At what point are you considered alone forever?

Posted by texasguy1962 @texasguy1962, Apr 24 11:00pm

From reading a few posts, this sounds like a place to sound off at the very least, and hopefully find some thoughts of others on a subject. I honestly just signed onto this system so forgive me if I misunderstood.

I recently turned 60. I have been divorced 20 years. My kids are grown and on their own, so it is just me and my dog. I wonder at what point do you just decide you will probably be alone until the end? I mean, I have family and my kids are only an hour away, but the majority of my time is spent home alone. I go out and do things, but just not every day. But most of those things I do alone. I meet friends for a drink or lunch every now and then, but that's not even a weekly occurrence. I am retired and don't need anything but really don't want to go back to work, so I have days between busy and nothing. But again, I don't want to do anything some days.

I know most would say I am lonely and depressed, but I don't feel like I am. (Not being a jerk but would I feel like I was if, in fact I was? I don't know). Anyway, I don't have thoughts of harm, I don't sit and wish someone would call, and honestly, I laugh at myself quite a bit. I have one really good friend (no romantic attraction at all on either side) and we talk sometimes 3 times a day on the phone while she works... I think she is bored...lol.

I have dated off and on, more off than on recently, but I get exhausted because so many women in my age range are looking for immediate marriage and I am just not sure I want to do that. I don't have a problem with a living together situation but what is the benefit to marriage at this point in life? Religious stuff aside, if I were to get married I would not change my will or my financial stuff, or anything like that, so what is the benefit in a certificate? But they want marriage and they want it now. I had a long-term friend with benefits (sorry, but it's true and neither one of us wanted anything more) but she moved across the country a couple of years ago.

I do admit I would enjoy sitting on the couch with someone in the evening and watch tv, rub their feet, and just relax. I would enjoy going places with someone, either for the day or on a road trip, going grocery shopping together, and just enjoy and live life. I would be okay with being "in love" like that again, but at this point will be happy with compatible and stable and just liking each other a lot....lol.

Is there something wrong with me or am I looking for something that doesn't exist?

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@thisismarilynb

Thank you for your kind comments. I have never considered writing because I don't really have anything to write about. I also thank you for your prayers but I am a humanist. So personally I do not offer prayers, but good thoughts.

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@thisismarilynb I think you underestimate yourself! You have a lifetime of experiences you can draw on to write a book - memoir or novel(s) - starting with your traumatic childhood (painful, yes, but could be cathartic), your escape from it, your long and wonderful marriage including your travels across the globe with your husband, etc.

Did you ever read Catherine Cookson’s books? All her novels reflect her life’s experiences.

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Very common thoughts on this subject. If you have a hobby or hobbies join a group to meet people with similar interests. Single versus married? I couldn't really answer that question until in a relationship. I've been divorced since 1982 and haven't found a good candidate yet! I enjoy my freedom. I think many women are looking for friendship and security with marriage, depending on their stage in life. I know there are women out there who prefer the friends with benefits type of relationship. You had one gal, you'll find another! Chin up!

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@texasguy1962

Thanks all, for the replies. Life keeps moving....lol. One thing on my mind lately: My brother and sister-in-law have been staying with me for a few months. She is going through chemo and he had heart surgery. So they were both unable to drive, walk the dog, and he even needed help showering for a month because he couldn't raise his hands above his shoulders. Got me to thinking... if I was either one of them, I would be in a world of hurt. They aren't THAT much older than me and I think they would have had a hard time without me here to help, without each other, I don't know how they would have made it through. I have no one to help in that situation so I guess I just don't take a shower or do laundry or anything for a couple of months?

That is one of the things that got me thinking I might need someone in addition to the companionship and all. But I can't afford some broke butt moving in just because I am afraid of getting sick...lol. Hopefully, some of the replies will help someone else... as for me, I will just keep plugging along on my own I guess.

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A short term nurse’s aide can be very helpful in situations like you describe.

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