is!
Thanks! Not looking for any sort of relationship. I still wear my wedding ring since I married once for a lifetime. Had dinner with three ladies and wasted a lot of money, no more!