Spouse has very early dementia?

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Is he having any issues with memory or executive functioning (planning, doing things with multiple steps, etc.)? Does he still work?

He’s retired. I couldn’t answer as to planning and doing because he literally does nothing other than cook and sometimes dishes. He was suppose to rebuild our back porch last summer. We had bought the wood etc… he built the original porch when we moved here 27 yrs ago. He kept putting it off and we ended up hiring someone to build it. He sits in his chair all day. Some days he doesn’t even get dressed. This is not who he was at all. I feel like I’m going nutty. I know I’m grieving the life we had and what we won’t have. What I had thought we would do after retirement. Other than to go to the store and once in a great while he will go to our daughters. Other than his appointments @ VA he doesn’t do or go anywhere or do anything. I’m exhausted because I’m doing everything. Caring for our chickens all of it. I have been on disability for 10 years. It’s hard on me physically but I think emotionally it’s even harder. When he has said the wrong word for something and I say something about it he tells me he did it on purpose cause he knows I think something’s wrong. I call bull on that though . I’ve seen his face when he has done it and he doesn’t know he said the wrong word. I also told him that it would be relationship defeating for him to do it on purpose as he knows how I’m feeling. I think I just want to know what’s wrong , what’s going on with him and then I can deal with it better. Not knowing but knowing is hard. I guess I’m wanting a doctors confirmation. A medical diagnosis so I can believe totally. Not one person we know does not say what’s up or what’s wrong with _ _ _ _ .

That sounds like it would be very concerning. Do you both see the same primary? Sometimes, if the doctor will agree, you can make appointment for yourself and ask your husband to accompany you. That way the doctor can chat with him. This can open the door to him letting the doctor evaluate him.

Changes in personality and speech difficulty can be due to different things. I understand why you want answers. I might also seek a consult with an attorney. Preserving assets is important. Does your husband have his Durable POA and Health Care POA designated? I’d discuss your concerns with the attorney.

I really hope you can get some answers.

This is really rough.

So much of what you describe is textbook for cognitive impairment— maybe not Alzheimer’s-related, but there are other diseases associated with cognitive impairment and dementia. I can see why you want a doctor to confirm your observations and perceptions about his decline.

Many of the things you describe are happening with my husband (and me), but we have a wonderful neurologist who specializes in dementia, and my husband is cooperative.

Can you contact your local hospital’s caregiver or dementia support groups? The hospital should also have a social worker who could help you. I agree you should make an appointment yourself with his primary care doc; take detailed notes with you and if possible, have your family members accompany you with their own observations. Surely your husband’s reluctance to seek care is not unusual in this kind of situation, and there must be a path for family members to take in the event their husband/father refuses to seek a diagnosis.

Does he still drive? And, just wondering, you said you no longer sleep in the same room: does he talk or move in his sleep or act out his dreams?

Take care.

@cbmb
How difficult all of this must be! do you feel that he would be OK on his own for short times? That would give you some time to go somewhere or do something.
if he goes to the VA and seems to like his doctor, I agree that it would be good to let the doctor know the details before your next visit. You could also ask the doctor for a neuro-psych evaluation.. It might give you some answers.
And, lastly, you could find a therapist for yourself! The longer this goes on, the more stressed you be, and unable to care for him. A therapist will listen to your needs and help you answer them. They may also have solutions to some of the problems you’ve encountered. Do you think your husband would be open to some of these ideas?

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck..it is a duck. Your husband checks off all the boxes for ALZ. Although, I'm not sure if it is proven that ALZ is genetic, it certainly is prevalent in my husband's family. Given your husband's mother had ALZ, chances are that it was in the cards he was dealt. I know it was a relief for me when a doctor actually confirmed ALZ;named it. You didn't mention it, but I hope your husband isn't driving anymore. I laughed when a friend told me that a man would rather give up his penis than his driver's license. I understand about the resistance to doctors. I had been taking notes about odd behavior for two years. I had to wait until a crisis..a major fall that resulted in a pacemaker that got my husband a MRI, CT scan, and other tests plus a referral to a neurologist. Yes, it is scary, but you will feel better if you take control of your finances and start steering the ship. You are about to enter some troubled seas ahead.

I don't have a lot of time at the moment. My sweet hubby was only 63 when he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Many of the behaviors you have mentioned brought back vivid memories of the beginning of diagnosis. You mentioned he is resistant to going to a doctor....a doctor might be able to give him some meds to slow this down. It also could be "good news" such as a thyroid imbalance or something simple that can be helped if diagnosed early. He is fighting a losing battle if he doesn't seek help soon. If it is ALZ or a related Dementia, he won't be able to hide it forever. Many suggestions in this feed are excellent. Going to a therapist or confiding in a good friend or family member would help you, continuing to write here is therapeutic, documenting different behaviors in a journal is important, even talking to one of his friends might help get him to acknowledge that SOMETHING is clearly wrong. The answers won't be easy. but at the least you can have a plan going forward. I pray it is something simple that has a good outcome; I also pray for strength and wisdom for you as you go
forward on whatever journey you are on. Remember, knowing what you are facing is a step forward to getting help for both of you.
Jan
Please forgive mistakes!

I agree that not knowing is hard. At least when you know you can name and it plan for the future. Lots of great suggestions here from others. Keeping you in my thoughts.

As we age, our memory changes naturally and it looks different than it did when we are younger. This can create a lot of uncertainty about whether the changes in memory are caused by normal aging or whether they are warning signs for dementia.

When we age, it might take longer than normal to complete a task like cooking a familiar recipe, or getting used to a new form of technology. We may also lose keys or phone from time to time. That is also normal. Oftentimes, misplacing things comes from a lack of paying attention, not dementia. The forgetfulness that accompanies normal aging may be frustrating, but we can still handle independent and normal life.

Forgetfulness that interferes with our ability to live our daily life may be a warning sign of dementia. This could include forgetting a long-used recipe, no longer being able to use appliances that were previously easy to move or no longer being able to navigate familiar neighborhoods.

For a more detailed differentiation between normal aging and dementia, the National Institute on Aging has helpful resources including the video below detailing the difference between normal aging and dementia. Visit this webpage for more information.

@cbmb, you may also wish to take part in this discussion:
- Caregivers: Early Onset Alzheimer's, diagnosis age 19 to 65
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregivers-early-onset-alzheimers-diagnosis-age-19-to-65/
I can imagine that you are sad and scared. These personality changes are worrisome. They could be related to a cognitive decline or the cognitive issues might be related to something else like a reaction to medication or a persistent undiagnosed urinary tract infection. It would be really helpful to be seen by a doctor to rule out anything medical going on and possibly to get a referral to a neurologist. But you know this already. The problem is getting him to agree.

Is there someone else in your circle of friends or family that he might listen to?