Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

I am so afraid that I am doing more damage than good. I am afraid to see a team remove him from the house. He will never trust me and may hate me. I am so scared call!

You can not reason with him so don't even try. From what you wrote it sounds like he has a diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. And with that decrease in Haldol, no matter how small, it can certainly not help - but increase symptoms.
A good response for you would be something like "I understand you feel that way but I am not hearing any voices now but I know you do". Of course, said in a very gentle, non-confrontation way. Bringing him back to reality - right now, is not possible. Do not confront him or say anything to the effect "you are very sick, there are no voices". It will not help but hurt the situation. Be accepting, supportive and loving. Distractions of any kind might help him ground himself(?) Right now is there anyone (family, friend, religious support, etc.) you can speak to and let them know of your present situation with your son? You need support, if nothing else they can provide you.
I more than hear you about calling 911 yourself. No parent wants to be the "bad" guy, no parent wants to feel they "betrayed" their child. An extremely difficult situation. Try calling a local chapter of NAMI who can advise you.
And certainly notify his psychiatrist and therapist if he has one, does your son have a hospital "portal" in which you an even email his treatment team? Is he associated with a mental health clinic?
Call them and report everything going on with him and you fear of calling 911. They should advise you.
In situations exactly like yours - ALL families are in a terrible dilemma. Try to put the "onus" on a professional in calling 911. You are living with him. Try to step back and correctly judge his situation. He is deteriorating?
Are the voices increasing? Is his paranoia increasing? Is he taking his medications? Is he sleeping, eating...is he in a constant state of agitation? Threatening to you or others? As hard as this is, if all what I just wrote is true...an intervention is warranted.
Try to reach out to someone to start action. I don't have to tell you he needs help. His psychiatrist must know that his/her recent medication adjusted for him has had a negative effect on his mental status - not positive.
His doctor must know this! All the best.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel like my resources are failing me. Friday I had reached out to NAMI explained the situation. They connected me with the BEST Team. After I explained the situation during the intake call, they said some one would call me back. They never did. Rior weeks I've called his psychiatrist office annd asked for his dr. To call me. Afterall I was on the phone when he suggested de reasing his meds. He never followed up on him afterwards. He has called me back in the past. I've had it with him.. He has set my son up for a relapse! I'm trying to get a referral for him to see someone else for medication mgmnt. He isn't agitated. He does sleep late and has an appetite. It's the voices that concerns me. I do have support from my family. But at the end of the day, the ball is in my court and I'm struggling with it!

So sorry to hear you reached out to NAMI and his doctor with no success. Sadly this happens a lot.
Of course, you could simply go to NAMI family meetings for supprt but you need help now.
If it was me, I would try his psychiatrist office again and ask to speak to a RN if he has one...or if associated with a clinic, a RN or the office manager, to voice my concerns and lack of communication from his doctor.
Yes, do continue to get a referral from another physician for medication management. Would his PCP be of any help in hooking you up to a new psychiatrist? If you explain your situation to your son's primary care physician he/she "might" be able to do something.
I have been in your shoes. And I have always found if I ran into walls, I would speak to the RN in charge/supervisor or office manager in charge. I would by-pass the doctor and reach out to supervisors, etc.
They don't want to hear complaints...and perhaps I am bias but I always feel a supervising/in charge RN can get results.
Hang in there..."try" not to stress. I know - so easy to say.

Well I have a hard truth that is usually tied to addiction. Let go let God. I believe it means get help for you. What happens to your son is out of your control. If we have comorbities including psychiatric ones it is our responsibility to seek and get appropriate care and then follow the treatment plan.I am still being taught thjs lesson .Let go let God. I do not control others. I am a retired nurse. Was RN. It took many therapy lessons to learn it is OK to let others fail.I havd many codependent traits . From the way I was raised and my career.i always have to work on this.

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Thank you! I never thought of doing that. I did call the office earlier to request a call back. Which won't be until the 2nd. So I will take your advice and speak to a supervisor or nurse. Ty

Hello. I am dealing with a very similar situation. I am 67 and my son is 35. I am also heartbroken. I cant say or do anything right. It consumes me. I am involved with friends i have hobbies but its always with me.

I am definitely a codependent. I cannot stand to see anyone suffer if i can help and even more so if its one of my sons. Its stealing my joy to be so involved but i cannot break away. They are my world.

I more than understand nakita3333, I am exactly the same way.
I am in therapy with a great therapist who is helping ME to navigate my feelings and coping skills regarding the very sad issues with my 40 year old son. Our hands are tied, we can not change the road they are on - only they can. BUT we can change ourselves as we cope with this heartbreaking issue.
Support, love, acceptance and caring is the best we can do at this point. My therapist never fails to mention my son is a "grown man" now. And this is the road only he can travel and only he can make changes in his life.
This is extremely hard to accept for Moms like us. I hear you, believe me. But we must.
Continue to give him lots of love and support. Be a good listener, be careful not to judge him.
If he says something positive to help himself, give your complete support and acceptance. And then let it go. He might do it - he might now - as I often see in my son. What he says and what he actually does is very often 2 different things. This is the mental illness in play. Ask him "how can I help you, what do YOU want me to do".
When I asked my son this questions he simply said "to love and support me". And so I am at every turn no matter how difficult.
I wish you the very best...please take care of yourself. Your son, no matter the age, needs you so you must not let his situation make you sick. Perhaps try seeing a therapist, it might really help.
Be well. Remember we are not alone. What we want for our adult children and what becomes there reality is so very very often 2 different things. Such is life.

I can relate to ALL of this, more than you can possibly imagine. I held my heart as I read your post because my only child, a Son, who is 34 has been diagnosed with mental health conditions very similar to your Son. There are multiple diagnosis', but the one(s) that seem to sit in the "front seat" are paranoid personality disorder, and a mood disorder. Each year he/we get older, seems to bring a different version of his mental illness. He went from drawing, playing guitar, and being sponsored skateboarder, and working, to living on disability, isolated, paranoid, and blaming both myself and his Father, his Grandparents, and his Uncle (my Brother) for all that's gone wrong, is wrong, or will go wrong, in his life. We are all to blame for his undoing. He takes "0" accountability...ownership for his anger outbursts towards any of us. I walk on eggshells around him all the time. When I have to be in the car with him, I get highly anxious. He thinks even with the windows up in my car that people can hear what he's talking about with me and that everyone on the sidewalks walking by us are looking at him. It's very hard to be around him these days. And the communication between us is almost non existant now. To watch this deterioration, happen to him over time has been an almost impossible pain to be bare. Please know (as tears roll down my face), from one Mother to another, you are not alone out there. NAMI family support groups have helped me at times where I felt completely overwhelmed and alone. They have chapters all over the United States. - If you ever need another Mother to chat to, I'm here. - With Kindness. Always. - Aimee