At what point are you considered alone forever?

Posted by texasguy1962 @texasguy1962, Apr 24 11:00pm

From reading a few posts, this sounds like a place to sound off at the very least, and hopefully find some thoughts of others on a subject. I honestly just signed onto this system so forgive me if I misunderstood.

I recently turned 60. I have been divorced 20 years. My kids are grown and on their own, so it is just me and my dog. I wonder at what point do you just decide you will probably be alone until the end? I mean, I have family and my kids are only an hour away, but the majority of my time is spent home alone. I go out and do things, but just not every day. But most of those things I do alone. I meet friends for a drink or lunch every now and then, but that's not even a weekly occurrence. I am retired and don't need anything but really don't want to go back to work, so I have days between busy and nothing. But again, I don't want to do anything some days.

I know most would say I am lonely and depressed, but I don't feel like I am. (Not being a jerk but would I feel like I was if, in fact I was? I don't know). Anyway, I don't have thoughts of harm, I don't sit and wish someone would call, and honestly, I laugh at myself quite a bit. I have one really good friend (no romantic attraction at all on either side) and we talk sometimes 3 times a day on the phone while she works... I think she is bored...lol.

I have dated off and on, more off than on recently, but I get exhausted because so many women in my age range are looking for immediate marriage and I am just not sure I want to do that. I don't have a problem with a living together situation but what is the benefit to marriage at this point in life? Religious stuff aside, if I were to get married I would not change my will or my financial stuff, or anything like that, so what is the benefit in a certificate? But they want marriage and they want it now. I had a long-term friend with benefits (sorry, but it's true and neither one of us wanted anything more) but she moved across the country a couple of years ago.

I do admit I would enjoy sitting on the couch with someone in the evening and watch tv, rub their feet, and just relax. I would enjoy going places with someone, either for the day or on a road trip, going grocery shopping together, and just enjoy and live life. I would be okay with being "in love" like that again, but at this point will be happy with compatible and stable and just liking each other a lot....lol.

Is there something wrong with me or am I looking for something that doesn't exist?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

@binky1956

Dear Tex ~
I just read your post. This is the first time I'm posting...mostly because of your question. In my opinion, there is no exact time or place or epiphany for this decision. We can not determine what the future will bring. You are still young and healthy! Plus, according to you, you DO have friends! You're active socially and you're still involved in life! I lost my husband, the love of my life, three years ago. We were married for 30 years, and I know there will never be another love like that in my lifetime. Besides my cat, I am truly alone. You are so lucky to have friends! Please be grateful when your phone rings. Mine doesn't ~ unless it's someone trying to sell me something! We all have a purpose ~ a reason why we're here. Try to find THAT! Be well.

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Welcome, @binky1956. Thank you for joining the conversation inspired by @texasguy1962's post. I get what you're saying about recognizing what one has rather than what one doesn't.

The loss of the love of your life only 3 years ago must be hard. If you think it might help, please join the discussions in this support group:
- Loss & Grief https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/

You offered wise counsel "We all have a purpose ~ a reason why we're here. Try to find THAT!"

May I ask, have you been able to find a purpose? What brings you joy?

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