Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

Indeed. Makes everything much easier, even if it isn't perfect. Thanks for your thoughts.

I haven't yet seen my situation mentioned here...
My wife had a massive stroke four years ago. It caused complete paralysis of her right arm and leg, along with loss of speech. She developed severe anger issues as a result of the brain damage. There is so much damage infact, she doesn't remember being married to me or any previous intimacy. I am not allowed to hug or kiss her. There is no touching of any kind allowed beyond the normal caregiver duties....clipping finger/toe nails, occasionally brushing hair, etc.... Any attempt at trying to show we were married... (pictures, videos, etc...) are met with a strong angry denial. I'm not allowed into any room if she will be in any state of undress. She'll start screaming and covering up like I am a complete stranger. I guess I am now. I'm unable to get her to see a neuropsychologist, counselor, etc... We actually had a good relationship and thirteen year marriage before that event.

@hjg2, this must be so hard to have your relationship with your wife reduced to caregiver as if you were never her partner. Your experience is shared by some people whose partner have dementia-related illnesses and don't remember who they are. Her anger and denial must be very hard on you.

You mentioned that it's not possible to get her to see a counselor or therapist. Have you considered seeing a therapist for you? It might help to talk with someone so that you don't have to carry this load on your own. What do you think?

I’m a 65 yo very happy married man that loves his wife but can not have sex due to prostate cancer.
My wife is a very beautiful 63 yo with great body. We use to have wonderful sex. So I did tell my wife she has my permission to have sex with other guys if the situation ever came up.
I feel she shouldn’t be punished because of my ED. So yes it’s ok for your wife to reach out if makes her feel better, and will make me feel better as well, knowing I help her to feel good

your just the right age to get a penile implant and regain your sex life back. I have a Rigicon mallabble implant since 6-2023. go to a site called franktalk.com ..it will answer any and all questions you might have on implants or feel free to contact me ..

I'd say just be glad you are both alive. Sex with other people you do not love is ridiculous. You took a vow, "For better or for worse"! The worse is still yet to come I'm afraid, so enjoy each other now for the love you have.

I’ve read these posts occasionally for a couple of years but never posted anything myself. I am 63, my wife is 60, we’ve been together for almost 34 years, and married for 33 years.
About 17 years ago, my wife had an electronic sexual relationship with a person who was her boss, our pastor, and my best friend. From my perspective, our physical intimate relationship has never recovered. Since then she has not initiated physical intimacy, almost always rejected me, and when she didn’t, she was essentially an inactive participant.
Just over 10 years ago she began to get a variety of autoimmune conditions that have gradually caused her to have significant pain and physical limitations. She has also gone through menopause and for unknown reasons (medications?) has developed month ulcers. For the past 5 years we have had very little intimate contact, even kissing and touching are almost entirely off limits.
We both miss the physical intimacy we once had, which was physically and emotionally amazing. I’d like to try to learn what we can still do with each other but she doesn’t. I am in love with my wife, can’t imagine ever loving anyone else, and therefore will never be with anyone else. However, I am extremely frustrated. I go to sleep every night feeling sad and wake up every morning feeling mad. I speak with a counselor regularly, but really don’t know what to do!

I would have to say I am recently in this situation with my husband. We are still trying to figure out what is wrong, but he has cerebral palsy and up til the past two years, it has been a very mild case. I have several chronic illnesses, we have both hung in there with each other during the head times of dealing with our illnesses. But it has never gotten to this point where we have no sex and he has no desire at all for sex. And not really any other ways to still be close without sex. Whatever is going on with him is affecting all his ability to function, so I absolutely understand why he doesn't ever feel like having sex. I never thought NOT having sex or intimacy in other ways wouod affect me so much. As I used to have days like that in the past. But as I said...now it has become no sex or intimacy, instead of just occasional. We have talked about it, but not found any solutions. And we are not in favor of adding a third person so I can still have sex, that would not be advisable. I love my husband and I want the best for him and us. But idk what the answer is. I have done a ton of research on this topic but everything says to do other things to add intimacy. But my husband is so bad off, ANYTHING extra is draining. So idk where to go from here. Since we are still trying to figure out what's going on with him, adding counseling in is not going to be an option as if right now. Too many dr bills and we're just trying to cope day to day right now. But I woukd welcome another solution if anyone has any.

Explore toys ... takes little effort .. you can still kiss and be close while using the toys .. he can explore them with you as well as you can explore .. you at least keep the physical connection between the two of u.

We don't use toys. And even kissing and holding have gotten less and not as deeply meaningful, only because it takes a lot of energyfor even that...my husband's condition is brain injury related so it affects a lot.