Preparing to Age in Place

As a golden oldie who is also a caregiver, my mantra has been to think ahead.
Knowing that I will not wake up 20 years younger tomorrow, I have accepted that survival and quality of life depend on attitude and planning. The rearranging of our stuff for easy access has prevented me from becoming a candidate for TV's Hoarders while putting a plus in the column for independence. When Covid isolated us, I took it as a sign to purge and organize, and I am still doing it. Maybe I have gone overboard with a grabber in every room, a few canes in strategic places, a house walker, and a car walker, but if this kind of crazy keeps me from crying out, "I've fallen, and I can't get up," it is worth it. The checklist you devise for safety and well-being will probably be different than mine. It is more important to recognize a pitfall and take care of it before you find yourself in a situation that could have been prevented. The confidence in being proactive is a by-product. Another bonus: your checklist will be shorter, and when the inevitable unforeseen shows up, you will be better prepared. Also, what we can no longer do has been put in more capable hands. I am sure the young people we have come to rely upon and the economy appreciates our efforts. Even though there are days that I am amazed at what I still accomplish for both my husband (94), who has dementia, and myself( 86) to remain independent, there are also days when I am overwhelmed. When I was a girl, my Mother would not let me play until the chores were done. That work ethic can leave me feeling like a juggler trying to keep the balls in the air for perpetuity. But wisdom tells me it is a rule that needs adjustment. Even if only for a few moments, I do something for pleasure or escape: a song, a puzzle, responding to this forum. So far, so good. GloRo

Thank you for your helpful and inspiring post. I am not a hoarder, but there are a lot of things I no longer need or use. Soon the local thrift shops will be the beneficiaries.
With each passing year there seems to be more paperwork. And recently my health insurance has started printing its statements in the finest print possible, smaller than anything I could produce. I´ve let them know that their effort to save paper is an effort that is causing problems. I appreciate your comment that sometimes it is the work ethic that needs adjustment. I, too, grew up in a family where work was never finished. But we all did stop at 8 pm so Mom could listen to "One Man's Family" on the radio.

Aah, paperwork, the bane of keeping orderly records!
Have you considered opting out of paper statements and receiving everything electronically?
It has been a game-changer for me.
Now when info comes, I drop it into on-line folders, depending on whether it is a bill to pay, an Explanation of Benefits, info from my doctors, or info about my insurance policy.
Now I'm never searching for random pieces of paper. I have my husband forward his to me for filling too. Since we cleaned it up, we got rid of a 4 drawer file cabinet.
Be Sue to back it up! Mine is in the cloud and on a memory stick.

Hello All, I always thought I was going to live my entire life in my beautiful home. However, over the last 8 months or so I have been diagnosed with 3 different neurological diseases that are each debilitating and have no cure.

Now I’m trying to figure out what I need to do to raise funds. Finding a place for a patient with multiple issues is going to be challenging.

Our plans can and do change on a dime!

Hello All, I always thought I was going to live my entire life in my beautiful home. However, over the last 8 months or so I have been diagnosed with 3 different neurological diseases that are each debilitating and have no cure.

Now I’m trying to figure out what I need to do to raise funds. Finding a place for a patient with multiple issues is going to be challenging.

Our plans can and do change on a dime!

Dear SusanEllen-
I'm sorry about your health problems.
It sounds like you will need professional guidance to find what is available. You might try the search link on this web site. < https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCAWEB/ALCAWEB/What_is_Aging_Life_Care/What_you_need_to_know.aspx?hkey=9f537cde-78a3-466e-8b9b-2fb19ef78401&gt;

Hello 👋

Appreciate you sharing your heart. You said several things that made me pause.

One thing in particular is that "As a rule pastors avoid making friends at their church."

I have never in my entire life heard this rule? Is it a denominational specific rule?

I grew up surrounded by pastors. My grandfather was a farmer who had a reputation of being helpful, humble, generous and quiet.

My grandmother was known as an excellent cook, introvert and great supporter of friends and family.

