Approach to bringing in a caregiver for wife
My wife is 5 ½ yrs from Alzheimer diagnosis. We are 84 & 85. She’s somewhat functional with hygiene, meal clean up, laundry. But it’s worsening quickly. How approach bringing in a caregiver after vetting a caregiver agency to find candidates? Interview candidates with my wife? Do it by myself (probably with a daughter)? Any ideas about the process appreciated.
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I'm so sorry about your dog. I dread that day when our time comes, but I'm told that Chihuahuas live forever. My husband has a-fib. If you like mysteries and escapes, you might like Louise Penny. Have you read her?
I'm nervous about the visit to the neurologist. My husband doesn't understand why we're going and I don't know what to expect either. Our regular doctor has diagnosed dementia and tests have been run but no one has said the word Alzheimer's. I'd like to know what kind of dementia we're dealing with. Stay strong and keep reading.
I'm fortunate that my two children live nearby and I have two grandsons. Their lives are lots more interesting than mine. Ha. My husband refuses to have a cell phone of any kind. I wanted to give him a flip phone for emergencies but he won't even have that. He's begun using the wrong word for things, like "yellow" for "red." Then he insists he said the right thing. I feel so sorry about all this. He's always been so proud of his academic accomplishments and his intelligence. Now he can't spell "bananas" and can barely read words of more than two syllables.
He's changed a lot in the past year. I wonder what the next will bring. I try to plan for the future--wills, PoA, living wills, etc.--but I don't want to move into assisted living. The very thought makes me want to give up here and now. So I intend to cope at home for as long as I possibly can, though I know that's going to be rough. My son-in-law's 72 yr. old mother died a couple of years ago of Alzheimer's and the end was pretty awful. She stayed at home until the end though. Maybe Hospice at the very end. I hear good things about Hospice.
What phone app do you use to follow your wife's progress while walking? We have the Life360 app, which helps, but it's not very accurate, just general location. Maybe that's just our area.
Wow this is me, except my dog is 13 and still ok. And he’s more his dog so it will be really hard on him when…I need this reminder to keep answering and not to yell.
I use “Find My Phone” appo on my iPhone. It is very accurate. Once I used it to find my wife driving my car from home. There are other apps for other phones you might try.
I'm 79, my husband 76 and steadily declining with lots of the symptoms you mention. He still knows family members but sometimes he forgets their names. I hear "What's Her Name?" and "What's His Name?" an awful lot. My adult son and daughter live near me, but both have busy lives and don't have much time for me beyond an occasional visit of maybe an hour. That's fine, but I realize I can't count on them for the kind of practical help a professional caregiver could give. Now I have my recently diagnosed aneurysm to worry about and can no longer assume I'll be the last one standing, so I'm trying to make plans for being alone. I intend to remain in my house until my children tell me I have to do something else. I worry about the expense of all this. I worry a lot and the stress is not good for me so I worry about worrying. I'm so grateful for this group!
i have given great thought to the topic since Waltf introduced it and subsequently added a superb follow-up dealing with such things as the stages of Alzheimer's, how to keep family posted, and the admixture of strengths and weaknesses in the course of progression of the cognitive decline.
I have also learned much from your various follow-ups
dealing with the caregiver's need for "escape," the cautious approaches to raising the issue with the loved one of an alternate caregiver, the manner in which initial resistance may crumble in the face of careful selection of the right person. And, of course, from the evidence that each situation is different.
My conclusions are that, at this stage, at 87 and 86, we should consider ourselves fortunate and carry on in the mutually understanding way we now function. The total eclipse of short-term memory and the absorption of information is a serious problem but otherwise she tries, with a degree of success what she sees as her functions and "duries." Her outlook is reasonably positive despite her assorted ailments. And as others have mentioned, she is sometimes oblivious of her shortcoming. I am careful not to puncture these reveries.
I cannot say that I'm having an easy time of it. Recently I was under such strain that I had very frief periods of "lightheadedness, for which I was prescribed a mild anxiety med which seems to work wonders And I make most of my "escapes" by listening to soothing music, observing nature's scene out the window, and forms of meditation. When I am tempted
to engage in anger or self-pity, I immediately "relativize" by thinkin how much worse others I observe, including many on this site are facing.
I'm not sure how my wife would respond to alternative caregivers, though she herself served as a volunteer for Hospice here for 17 years. Nor does she show any sign of being willing to abandon our lovely homestead for an assisted living institution. We just purchased a medical alert system for when I go out alone, and each time warns me, "be very careful, there aee two lives at stake."
I wish you all success at coping with whatever means seem feasible, and thank you for your help in maintaining my hopes.
pcetng0202/aka TomG
I don’t think anyone is obligated to help out with family members who have dementia, but I must admit I’m a little disappointed and sad. Overwhelmed too. My mom is in the hospital and now it’s just me with my dad (88 with Alz). I’ve had his care 24/7 for the last 9 days, even though I had to work. (Did it remotely.) I got my niece to stay for a couple of hours once. The problem is I really need to work out. My knee acts up if I don’t. Yesterday, I took him with me to the gym. But, that’s not very feasible. No one has offered to help me even for 2 hours to just sit in the house. Those I did ask said no. So….I’m calling a private agency tomorrow. It’s just it’ll take awhile to get that set up. I’ve got several calls in to facilities for respite care. Haven’t heard back…..it’s unbelievable. With all the friends and family around and no real support. I guess everyone has their own stuff to deal with. I won’t judge them.
Louise Penny is my favorite author. 😊
I use YouTube for online workouts from home in our living room, so we don't have to leave. I just type in the search bar what type of workout and desired duration (e.g., 40 minute cardio).