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Ready to throw in the towel ... never imagined I'd be this sad
I hope I didn't write this before, but I'm at my wits end. I'm 71, have lived in PA and then in MD for 35 years. Two of my 3 kids and their families live in VA. and they kept hounding me to move down. I didn't want to do it. Finally after 4-5 years, I decided to do it. So here I am, and I hate this place. I wish I'd have never moved. I love being with my kids and their families, but they have lives so it's only about once a week, which is understandable. I am so very sorry I moved here .... it's been nothing but upheaval and trouble for me since I did. One thing after another. I see a therapist and Psychiatrist every other week for therapy and meds., but that's 3 hours away. My kids just don't "get it" ..... they don't want to hear anything about me that might even be slightly negative. HIP HIP HOORAY! That's my life as they think it should be. Well, it's not. They have no idea what I mentally go through, and this move has just turned my world upside down in every possible way ..... physically, mentally, emotionally, financially (big time!). It feels like I'm just here, waiting for the end. I know this sounds like a pity party and I guess it is ..... I'm sorry. I just never imagined this point in my life would be this sad.
Abby
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Oh, believe me ..... I have always followed their directions to a "T."
Abby
@amberprep
Abby sorry to hear that the move has been difficult for you but in my opinion is doesn't sound as if you fully embraced it. Making such a move after you have been in one location for 35 years is very difficult your roots go deep. You doctor's should be able to help you find doctors closer to you. You sound like you are in good health. Have you looked into volunteering at a local hospital, library or even an elementary school.
You must accept that you will not beable to recreate exactly the life you had prior to the move but you can find new things that can bring you the same happiness.
Hope all works out for you and find happiness and joy that you deserve.
@Making new friends is so very difficult. It's almost like high school. There are groups in activities I've joined and they won't let you into their little cliques. They may talk and be friendly but go off and make plans without even thinking of asking you to come along. At school, work, in neighborhoods I was always very popular. I'm upbeat and helpful and always have a smile on my face.
So....I've got pets. They love me unconditionally.
I'll listen my family completely abandoned me when they found out that I had mental health issues like anxiety depression PTSD anxiety and I have sensory processing disorder and I'm probably on the autism spectrum somewhere. Most of my friends abandoned me I have a few friends that still keep up with me if they don't want to hear anything about my problems they just want to hear the positive stuff so I'd rather be alone. I don't feel like people get the right to just certain parts of my life they don't get the joy and the happiness part they don't experience or don't support me with the emotional part. I feel like it's a good thing for us to connect on sites like this because I think a lot of people are facing this type of discrimination from their families and when everyone's life is going perfectly they don't care about sick people and they don't want to hear anything about it and I think it's ridiculous I find it to be humiliating and degrading. I feel your pain I am empathetic towards it and I know exactly what you're going through because I was dumped by my entire family and friends when I got my depression now for over a year now without any treatments or help my doctors don't believe me my parents don't believe me my friends don't believe me physically I've been left in the dark for an entire year without working without friends without family support I basically have nothing. I don't feel supported I don't feel loved I don't feel like anybody really cares. But I do care about you and I would like to hear more about what's going on and how you cope things that you do to feel better but even if you aren't feeling better I'll hear about that part too because that's most of my day 90% of my day is feeling completely horrible so I understand
Hi dear friends .... well, it's been another "kick in the pants" week. I went to a lake at a National Park with my girls and grandkids last Fri., and it made me feel sad .... my X and I did that often and would camp and hike and just "be." My 3 kids get along wonderfully for which I am grateful ..... my 2 girls are planning their Christmas trip to a state park in WV ..... they do this every year .... they take Christmas lights, music, and items they are making a craft with for gifts. They stay in a cabin and just have a wonderful time .... they are so fortunate to have each other. During our time Fri. at the lake there was a lot of talk about what to make, where to get it, etc., often several feet away from me (not intentionally on their part), and I felt totally left out and unwanted ..... remnants of earlier life. Then I realized that what was actually happening was (and I am not proud of this), I was jealous of their relationship. I always longed for a sibling which I never had, to walk through the hell of our childhood .... it would have been someone to talk to. I was always alone, living within myself. I have got to stop being so sensitive to these things. I wanted my 3 to have good relationships, and they do, and now here I am .... envious of it. I feel like a 10 year old.
I also went to pay some bills this morning and my checking account is way overdrawn! I have been meticulous about keeping track of everything and it totally panicked me. I'm in the process of getting dentures and they've been a monthly bundle, but I thought I had all the figures tracked ..... apparently not.
I just feel sick. I think moving here was one giant mistake. Perhaps growing up alone, albeit in a drunken, drug riddled family, I continue to prefer to be alone. I am going to sit down and figure out what my costs are at both places, and depending what I find, I well may go back, get a job, and just stay there. My girls won't like it, but I'm sorry about that.
I guess I really should tell you the origins of this spiral. My father died 13 years ago and left me a very large inheritance. At the advice of a "friend" I got myself a Financial Planner to help me with it and unknown to me, he was a smaller version of Bernie Madoff. I, and others, were left with less than 1/3 to 1/4 of what I had. I was sick .... it was my father's hard-working money and this bas___d stole it. Sure, he is on probation with the SEC and was fined a hefty fine, but what about all of us who got "taken" ..... I have been told by a lawyer that the way the contracts were written, we had no recourse ..... those of us who lost money through his scheming and overbilling are just out of luck. So here I am, and all the rest - whomever they are - living our "golden years" in a way totally unforeseen.
Thanks for listening friends,
abby
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1 ReactionAmber, it is a strength to admit to your thoughts of jealously and envy. It appears that by recognizing them, you've set a plan of action. Namely before retreating to where you were, you are going to objectively look at both situations. I might recommend not only looking at the financial comparisons, but also the emotion, social and health pros and cons. Keep talking. We're listening.
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1 ReactionHi Margaret .... I have been writing to one of the Humane Societies the passed few days about a dog I'd like to meet. He, like my Molly, has spent most of his life in a kennel, and is afraid of everything, just like she was. He's a lab/collie mix. I'm going to give them a call today and possibly go meet him. My kitty is sweet, but cats are totally different than dogs. My kids are 100% against my getting another dog ... why? I have no idea. But then .... whose life is it anyhow? I've been here a year now, I think enough time to adjust, and so far it's not working. My X lives only about 45 min. from here (we were married for 40 years) and that doesn't help as I'm always hearing about all the "wonderful" things he's doing, trips he's taking, groups he leads, etc. He has a personality disorder so I know where it comes from, but it's still hard to hear about from my kids.
I didn't get the senior apartment, which is probably for the best. It would have given me a great place to isolate, which is my tendency anyhow.
Think I'll give that animal shelter a call now.
Abby
Many thanks Colleen.
Abby