It was nothing to see our pastor and neighboring pastors drop by after church to enjoy a meal, participate in a family celebration, participate in our grandfather's yearly hog slaughters and assisting with butchering the meat to share with the community or just to sit and talk a spell.

As children we saw and accepted them simply as family. Many of those beautiful souls have taken flight but the memories left behind are of jolly souls who preached the Word, had big laughs, big appetites and during their life trials shared their heavy hearts with our grandparents.

Now both me and my husband are pastors and have left a few religious groups and organizations who believe contrary to our beliefs associating the church to be a building.

We believe that our bodies are the temple of God making us living, breathing, walking, talking, churches or simply a church without walls free from religious traditions.

The whole point of being a pastor is connecting with people through various ways and if God send you friends along the way cherish the time you spend together as tomorrow is not promised.

It's never too late to start and the good book says your latter days will be better than your former days.

😂Happiness is a free will choice with or without friends. 💯 facts.

I bid you peace and may you come across friends to eat, drink and be merry as you navigate your journey. 🙏🎉

Thank you for your supportive thoughts. Millions of people have been touched by good ministers. As @sueinmn points out, retired pastors are still normal human beings, and the pastoral habits often don't end at retirement. I enjoyed a number of years serving as a volunteer visitor with hospice. Sitting with people near the end of their lives was a pleasure. I had spent many years of hours visiting people in their homes or a local coffee shop where retired ranchers hung out every morning. My father was my mentor in ministry, as I'm sure his father was for him. House calls were a regular part of his day. When I got my learners permit I started driving him to homes all around the county we lived in in New York, and I discovered one of the reasons he had gained weight. Tables were spread with an array of delicious goodies!

Because we were a family of 8, we didn't have many invitations to dinner, but we lived in an apartment above the church and every Sunday there were more than 8 at the dinner table after church. Oven fried chicken and apple pie was the norm, and the scents of the baking leaked from our apartment to the church area.

The problem with having close friendships with church members sometimes causes jealousy or thoughts of favoritism. Unfortunate but true. So, we made an effort to be friendly with everyone. As is true in any group of people, not just the church, it's wise not to appear to pander to members of wealth, for pretty obvious reasons.

It's sad to read the statistics of men and women leaving the ministry because of burnout, isolation, loneliness, inadequate income, disenchantment and other reasons. Mental health issues plague, including suicide.

While I'm saddened to read those reports, I know that they represent a small minority of people in ministry. I can't quote the numbers, but most are happy with their vocations.

Some denominations provide retirement plans and pay ministers adequately. Others have no retirement plans. Many churches make their own decisions as to compensation. These arrangements have a big impact on aging. In the denomination I serve, retirement plans are available but optional, at the discretion of individual churches and pastors. I opted to have part of my salary invested with a safe, high yield program through the denomination, but it only amounts to a couple of years of income. We worked for more than 40 years well below the poverty level, with no health insurance for the first 30.

So, aging in place or in any kind of facility is a very real concern for me. Having lived in poverty has prepared us for our present reality, living on our Social Security. We are blessed to get $23/month EBT. That doesn't sound like much, but it qualifies us for other assistance. We receive energy assistance for heating, which is a huge deal. A local organization inspected our house and recommended a number of improvements - out with carpet, in with Pergo, new front door, new windows, metal roof, insulation in the attic and under the house, a new Toyo stove - and they financed all of it with a 1% interest loan payable when we sell our home. Things like this are making it possible for us to live in our home comfortably longer than we might have.

One thing I thought of the other day as I was washing the dishes - it would be very helpful to have the faucet on the side of the sink instead of at the back. It could be awkward moving dishes from the counter next to the sink with a faucet in the way. Surely there's a solution out there.

I've addressed some of the issues faced by aging ministers, but many of them are faced by people of all walks of life.

BTW, I'm not having a pity party - just facing realities of my chosen vocation. I'd make the same choice again, though I hope I'd do some things differently by virtue of experience.

Jim

@edsutton have you used to them?