Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Thank you for participating in this forum! I've been following these posts for a couple of years and yours is the first post I've seen from a self-identified gay man. I'm a woman married to a woman. We've been partners since 1985 and married since 2003, so we've weathered a few "in sickness and in health" situations together already. However, her cognitive impairment is a whole new world that we struggle to cope with every day. We're fortunate to have strong friendship circles, including both individual and mutual friends, and we live in a large liberal city, so we rarely if ever are directly confronted by homophobia, but I worry (probably excessively) about the future. With no children or siblings who can care for us as we age (we are both mid-70s now), we will eventually need to move to a senior living community, and she may need to be in assisted living memory care at some point. How can I make sure that we end up in a situation where we'll be accepted for who we are? My challenge is to stay focused on the present, which is still very good if often frustrating. Like you, I achieve some balance in my life through an outside activity (storytelling) that is both creative and social, but it also adds stress because of scheduled gigs and deadlines. It's not something I can sustain as caregiving responsibilities at home ramp up, and that makes me so sad to contemplate. We're lucky that her MCI is progressing very slowly, and we're able to talk about it honestly and try different adjustments that maintain her dignity and independence as much as possible. We both experience moments of despair, but usually on different days!

Anyway, it sounds like you and I are in fairly similar situations, so if you ever need someone to listen or bounce an idea off or just vent, feel free to get in touch.

Exactly! Thanks for responding. You take care, too! 🩷

Exactly! Thanks for responding. I’m here anytime you want to talk. Take care!

Thank you!

I've been told to avoid alcohol because of an aortic aneurysm that was recently diagnosed. I've switched to non-alcoholic wine and, honestly, I think I like it as well or better than the real thing. I used to drink half a bottle of wine a day with my husband. It was something that we could still share since he's been diagnosed with dementia. He can still drink and I can join him with my alcohol-free wine and that works. It was easier to switch than I thought.

A friend told me to think of the good times. Not knowing what the future has is a problem but we never know until it becomes the present. It’s ok for you to loose your cool. I know I have. It is normal. This is a great place to vent since we are all going through the same. It is a slow learning process for us on how to cope

It’s a life changer for sure. It’s nice to know this site is here to share with others going through similar experiences. I now longer feel all alone. Thanks to all on this site for sharing.🩷

I know first hand how difficult it is to be diagnosed with dementia. It's ok to not remember what day it is but to get up for two hours and than go back to bed is not good. Than he doesn't sleep at night so I suffer as I have to get some sleep to function. The yelling is what kills me I ask him to shave and get a hair cut as it's long he screams 😱 shut up!!! So now what do I do ignore it? He's already on meds for bipolar supposed anger issues and now this screaming is insane. Any suggestions for me? Thank you ALL for letting me vent. Carol

I’m so sorry. That sounds so challenging & difficult to live with. Is he just seeing psych for Bi-polar or do you also have him connected with a dementia team for care?

Well meaning friends often don’t have helpful advice. It’s had (a least for me) to think of any good times when I’m struggling to get through the now. Do you have a therapist to talk to? I have found it more helpful than sharing with friends.