Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

My dear friend, who was the caregiver for her mother, suggested that I get our legal matters in place sooner than later. I just updated our wills and estate planning documents last week. More peace of mind for me if my husband were to decline faster...Actually, as I'm typing this, my husband just mentioned for the 5th time in the last hour, how appreciative he is for me taking care of everything. Gotta love him...
He has talked about going grocery shopping and having lunch tomorrow 6 times already. I just say" that will be fun".
My friend shared the below responses that she found
Agree, never argue
Divert, never reason
Distract, never shame
Reassure, never lecture
Repeat, never say I told you
Ask, never demand
Encourage, never condescend
Reinforce never force
Do what they can do, never say you can't

I keep this in my drawer by my chair. It's not easy to remember when you frustration can build at times
Gotta love Him!!

Thank you for the wonderful post. Such helpful suggestions!🩷

Just surprised my husband with an awesome puzzle, I need to distract him from staring out the window at the icicles on the gutters. He just paces around looking outside and shares his frustration with the ice. I'm just diverting his focus. I hear puzzles help with cognitive focus. We shall see!!

Please share how that goes. You are correct, puzzles are recommended for people with MCI.

I will. Today is Sunday football. Will keep you posted.

Thanks!

Thank you for sharing your list. My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2023, and has been taking Aricept since then. We see the neurologist every six months and he’s been fairly stable. However, I do notice subtle changes, and then again he seems just fine. It’s those times that lull me into feeling better about his diagnosis, but not for long. I fortunately have used many of the suggestions on this list and I would like to offer one more that works good for us. When there’s any appointments, or decisions that needs to be made financially or otherwise I will wait as long as possible before telling him about them, since he would obsess over everything about it and make it extremely difficult to continue with following through. So far it works pretty good. We’ve been married for 29 years and it is heart breaking to see your loved one lose their ability to function normally. I am trying to think ahead and am contacting places that have memory care to accommodate us before he needs their care. I feel this is the only logical way to proceed ahead and do it before it has to be done. Good luck and God Bless you all. Kathy

Thank you for sharing. Heartbreaking it is to see our loved ones experiencing cognitive decline. I do understand what you are saying about the times when everything seems better only to be hit with reality again when something happens to remind us that it isn’t. It sounds like you have given careful consideration to your options & have come up with a plan that works for you.

Hello all,
Thank you for sharing your hearts with us all.
I to can totally relate to your heart ache . Right now my husband is talking to a company asking questions about dog food. I have explained to him four times as to why we have chosen Farmers Dog for our jojo. But he forgets, asks unintelligent questions to those who are sometimes kind and often not.
I went into a long depression over this very type of behavior 2021-2024. I was sad, lonely, and angry that he would not let me control our business decisions.
With good counseling I worked on my own issues that were feeding into our problems. Much was healed in my soul, plus learning how to let go of control in unimportant areas. So what if he bothers folks with silly conversation, its ok!
Now when it comes to hiring companies that may be taking us for a ride, i get involved and we argue. So im working on my communication skills!
I thank God that i am healing by finding ways to help others, cry with others, have fun, and be creative. All have helped my state of mind.
I don’t believe we are dealing with Alzheimer’s since his short term memory loss has been for over 15 years now. His cognitive has declined these past 3 years but we are thankful he is still physically self functioning.
Actually ….i believe i am handling our lives better as his memory gets worse because im less confused between “personality or disease?” Anyone else find that to be true?
Hugs to you all!!

Thank you for sharing. Trying to deal with this condition can just be overwhelming & frustrating at times. I admire your insight & ability to make an attitude adjustment determining what’s important & what you can let go of like the conversation you described. I’ve been through the severe depression & I am working on my attitude, too. Some days are better than others. Sending hugs.