Anyone else having lack of support from family members?

Posted by jooj @jooj, Oct 17 8:35am

I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in June of this year. I have also recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, plus my congenital kidney disease and osteoarthritis. Obviously I have a lot on my mind these days. My husband says I need to not be so concerned with my health and how much salt I’m eating. That my CHF isn’t a fatal illness. That my heart isn’t actually “failing”. I’m so frustrated with him. Not sure how to handle the situation.

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So sorry you are facing so many important health issues. You must be frightened and exhausted. And it sounds as though your husband is frightened too evidenced by his denial.
Are you able to enter therapy both together and separately. If not will he go to a physician appointment with you, perhaps a longer appointment. Another approach might be to ask him to sit with you with no distractions and ask him to listen to you without interrupting while you talk about your health issues and feelings as well as what you need from him. If you choose you might write down how to support you short and succinct. Let him know how lonely you feel and how sad you are. Let him know how much you need him and acknowledge how difficult and frightening all of this must be for him. You may need the support of a therapist or other helping professional to accomplish this and so much depends on your history of communication with each other. In the meantime Mayo clinic connect is a great place to get support. Are you living in a place where there might be support groups for these health issues? Are there other family members and friends who can offer support?I hope this offers some ideas for you.

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Check out support groups. You will find out there are other people like you out there. Call a friend someone you trust and ask for help. I have found out family are not the best for support as they are dealing with things as well. Educate. Your self and family and friends. I hope this helps.

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I wish I could find a support group near me but I have been unable to thus far. Thank you for your suggestions. I will try them.

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First, I am only too aware that often we suffer in silence and alone. The lack of empathy from a trusted friend is most disappointing and unsettling, but it doesn't mean that what they say that is hurtful is wrong or not intended to be helpful in some way. There's a difference that should not be discarded. Often, too, the other person must dig deep, gird themselves in a way, and prepare themselves for a tough slogging in order to be of use to you, something they may not have anticipated or that they know will be a major insertion to their routine and own sense of wellbeing. By their appearances and words, they may seem indifferent, even resentful, but what they're doing is dealing with the new reality in their own way, including the emotions, and trying hard to rise above it all...for your sake as well as theirs. The real test is always in their actions and availability going forward, not so much in the inactivity or silences. IOW, this isn't easy on either one of you. Some learning and 'getting used to' is in order here.

Heart failure is a wretchedly misleading term that the medical community ought to have ditched decades ago. It isn't failure...it's 'insufficiency'. It's what is commonly known now as 'remodeling' where the myocardium must change in order to deal with the new disorders and/or defects AND STILL keep pumping and oxygenating your system 24/7. In your case, this isn't all that's on your plate, and it's becoming a distinct grind. But, your well-intentioned husband is trying to tell you that the disorder needn't be terminal if it's managed. Just as your osteoarthritis must be controlled, so your cardiac insufficiency must be. If they are both reduced to a tolerable level, you pick up the pieces of your life and try to put them back in order again....hopefully with a good dollop of success. I would ask you to consider that optimistic possibility. Don't sink into despair...if you can help it. If you find yourself anxious, ask for some temporary help from your family doctor. Ativan might be useful once or twice a week to help you to cope and not feel miserable and afraid.

I don't know enough about sodium and CHF to be useful, but I believe your kidneys will probably handle the sodium. When one has kidney problems, it's usually potassium that one should monitor so as not to ingest too much of it. If your kidneys are doing a poor job of your hypertensive propensity, then you have little choice but to abide by a strict regimen and to be monitored frequently for changes.

Always follow the advice of physicians. They know what the numbers mean, especially when taken as a group of indicators of health, and what they prescribe will be reasonable if difficult to abide by. If you want to live, be hopeful, be active, be engaged, be receptive, and be grateful for what is going right.....................including that well-intentioned people are pulling for you.

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