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At what point are you considered alone forever?
From reading a few posts, this sounds like a place to sound off at the very least, and hopefully find some thoughts of others on a subject. I honestly just signed onto this system so forgive me if I misunderstood.
I recently turned 60. I have been divorced 20 years. My kids are grown and on their own, so it is just me and my dog. I wonder at what point do you just decide you will probably be alone until the end? I mean, I have family and my kids are only an hour away, but the majority of my time is spent home alone. I go out and do things, but just not every day. But most of those things I do alone. I meet friends for a drink or lunch every now and then, but that's not even a weekly occurrence. I am retired and don't need anything but really don't want to go back to work, so I have days between busy and nothing. But again, I don't want to do anything some days.
I know most would say I am lonely and depressed, but I don't feel like I am. (Not being a jerk but would I feel like I was if, in fact I was? I don't know). Anyway, I don't have thoughts of harm, I don't sit and wish someone would call, and honestly, I laugh at myself quite a bit. I have one really good friend (no romantic attraction at all on either side) and we talk sometimes 3 times a day on the phone while she works... I think she is bored...lol.
I have dated off and on, more off than on recently, but I get exhausted because so many women in my age range are looking for immediate marriage and I am just not sure I want to do that. I don't have a problem with a living together situation but what is the benefit to marriage at this point in life? Religious stuff aside, if I were to get married I would not change my will or my financial stuff, or anything like that, so what is the benefit in a certificate? But they want marriage and they want it now. I had a long-term friend with benefits (sorry, but it's true and neither one of us wanted anything more) but she moved across the country a couple of years ago.
I do admit I would enjoy sitting on the couch with someone in the evening and watch tv, rub their feet, and just relax. I would enjoy going places with someone, either for the day or on a road trip, going grocery shopping together, and just enjoy and live life. I would be okay with being "in love" like that again, but at this point will be happy with compatible and stable and just liking each other a lot....lol.
Is there something wrong with me or am I looking for something that doesn't exist?
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This was an interesting read. From my point of view (I am 89 pushing 90) 60 seems very young. I know I was still working at that age and not even thinking about retirement. My husband was alive and we did a lot of travelling. After we both retired, we still travelled and did a lot of things together. Unhappily he died 2-1/2 years ago. So at 89 I feel that I will be alone for however many years I have left. We were together for 62 years and a part of me died with him. I do not seek or want a partner. I do have plans for a cruise with another widow, but even these small cruises are going to be harder to do as I age even further. I am extremely fortunate that I have nothing horrible wrong with me and I live independently. So I conclude that you cannot say at what point you will be alone forever. So much depends on what went on before, how old you are and especially how healthy you are.
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9 ReactionsHi Tex,
It sounds like you would like to have another friend with benefits type relationship. And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! You know what you want and what you do not want. Good for you. Keep this in mind and hopefully you can attract exactly what you want into your life.
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6 ReactionsSixty seems a little early to give up that you will be alone the rest of your life.
Since you are healthy, you may have many years ahead.
You do need to get out of the house. Women are probably not going to come knocking on your door.
I’d suggest getting involved in whatever you enjoy. Get with some like minded people. It could be anything from birding, to church, to politics, depending on who you are. Look for friends more than lovers, and I think you’ll be ok.
I hope you fall madly in love and surprise yourself. It does happen sometimes. If it does, I also hope you will keep your children in mind, and leave your will as it is.
So much bad blood comes from new romances cutting out children.
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4 ReactionsLet me admit I did not read your whole post.
I have been alone with a cat in my little house for 20 years & haven't been able to drive for almost 10 yrs.
For the very first time this week I actually hired one of those "non medical visitors for the elderly", a total stranger who will come to my house on Friday for a $30 fee.
It cracks me up just thinking about it. 🤣
I have neighbors & 1 adult child I see weekly.
It's just NOT enough.
The "Loneliness epidemic" is real. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You can stay alone safely but loneliness is not good for the soul.
Wish me luck with the stranger, I hope she likes the cat. 😁
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5 ReactionsI definitely relate to your situation. I am 64, divorced for 26 years, with no plans to ever marry again. Dating is out, because all they seem to want is immediate sex. It's a bit depressing, but I realize I will face this next chapter in my life alone. I worry about becoming incapacitated. All I can do is pray I go quickly when my time comes. God bless you on your journey 🙏
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6 Reactions. I’m 66 now. But I knew at age 50 I’d be alone forever. After 2 bad marriages, and countless failed relationships, I’d had enough of trying to find someone. I can truly say I don’t believe I was ever loved as I should be.
Am I lonely, yes! But the thought of being vulnerable again scares me, and the idea of dealing with someone’s quirks , routine, social chitchat and general BS exhausts me .
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4 ReactionsAfter divorce 12 years ago, an "almost" re-marriage, and a disasterous relationship when I sold my house and moved in with an unstable man, I am now, at age 75, looking at being alone for the duration.
Part of me would like to have a partner again,even if for no other reason that to help with the house and property. But part of me just doesn't want to be bothered.
I've always been an introvert and people can drain me.
I have a (male)friend I hike with weekly, a former lover who I talk to every day,and a new guy who seems interested. But I don't know if I have the emotional bandwith to procede in a relationship.
So it's just me and my little dog.
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6 ReactionsAttitude, beliefs determine lonely
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1 ReactionI got divorced in 1979 and have never remarried nor have I ever had any intentions of doing so. My kids were young then (5 & 6) and while I did date here and there I never had any desire to take it further. I did have a friend with benefits for a few years, I kept it pretty private from my kids/family/friends. But he moved.
Have you considered volunteering? I retired about 10 years ago and volunteer 2 days a week in morning. Probably have lunch or coffee with a friend weekly. I have a nice group of friends, some from my job, some from a previous mutual hobby.
I also garden and am involved with my dogs re walking, training, etc.
I’m also pretty happy to be at home by myself often. I grew up as an only child and maybe that’s why I am comfortable being single? I know I will not likely have a man in my life again but, eh. I’m 73.
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3 Reactions@joybo99 I agree with you ! And how did the stranger sitter work out ?