Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

Posted by Native Floridian @nativefloridian, Oct 15, 2011

Anyone out there think that this is a good idea? Some people are just too ill to have sex and if they are married, obviously their mates suffer. What do you think? Are there solutions to this problem or is it such a hush-hush topic that nobody wants to discuss it. I'd sure like to know whether or not a long term sexless marriage exists and if it can be a happy one.

Thanks for considering my questions and feel free to anonymously respond, if that is your desire.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Men's Health Support Group.

heisenberg34 | @heisenberg34 | Nov 15 9:00am

In reply to @arctic22 "Willing partner is one of the key words in any relationship .." + (show)

Indeed. Makes everything much easier, even if it isn't perfect. Thanks for your thoughts.

hjg2 | @hjg2 | Nov 18 10:41pm

I haven't yet seen my situation mentioned here...
My wife had a massive stroke four years ago. It caused complete paralysis of her right arm and leg, along with loss of speech. She developed severe anger issues as a result of the brain damage. There is so much damage infact, she doesn't remember being married to me or any previous intimacy. I am not allowed to hug or kiss her. There is no touching of any kind allowed beyond the normal caregiver duties....clipping finger/toe nails, occasionally brushing hair, etc.... Any attempt at trying to show we were married... (pictures, videos, etc...) are met with a strong angry denial. I'm not allowed into any room if she will be in any state of undress. She'll start screaming and covering up like I am a complete stranger. I guess I am now. I'm unable to get her to see a neuropsychologist, counselor, etc... We actually had a good relationship and thirteen year marriage before that event.

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Nov 24 8:27pm

In reply to @hjg2 "I haven't yet seen my situation mentioned here... My wife had a massive stroke four years..." + (show)

@hjg2, this must be so hard to have your relationship with your wife reduced to caregiver as if you were never her partner. Your experience is shared by some people whose partner have dementia-related illnesses and don't remember who they are. Her anger and denial must be very hard on you.

You mentioned that it's not possible to get her to see a counselor or therapist. Have you considered seeing a therapist for you? It might help to talk with someone so that you don't have to carry this load on your own. What do you think?

raydg983 | @raydg983 | Dec 14 5:51am

In reply to @nativefloridian "What if the reason is health related and the other party does want to have sex?..." + (show)

I’m a 65 yo very happy married man that loves his wife but can not have sex due to prostate cancer.
My wife is a very beautiful 63 yo with great body. We use to have wonderful sex. So I did tell my wife she has my permission to have sex with other guys if the situation ever came up.
I feel she shouldn’t be punished because of my ED. So yes it’s ok for your wife to reach out if makes her feel better, and will make me feel better as well, knowing I help her to feel good

arctic22 | @arctic22 | Dec 15 7:29am

In reply to @raydg983 "I’m a 65 yo very happy married man that loves his wife but can not have..." + (show)

your just the right age to get a penile implant and regain your sex life back. I have a Rigicon mallabble implant since 6-2023. go to a site called franktalk.com ..it will answer any and all questions you might have on implants or feel free to contact me ..

mikaylar | @mikaylar | Dec 15 11:01am

In reply to @raydg983 "I’m a 65 yo very happy married man that loves his wife but can not have..." + (show)

I'd say just be glad you are both alive. Sex with other people you do not love is ridiculous. You took a vow, "For better or for worse"! The worse is still yet to come I'm afraid, so enjoy each other now for the love you have.