Impotency Problems

My husband has a very difficult time attaining and maintaining an erection. I am 56 and he is 63. We are both in good shape and attractive. He takes a pill occasionally, but I don't like him taking them too much because I worry he'll have a heart attack or something! I found that not focusing on an erection helps. We take things much slower, sometimes getting in the bath or shower together and just having that skin to skin contact. I am going to be extremely blunt here, so I hope I do not offend anyone. We use "toys" on occasion, also. This takes the pressure off of him. I also find that if I give him oral sex (can be lots of work), he can eventually get an erection, and we can subsequently have intercourse. And at times I just masturbate and let him help or he will give me oral sex. I know it isn't easy, but you have to try to really hide your frustration and disappointment. It only makes it worse. The more fixated they are on an erection, the more difficult it can be to achieve. Usually their disinterest is shame. They do not want to start something they think they can't finish. If you give him alternatives, your sex life may improve. Just experiment with the idea of simply enjoying each other's bodies without focus on the erection. Let him know he is still a man even if he isn't able to get an erection - he can still satisfy you in many other ways. A lot of this is the ol' male ego. Too much pressure from you to "perform" will just make him more anxious. Start with being romantic and just cuddling. Get reconnected with no pressure. Then slowly introduce toys or whatever else you may feel comfortable with - act excited about him pleasuring you without the pressure of an erection. You may have the big "O" more than him, but that's okay. I understand you want to feel desirable. Do you think he isn't aware of how attractive you are and that other men may be interested in you? That can really hit his ego. He feels like he can't compete and, thus, withdraws.. Anyway, this has been my experience. I hope I have been of some help. You probably aren't going to have sex every day again, but even once a week is better than never!

Hmmmm. Okay. Perhaps start off nonsexual? Sometimes we need to feel close and connected before we can be intimate. Perhaps he feels so much pressure (most likely from himself - as all men seem to do), that he is afraid to be involved at any sexual level. Is there something y'all enjoy doing together? Can you think of ways to connect that are nonsexual? Have you bluntly asked him what turns him on and what turns him off? Was your sex life satisfying for you and for him prior to this moment in your life? Have you thought of seeing a sexual therapist? Even if you have to go alone, it may help. In fact, you may not want to tell him you're going at first simply because it brings the issue front and center. Perhaps after some advice from a professional (and I mean a licensed sexual therapist), you can gain some insight of what may be helpful? I would try really hard not to show my resentment and frustration (easier said then done, I know). Try to have some laughs together. Do something new together - ever been sky diving? Perhaps you're not that adventurous, but salsa dance lessons or cooking together. Anything new and different that could connect you and cause a little spark? I will be praying for you. I understand it is difficult. I know I felt is was my fault, that I wasn't attractive enough (I used to model and am still in good shape), that I was doing something wrong, or that he was having an affair. None of that turned out to be the problem. Perhaps there is even an issue in your marriage unrelated to sex that he is resentful of and hasn't spoken about? Again, I will be praying for you. Hope you can find and are able to go to a good therapist!

Hmmmm. Okay. Perhaps start off nonsexual? Sometimes we need to feel close and connected before we can be intimate. Perhaps he feels so much pressure (most likely from himself - as all men seem to do), that he is afraid to be involved at any sexual level. Is there something y'all enjoy doing together? Can you think of ways to connect that are nonsexual? Have you bluntly asked him what turns him on and what turns him off? Was your sex life satisfying for you and for him prior to this moment in your life? Have you thought of seeing a sexual therapist? Even if you have to go alone, it may help. In fact, you may not want to tell him you're going at first simply because it brings the issue front and center. Perhaps after some advice from a professional (and I mean a licensed sexual therapist), you can gain some insight of what may be helpful? I would try really hard not to show my resentment and frustration (easier said then done, I know). Try to have some laughs together. Do something new together - ever been sky diving? Perhaps you're not that adventurous, but salsa dance lessons or cooking together. Anything new and different that could connect you and cause a little spark? I will be praying for you. I understand it is difficult. I know I felt is was my fault, that I wasn't attractive enough (I used to model and am still in good shape), that I was doing something wrong, or that he was having an affair. None of that turned out to be the problem. Perhaps there is even an issue in your marriage unrelated to sex that he is resentful of and hasn't spoken about? Again, I will be praying for you. Hope you can find and are able to go to a good therapist!

Hmmmm. Okay. Perhaps start off nonsexual? Sometimes we need to feel close and connected before we can be intimate. Perhaps he feels so much pressure (most likely from himself - as all men seem to do), that he is afraid to be involved at any sexual level. Is there something y'all enjoy doing together? Can you think of ways to connect that are nonsexual? Have you bluntly asked him what turns him on and what turns him off? Was your sex life satisfying for you and for him prior to this moment in your life? Have you thought of seeing a sexual therapist? Even if you have to go alone, it may help. In fact, you may not want to tell him you're going at first simply because it brings the issue front and center. Perhaps after some advice from a professional (and I mean a licensed sexual therapist), you can gain some insight of what may be helpful? I would try really hard not to show my resentment and frustration (easier said then done, I know). Try to have some laughs together. Do something new together - ever been sky diving? Perhaps you're not that adventurous, but salsa dance lessons or cooking together. Anything new and different that could connect you and cause a little spark? I will be praying for you. I understand it is difficult. I know I felt is was my fault, that I wasn't attractive enough (I used to model and am still in good shape), that I was doing something wrong, or that he was having an affair. None of that turned out to be the problem. Perhaps there is even an issue in your marriage unrelated to sex that he is resentful of and hasn't spoken about? Again, I will be praying for you. Hope you can find and are able to go to a good therapist!

Hmmmm. Okay. Perhaps start off nonsexual? Sometimes we need to feel close and connected before we can be intimate. Perhaps he feels so much pressure (most likely from himself - as all men seem to do), that he is afraid to be involved at any sexual level. Is there something y'all enjoy doing together? Can you think of ways to connect that are nonsexual? Have you bluntly asked him what turns him on and what turns him off? Was your sex life satisfying for you and for him prior to this moment in your life? Have you thought of seeing a sexual therapist? Even if you have to go alone, it may help. In fact, you may not want to tell him you're going at first simply because it brings the issue front and center. Perhaps after some advice from a professional (and I mean a licensed sexual therapist), you can gain some insight of what may be helpful? I would try really hard not to show my resentment and frustration (easier said then done, I know). Try to have some laughs together. Do something new together - ever been sky diving? Perhaps you're not that adventurous, but salsa dance lessons or cooking together. Anything new and different that could connect you and cause a little spark? I will be praying for you. I understand it is difficult. I know I felt is was my fault, that I wasn't attractive enough (I used to model and am still in good shape), that I was doing something wrong, or that he was having an affair. None of that turned out to be the problem. Perhaps there is even an issue in your marriage unrelated to sex that he is resentful of and hasn't spoken about? Again, I will be praying for you. Hope you can find and are able to go to a good therapist!