1. < Just Want to Talk

At what point are you considered alone forever?

Posted by texasguy1962 @texasguy1962, Apr 24 11:00pm

From reading a few posts, this sounds like a place to sound off at the very least, and hopefully find some thoughts of others on a subject. I honestly just signed onto this system so forgive me if I misunderstood.

I recently turned 60. I have been divorced 20 years. My kids are grown and on their own, so it is just me and my dog. I wonder at what point do you just decide you will probably be alone until the end? I mean, I have family and my kids are only an hour away, but the majority of my time is spent home alone. I go out and do things, but just not every day. But most of those things I do alone. I meet friends for a drink or lunch every now and then, but that's not even a weekly occurrence. I am retired and don't need anything but really don't want to go back to work, so I have days between busy and nothing. But again, I don't want to do anything some days.

I know most would say I am lonely and depressed, but I don't feel like I am. (Not being a jerk but would I feel like I was if, in fact I was? I don't know). Anyway, I don't have thoughts of harm, I don't sit and wish someone would call, and honestly, I laugh at myself quite a bit. I have one really good friend (no romantic attraction at all on either side) and we talk sometimes 3 times a day on the phone while she works... I think she is bored...lol.

I have dated off and on, more off than on recently, but I get exhausted because so many women in my age range are looking for immediate marriage and I am just not sure I want to do that. I don't have a problem with a living together situation but what is the benefit to marriage at this point in life? Religious stuff aside, if I were to get married I would not change my will or my financial stuff, or anything like that, so what is the benefit in a certificate? But they want marriage and they want it now. I had a long-term friend with benefits (sorry, but it's true and neither one of us wanted anything more) but she moved across the country a couple of years ago.

I do admit I would enjoy sitting on the couch with someone in the evening and watch tv, rub their feet, and just relax. I would enjoy going places with someone, either for the day or on a road trip, going grocery shopping together, and just enjoy and live life. I would be okay with being "in love" like that again, but at this point will be happy with compatible and stable and just liking each other a lot....lol.

Is there something wrong with me or am I looking for something that doesn't exist?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

sharonmcknight | @sharonmcknight | Oct 6 9:25pm
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@sharonmcknight You are very welcome. I know what you mean about taking care of your animals...." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@sharonmcknight You are very welcome. I know what you mean about taking care of your animals. It's the first thing I do when I get up in the morning before I do anything else.

What plans have you made for care of your animals should you be unable to care for your animals?

Jump to this post

That's the issue. I have no family, don't know my neighbors well (just a wave) and since throwing him out it was never a concern. Now I am having to think about things I never had to before and worry about things I never had to before. I lived alone most of my life but was younger of course! Health is good, but have to clear a hurdle this week with a heart ultrasound. Blockage of main left artery and no symptoms but then I read with this kind of blockage, there aren't any, you just keel over. everything happening at once talk about when it rains LOL....

REPLY
my44 | @my44 | Oct 7 6:57am
In reply to @pml "Hi thisismarilyn, I'm so sorry to hear about your child abuse! That's terrible! There is nothing..." + (show)
@pml

Hi thisismarilyn,
I'm so sorry to hear about your child abuse! That's terrible! There is nothing wrong with staying home until your mid 20's. I was married at age 18 and a year later was divorced and back living at home until I was 45 when my mom died. I did eventually meet a wonderful man 30 years ago and married him. He recently died in July of lung cancer and I miss him. We loved each other very much. But I'm going on. Like you, I don't have a lot of friends either. I don't think you should feel different. I've read some of your comments on here and they are always nice, friendly and intelligent. Not everyone can write that way, but you do it very well. Have you considered writing?
I wish you the best. Remember, you will always have God. I will say a prayer for you.
PML

Jump to this post

Hi, PML.
So sorry for the recent loss of your dear husband. I pray that the many fond memories you have of him and of your marriage will be sources of comfort, joy, and peace for you. You may not have a lot of friends (neither do I), but you have God...so you're not alone. You are in my prayers. 🙏🏼

REPLY
1 reply
Denise | @denisestlouie | Oct 7 8:47am

It's sounds like you are already in a good place. I agree with you views of marriage at our stage of life. I am in a long-term relationship. After 10 years he moved in with me in 2020 to during the stay at home order and we kept the arrangement. I will not marry him. I share what I have with him, but when I die my daughter will receive the lion's share of what I have.

I do think about aging. Even couples have to think about the time one will be alone. Do you remember the show Golden Girls? I would love to create that type of environment for myself.

REPLY
1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Oct 7 10:23am
In reply to @pml "Hi thisismarilyn, I'm so sorry to hear about your child abuse! That's terrible! There is nothing..." + (show)
@pml

Hi thisismarilyn,
I'm so sorry to hear about your child abuse! That's terrible! There is nothing wrong with staying home until your mid 20's. I was married at age 18 and a year later was divorced and back living at home until I was 45 when my mom died. I did eventually meet a wonderful man 30 years ago and married him. He recently died in July of lung cancer and I miss him. We loved each other very much. But I'm going on. Like you, I don't have a lot of friends either. I don't think you should feel different. I've read some of your comments on here and they are always nice, friendly and intelligent. Not everyone can write that way, but you do it very well. Have you considered writing?
I wish you the best. Remember, you will always have God. I will say a prayer for you.
PML

Jump to this post

Thank you for your kind comments. I have never considered writing because I don't really have anything to write about. I also thank you for your prayers but I am a humanist. So personally I do not offer prayers, but good thoughts.

