Impotency Problems

Intimacy problems can be tough on both partners. It sounds like you're trying to be proactive about it and care about making things better. Couples or individual counseling can be helpful for talking through intimacy problems. A therapist can be a wonderful resource for helping overcome the frustrations and even self-esteem issues that come up. It's not for everyone, so just wanted to throw it out there alongside medical interventions and trying to make things better through communication on your own.

My husband has a very difficult time attaining and maintaining an erection. I am 56 and he is 63. We are both in good shape and attractive. He takes a pill occasionally, but I don't like him taking them too much because I worry he'll have a heart attack or something! I found that not focusing on an erection helps. We take things much slower, sometimes getting in the bath or shower together and just having that skin to skin contact. I am going to be extremely blunt here, so I hope I do not offend anyone. We use "toys" on occasion, also. This takes the pressure off of him. I also find that if I give him oral sex (can be lots of work), he can eventually get an erection, and we can subsequently have intercourse. And at times I just masturbate and let him help or he will give me oral sex. I know it isn't easy, but you have to try to really hide your frustration and disappointment. It only makes it worse. The more fixated they are on an erection, the more difficult it can be to achieve. Usually their disinterest is shame. They do not want to start something they think they can't finish. If you give him alternatives, your sex life may improve. Just experiment with the idea of simply enjoying each other's bodies without focus on the erection. Let him know he is still a man even if he isn't able to get an erection - he can still satisfy you in many other ways. A lot of this is the ol' male ego. Too much pressure from you to "perform" will just make him more anxious. Start with being romantic and just cuddling. Get reconnected with no pressure. Then slowly introduce toys or whatever else you may feel comfortable with - act excited about him pleasuring you without the pressure of an erection. You may have the big "O" more than him, but that's okay. I understand you want to feel desirable. Do you think he isn't aware of how attractive you are and that other men may be interested in you? That can really hit his ego. He feels like he can't compete and, thus, withdraws.. Anyway, this has been my experience. I hope I have been of some help. You probably aren't going to have sex every day again, but even once a week is better than never!

moderator my reply just disappeared. Why!?

My husband has a very difficult time attaining and maintaining an erection. I am 56 and he is 63. We are both in good shape and attractive. He takes a pill occasionally, but I don't like him taking them too much because I worry he'll have a heart attack or something! I found that not focusing on an erection helps. We take things much slower, sometimes getting in the bath or shower together and just having that skin to skin contact. I am going to be extremely blunt here, so I hope I do not offend anyone. We use "toys" on occasion, also. This takes the pressure off of him. I also find that if I give him oral sex (can be lots of work), he can eventually get an erection, and we can subsequently have intercourse. And at times I just masturbate and let him help or he will give me oral sex. I know it isn't easy, but you have to try to really hide your frustration and disappointment. It only makes it worse. The more fixated they are on an erection, the more difficult it can be to achieve. Usually their disinterest is shame. They do not want to start something they think they can't finish. If you give him alternatives, your sex life may improve. Just experiment with the idea of simply enjoying each other's bodies without focus on the erection. Let him know he is still a man even if he isn't able to get an erection - he can still satisfy you in many other ways. A lot of this is the ol' male ego. Too much pressure from you to "perform" will just make him more anxious. Start with being romantic and just cuddling. Get reconnected with no pressure. Then slowly introduce toys or whatever else you may feel comfortable with - act excited about him pleasuring you without the pressure of an erection. You may have the big "O" more than him, but that's okay. I understand you want to feel desirable. Do you think he isn't aware of how attractive you are and that other men may be interested in you? That can really hit his ego. He feels like he can't compete and, thus, withdraws.. Anyway, this has been my experience. I hope I have been of some help. You probably aren't going to have sex every day again, but even once a week is better than never!