1. < Just Want to Talk

At what point are you considered alone forever?

Posted by texasguy1962 @texasguy1962, Apr 24, 2024

From reading a few posts, this sounds like a place to sound off at the very least, and hopefully find some thoughts of others on a subject. I honestly just signed onto this system so forgive me if I misunderstood.

I recently turned 60. I have been divorced 20 years. My kids are grown and on their own, so it is just me and my dog. I wonder at what point do you just decide you will probably be alone until the end? I mean, I have family and my kids are only an hour away, but the majority of my time is spent home alone. I go out and do things, but just not every day. But most of those things I do alone. I meet friends for a drink or lunch every now and then, but that's not even a weekly occurrence. I am retired and don't need anything but really don't want to go back to work, so I have days between busy and nothing. But again, I don't want to do anything some days.

I know most would say I am lonely and depressed, but I don't feel like I am. (Not being a jerk but would I feel like I was if, in fact I was? I don't know). Anyway, I don't have thoughts of harm, I don't sit and wish someone would call, and honestly, I laugh at myself quite a bit. I have one really good friend (no romantic attraction at all on either side) and we talk sometimes 3 times a day on the phone while she works... I think she is bored...lol.

I have dated off and on, more off than on recently, but I get exhausted because so many women in my age range are looking for immediate marriage and I am just not sure I want to do that. I don't have a problem with a living together situation but what is the benefit to marriage at this point in life? Religious stuff aside, if I were to get married I would not change my will or my financial stuff, or anything like that, so what is the benefit in a certificate? But they want marriage and they want it now. I had a long-term friend with benefits (sorry, but it's true and neither one of us wanted anything more) but she moved across the country a couple of years ago.

I do admit I would enjoy sitting on the couch with someone in the evening and watch tv, rub their feet, and just relax. I would enjoy going places with someone, either for the day or on a road trip, going grocery shopping together, and just enjoy and live life. I would be okay with being "in love" like that again, but at this point will be happy with compatible and stable and just liking each other a lot....lol.

Is there something wrong with me or am I looking for something that doesn't exist?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

isadora2021 | @isadora2021 | 3 days ago
In reply to @mansions11 "I'm 63 and been on my own for a number of years initially I did think..." + (show)
@mansions11

I'm 63 and been on my own for a number of years initially I did think I would meet someone after I was divorced but it just hasn't happened I'm now resigned to the reality that I am destined to be on my own until the end that's something I think about quite often I'm not looking for potty or sympathy I'm just explaining my situation I was brought up in the care system from the age of 6 has I didn't have a family so it's like I have always been on my own. Sometimes I feel like the grey mist has come down and I will scream at the sky and ask questions like why have I had to live the life that I have. I had never experienced what a close family relationship was I was in the care system until I was 17 and when I left I was on my own and totally lost I met my wife Julie when I was 20 and I fell in love with her almost immediately. We were together nearly ten years before we got married we had a beautiful home and two children both boys at the age of 30 my life could not have been better. And then things started to go wrong my eldest son Sean was killed in a road according the car was being driven by a very good friend of mine I'd known him nearly 20 years. He couldn't live with what he had done although I never blamed him it was an unfortunate accident he took his own life whilst speaking to me on the phone I pleaded with him please please don't do this to me I love you you are my world don't leave me but he did it in the most gruesome way. 14 months after the death of Sean my youngest son Anthony died of liver failure he was only four years old. Sean was nine when he died I couldn't believe how my life had been turned upside down I was unable to function and wanted my life to end I felt that life was no longer worth living and I kept asking myself why me what had I ever done I even started to think I was cursed in some way after years of sexual physical abuse in the UK social care system I had endured over ten years at the hands of these people who were supposed to look after me but instead I had an horrendous upbringing. I tried to carry on with life but I struggled every day. By this time I had been married to Julie for nearly 15 years plus I was with her for years before we got married so imagine the absolute devastation I felt when I discovered that the lady who I had loved for all those years was cheating on me with my brother the two people who meant everything to me who I reached out to when I was in the deepest of depression. I've never remarried and have lived on my own with justy wonderful memories of a life that I had, I know it's not right but some days I think please god just end my life I don't want to be here any longer my life has been truly horrendous since I was 6 years old no one should have to endure so much heartache. Thank you for reading and God bless you all x

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@mansions11 I am sorry to read how very tough life has been on you, with a relatively brief golden period in the middle. You must be incredibly courageous and resilient to be the person you are.

I pray that life gives you moments of joy and encourages you to push forward. You have so much to offer. I wonder if you could volunteer. It may be where you meet kindred spirits 🙏❤️‍🩹

REPLY
bethstanford | @bethstanford | 3 days ago

What about your husband? Volunteer at a nursing home or local library, join a church, offer yourself to the less fortunate. There’s ALWAYS someone out there who needs a listening ear or warm touch. And through them, and helping others you can also heal. Look outward NOT inward, and see if your perspective changes. Best of luck?

REPLY
isadora2021 | @isadora2021 | 3 days ago

@texasguy1962 It’s difficult when you can’t make happen what you want to happen ❤️‍🩹

I hope you’re putting yourself out there to help make it possible to happen? My best relationships over the years including friendships) have happened through shared interests . I wonder if you have tried joining groups who share your interests?

I learnt from watching my mother when she retired. My father worked long hours and we had left home so she was often by herself. She volunteered but also played mahjong and bridge in person - as well as online with people from around the world. It was quite an inspiring how she worked out how to be with others, in a way that worked for her.

I too am now single, but happily so, so I don’t feel “alone”. I have 2 precious dogs but also very special male and female friends (including some of my family) I can call or message any time of the day or night. 3 of them are neighbours.

I hope you can find communities to join and bring into your life what you want in your life including a friend with benefits or a partner who wants to keep her own home 🙏😊

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