Loss of wife: Still having a hard time sleeping. Alone a lot.

That is so tragic @mikaylar
Sending hugs and prayers your way. I need to be more in touch spiritually- and attending church might help too.

Hi @ccarper welcome. I see from your profile that you have also lost a life partner. How are you doing? What’s your favourite memory?

I still struggle with learning to accept the loss. There are many, many memories I consider favorite, but at the top of the list is the day I said “I do”!

@ccarper, I bet @IndianaScott can relate.

I love that the top of your memory list is the day you said "I do". Funny (and lovely) how after spending years together, our mind's eye holds the image of our first days.

Do you have family around you? How are you finding moving within your social circles?

Yes, I have family reasonably close. Kids and Grandkids.
I also have many friends who have helped me navigate the change in my life. There are days, however, that I am terribly depressed and lonely. Then, I have to consider how good it is for Jan to be in Heaven and rejoicing that she won the battle with breast cancer. No more pain. No more worry. For all of eternity!! Just knowing that helps me endure.

It's a shame this thread of conversation came to an end a few years ago, because it is timeless. I lost my husband in April this year (2024) "all of a sudden and out-of-nowhere", as I explain to all. He had an acute attack of Pancreatitis. He had a bad gut ache on Friday morning, went in to a coma on Sunday morning, and died Tuesday morning. I was in Germany traveling, which he encouraged me to do, as we are empty-nesters and he was still a year away from retirement (by choice - he loved his work - tho he was nothing like a work-aholic - he was home by 6:00PM every evening). I made it home by Sunday afternoon, and my kids were able to make it to the hospital by that evening. We kept watch by his bedside. We were in TOTAL disbelief. What happened ??? He was a hearty guy, perfectly fine. We kept thinking he would pull thru. But he didn't. He died. Once LOVELY family and friends went back to their lives (as they should), our kids too, I had to face the loneliness and gut-wrenching pain of the loss. Every inch of our home is a reminder of my husband. At times, it feels truly unbearable, with crying so deep that I feel like I'm choking on my own throat. My Faith in Jesus rescues me at those lowest points. Also helpful: my neighbor (also a widow) gave me a book called: Healing After Loss by Marth W. Hickman. It's a daily devotional, many pages of which truly speak to where I'm at. I recommend it very highly. It has something for every widow / widower. Thank you for "listening". Best wishes to all who struggle with this. I pray that those who've gone before us and tell us that time will heal/help are correct. - LB

I lost my wife, best friend n whole world the day my wife died, Sept 17 2024. I feel the same way. My children are older n have their own lives to live so I don't want to bother them with this. I've totally isolated n find it very hard just to get through the day. I try to pretend I'm ok but I'm literally the farthest from anything ok. I have these horrible feelings of guilt for not showing her enough love because I guess I got comfortable due to being together so long n how close we were. I always loved her unconditionally but I feel I didn't show it n I hate myself for that. I am up n down with suicidal thoughts n just want to be gone n back with her. We were a team n we completed each other n now I've never felt so lost n alone. I'm 44 n she was just about to turn 34 last December. I always thought I'd have more time to be n do all the things we talked about. I don't know I completely understand n feel your pain. I don't know what to say or do anymore. I'm just so sad n depressed all the time.

@dillon1981, losing someone who completes you is like tearing out your heart and soul. I can only begin to imagine how this feels. I understand that guilt lingers and at the same time I don't understand. Why does guilt have to invade the sadness? Love is shown in many ways. It sounds like you and your wife shared a close bond - like you said - you were a team and completed each other. I'm confident in your comfort together, she knew your love.

Like you, @mir123 and @IndianaScott lost the soul mates too early in life. While I'm sure your children are sympathetic, they may not "get" it like someone who has experienced the loss of a partner.

Dillon, have you looked into joining a support group in person in your area?

As Colleen commented below--it is devastating loss--and try to not lean into guilt. If I'm honest, I felt survivor's guilt when my first husband died at age 36. Why was I alive and he was not? While this might be natural, this wasn't a reaction that helped me. It took me months before I could eat hard candy--a treat we both enjoyed and shared. It was just difficult to feel...well, that he "gone" somewhere without me. A grief group really helped me--and so did sharing some of this with my then young daughter. Your kids are bereaved too--and I bet concerned about you as well. Even a small conversation with them might help. It isn't a burden on them if you reach out, I think. Sharing grief can make it easier to bear. Keep in touch!