Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

Well toys I would think would be easy energywise . I assume you are the one with unfulfilled desires not him? You feel you are losing your "connection" to him?

I don’t know of any of these responses were to my post. Kissing is not an option for us because of my wife’s mouth ulcers. I’ve asked my wife about trying toys for her because I would like to satisfy her, but she says no to everything. Toys or masturbation are not the solution for me because what I want/need is intimacy with my wife, not just sex.

possible to kiss with some sort of mouth dam? ..saran wrap? .. iis it no kissing because of the pain or the spreading of the ulcers .. no to everything is leaving you few if any options ..

It’s no to kissing because of the pain. The doctors haven’t figured out the cause of the mouth ulcers. They have done about a half dozen biopsies. Two came back as pre-cancerous. I’m not worried about the ulcers spreading. If that was a problem, I’d have gotten them already.

counseling?

Thanks. We’ve been in either couples or individual counseling for almost 17 years since my wife’s affair.

And in 17yrs you have not found any type of compromise to the situation .. I'll assume you have tried all avenues? .. What does the counselor advise? ..

We just aren't fans of using toys.
At this time, yes, it is more me than my husband feeling lost without sex. He said sometimes he does want it, but it's more a fleeting thought and doesn't turn into anything. And on the rare occasion that it does, he gets so exhausted from the effort that it's really not worth it, he wont be able ti do anything else for a long time. The past few days we have just been sitting on the
couch and snuggling, and that kind of helps anyway.

Well you may not like my comment, but my wife and I have been very happily married for 43 years. I had prostate surgery years ago and can not get it up at all, my wife is very beautiful with a great body , we had a very active sex life until my surgery. I felt very bad that my wife was not getting the sexual satisfaction she needed and deserved.
So one day I told her if the opportunity ever arises she has my permission to have sex with someone else with rules.
First , giving her permission should not be like cheating, she was not to have enough to fall in love, She is not to tell me if it happens, I don’t want to know,
We are just as happy as newly weds and enjoy our marriage.
I can tell she has did it a few time but, long as I just think it happened and not know for sure , we are good,
I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear.
Randy 69 yo

perhaps if you are healthy enough you should consider a penile implant. If you get a mallabble implant it is a fairly simple surgery and in most cases 6 weeks after you can resume sexual activity ..