Starved for affection/attention

Thank you for this quote
"She loved him as she could, not as he might want. And if you could come to terms with the idea that you'd never be loved the way you wanted and only the way the other person was capable of loving you right then, you could rest easy."
I would replace with he. I have to come to terms with all of this, but love is still in the air. ❤️

My husband is taking L-theanine and melatonin. That is really helping but it took a few weeks to see the difference. Also used a top brand. Important to make sure you are using top quality supplements and if possible have your doctor prescribe. If they don’t know how, at least they need to know all supplements that are being taken.

I identify with everything you have said here. I am grieving the loss of my partner while she is still here. It helps to know I am not alone in this.

@porfe81, I'm sure you were hopeful when your wife finally agreed to go out for a walk that she would enjoy the change of scenery, the outdoors, nature, the shared moment. Do you think the change of place made her feel anxious instead? Has she expressed any comments about wanting to try again?

Are you still able to go out for yourself?

Hopeful, yes, and in that aspect the fault is mine. Outside the home, she tends to be a little anxious and wants to return before too long. I do get out by myself, when I can, as she is able to stay at home by herself for awhile. I just need to remind myself that this is our new reality.

You have nailed it exactly. It has taken a while to realize it, but I am a widow already. Our 57th wedding anniversary is this month, and I have no desire to acknowledge it in any way. My husband is unattached to me or to anyone..not his fault, of course. It is easier when you accept that you are providing assisted living without a paycheck; and to expect nothing in return. My husband doesn't know who I am or even feel married. He likes that I'm around, but that is it. He is totally passive.
Don't compare him to the man he was..he isn't. Give yourself grace and do things that make you happy, or you will end up years from now with nothing for you if all your focus has been on him. Your past is in the rearview mirror; move forward the best way you can.
He isn't in pain; he isn't dying of cancer; he can still dress and feed himself. Think about what he can do..not what he can't or won't do.
This isn't easy, that is for sure. The family will tend to focus on the ailing dad. Remember you matter.

@billiekip You sound so sad. Do you have any plans that let you leave the house for a short time. Just to do what you want! Think up some things for yourself and then do them. Like you said, ‘you matter’. Does the family come to visit? Can you take time off while they are there or do you enjoy their visits? What is one thing that you could do that would make every day nicer?

Hi, sometimes I am sad, but it's becoming more normal and I do have support and respite. I am not depressed and do have me time.
These strategies don't make it any easier when you see your spouse slipping away.
Thanks.

Of course, we caretakers are sad. We are losing our partner and there is no lifeline to throw to him/her. We recently moved to a 55+development with many activities available and a wonderful supportive community. My daughter lives in the same town with her husband and two young children. I've wanted to move near family for years, but my husband had refused. I do get away to classes and activities; have visits from our other daughter and her family who live out of state; and am renovating our home with the help of my son in law. I am sad that my husband isn't able to fully enjoy our next chapter. Ironically, I feel that my cup is full and I'm very lucky.

Sometimes, the glass is half empty; sometimes, it is half full. There is much to miss, much to regret, and much to worry about when you are a caregiver, but up to the words 'when you are a caregiver' that pretty much covers much of a life. Sadness is inherent to the human experience. Aspects of my young life were truly awful. There is a litany of woes I could share but do not dwell on. Occasionally, they make a good story. Sometimes, in the telling of the pain, there is a good laugh. After all, I have earned the right to use them however I want. What I learned along the way was that not bouncing back only prolonged the misery. And more surprisingly, if good times do not last forever, neither do the bad times. It is all one Wheel of Fortune circle without a clue where we will land. -- In all this iffiness, when dementia comes along, somehow, we are caught short. If it happens late in life, it seems unfair because things are finally right. If it happens early in life, it seems unfair because there is so much more to do. More than ever now is the time to recall all those hard-earned lessons from the things you have survived. Fill the loneliness with effort that is useful. Find the spaces in your time and mind where there is peace and something lovely. Nurture a plant. Read a book ten pages at a time. Go outside and listen to birdsong. You will remember that you are still alive. The slow loss of someone you love is dreadful. The workload is insane. But here we are. Don't deny it. Isn't acceptance the first step towards any recovery? Then, try to make things better. What we do with it will tell us whether our glass is half empty or half full. GloRo