REPLY
1 reply
pml | @pml | Oct 7 3:55pm
In reply to @my44 "Hi, PML. So sorry for the recent loss of your dear husband. I pray that the..." + (show)
@my44

Hi, PML.
So sorry for the recent loss of your dear husband. I pray that the many fond memories you have of him and of your marriage will be sources of comfort, joy, and peace for you. You may not have a lot of friends (neither do I), but you have God...so you're not alone. You are in my prayers. 🙏🏼

Jump to this post

Hi my44,
Thank you for your prayers! That means so much to me! We can't have too many prayers. You are right. My memories of my husband do comfort me and as you said, I do have God. He has answered so many prayers for me; especially since my husband died.
The picture of your little dog is so cute! What is his name?
PML

REPLY
1 reply
my44 | @my44 | Oct 8 12:23am
In reply to @pml "Hi my44, Thank you for your prayers! That means so much to me! We can't have..." + (show)
@pml

Hi my44,
Thank you for your prayers! That means so much to me! We can't have too many prayers. You are right. My memories of my husband do comfort me and as you said, I do have God. He has answered so many prayers for me; especially since my husband died.
The picture of your little dog is so cute! What is his name?
PML

Jump to this post

Hi, PML.
You're welcome. You have a beautiful spirit. 🦋🏸
I'll tell you about the dog a little later.

REPLY
marieb123 | @marieb123 | Oct 9 2:05pm

I am 71 years old and remember in the 70s all the comments about marriage just being a piece of paper. Well I want the paper. I have family but no one my age to be with. I still work full time but no close friends. I would love to have someone to talk with and go out with. Love to walk in the park. I am not looking for marriage but companionship. Most men my age want a much younger woman.

REPLY
2 replies
Scott R L | @scottrl | Oct 9 8:16pm
In reply to @marieb123 "I am 71 years old and remember in the 70s all the comments about marriage just..." + (show)
@marieb123

I am 71 years old and remember in the 70s all the comments about marriage just being a piece of paper. Well I want the paper. I have family but no one my age to be with. I still work full time but no close friends. I would love to have someone to talk with and go out with. Love to walk in the park. I am not looking for marriage but companionship. Most men my age want a much younger woman.

Jump to this post

I understand that it's tough to find someone, especially as demographics can look like destiny.

Still, don't let your own beliefs limit your success. There is not exactly a surplus of intelligent, sensitive, attractive women of any age. So don't sell yourself short.

I made that mistake for too many years. I thought I was too big, too shy, too weird, too whatever for any girl to find attractive. Little did I know I was in a cage of my own imagination.

REPLY
itchyd | @itchyd | Oct 10 5:47pm
In reply to @marieb123 "I am 71 years old and remember in the 70s all the comments about marriage just..." + (show)
@marieb123

I am 71 years old and remember in the 70s all the comments about marriage just being a piece of paper. Well I want the paper. I have family but no one my age to be with. I still work full time but no close friends. I would love to have someone to talk with and go out with. Love to walk in the park. I am not looking for marriage but companionship. Most men my age want a much younger woman.

Jump to this post

With your pretty face, I can't believe you'd have trouble finding someone.

REPLY
texasguy1962 | @texasguy1962 | Oct 10 9:01pm
In reply to @sisyphus "Some of the most rewarding social connections are built around common pursuits, often those outside of..." + (show)
@sisyphus

Some of the most rewarding social connections are built around common pursuits, often those outside of one's work that we usually end up doing because of material needs that need to be satisfied. So that is one advice I've encountered on many articles on friendship. After all a friend is one whom you want to be there with you -- and you with him/her -- whom you may need for matters in life that we can only share with those with whom we have developed a certain level of Mutual trust and openness, call it both-sided Equal level of vulnerability -- with our fears, questions, weaknesses, uncertainties and all such things we won't open to with someone we meet at work or bar at events, unless these are around themes to bring people together with at least one major common purpose. This is why starting with places where you have at least One thing strongly in common with another person, there is not even a possibility of Starting off a conversation, let alone friendship.

This is what I pursue in my current efforts for finding friends, this is what makes sense, this is waht experts on friendship seem to agree upon.

Good luck!

(BTW since women live longer than men they have a legitimate fear of becoming a caretaker of a husband in late life. So I'm surprised your experience was the opposite of what I know.)

(did u notice there was such high interest in your post? It mirrors the need for friendship/socially mutually rewarding connections, something even the Surgeon General has tirelessly spoken of as a crisis that infects the nation withj various health consequences specially of mental health.)

Jump to this post

Hi. It has become almost impossible to start a conversation with someone, and I am a naturally friendly guy that can talk to anyone. Tried some meetup type groups with common interests and it appears unless you have been involved for a while, no one wants you around. The women seem scared of a new person and the men seem mad a new guy showed up....lol. I mentioned to a friend the other day something about being in the grocery store and passing someone and saying hello and she yelled at me why was I talking to someone in the grocery store. But, meeting people in life has become so difficult, everyone is afraid of everyone else, that leaves it to online dating, which I am horrible at, do not like, and that is a whole other post of conversation...lol.

On the caretaker comment, I don't think these women are worried about 20 years (hopefully) down the road, I think they are looking for themselves a caretaker for the near term. Like I keep saying, I can support "me" nicely in retirement but I can't support "is" quite as nicely and I don't want to lower my standard of living or ability to pick up and go wherever the road leads. Sounds selfish and all but that is not how I mean it to sound, it is the truth though.

I did notice the high interest. It had a few comments and then must have been found because they took off all of a sudden. Of course, I wish for everyone that they would be able to respond that they have no clue what I am talking about because they don't have that problem...lol

REPLY
View MoreView Less
Please sign in or register to post a reply.