Preparing to Age in Place

I have long relied on the Serenity Prayer:
Lord help me to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
The image blow is the other way I am learning (after all these years) to live in peace and contentment.

I want to share briefly how Covid seriously damaged the social aspects of our lives and how we are beginning to build new connections.
Because of my wife's multiple illnesses we are especially cautious. We have taken all vaccines and boosters, continue to wear masks in stores and only eat out in restaurants that offer outdoor seating. We have avoided Covid. We monitor the local statistics, and continue to be concerned about respiratory illnesses.

As it turned out, there were some "anti-vaxxers" in our co-housing community and thus irreconcilable differences about use of the common building. We stopped having community meals and eventually there was a serious breakdown of the sense of community, which is still not healed.
It seems that once people begin to "take sides" the topics of disagreement expand and arguments become very ugly.

Something very similar happened in my faith community and I've left a religion which I followed regularly for 30 years.
And something very similar happened in the professional organization in which I played a leading role for 20 years. Fortunately it was time for me to retire.

I was a community and faith believer, and was so heartbroken that I had real concerns about what was happening to my health. Sometimes I felt a small number of sustaining community friendships kept me alive.
My wife's illnesses were already causing her to isolate, and the Covid-related conflicts brought her to a point of just wanting to move and run away from everything. Her health is much, much better now and she can imagine living again. And traveling to visit a newborn grand-baby!

This year some new families have moved into our community, and their fresh spirits have been very heartwarming. I've found a path to participation that I can follow.
Outdoors, the community woods and the barn, are areas where I have something to offer and two of the new families are very interested in those areas.
The community members with whom I was most uncomfortable aren't interested in those areas.
We can participate safely in woods and barn activities without wearing masks.
My wife loves the woods very much and the new activities are drawing her out of her "shell."
Our dogs have developed friendships with several of the new kids, a very beautiful thing to share.

So, that is a brief outline of four of the most emotionally painful years of my life.
I can feel that things are coming back to life, and how much I need them.
I suspect I'm not alone in this experience.
This community is also a place where I have been able to connect with people.
I am grateful, and hope I haven't over-shared.

I want to share briefly how Covid seriously damaged the social aspects of our lives and how we are beginning to build new connections.
Because of my wife's multiple illnesses we are especially cautious. We have taken all vaccines and boosters, continue to wear masks in stores and only eat out in restaurants that offer outdoor seating. We have avoided Covid. We monitor the local statistics, and continue to be concerned about respiratory illnesses.

As it turned out, there were some "anti-vaxxers" in our co-housing community and thus irreconcilable differences about use of the common building. We stopped having community meals and eventually there was a serious breakdown of the sense of community, which is still not healed.
It seems that once people begin to "take sides" the topics of disagreement expand and arguments become very ugly.

Something very similar happened in my faith community and I've left a religion which I followed regularly for 30 years.
And something very similar happened in the professional organization in which I played a leading role for 20 years. Fortunately it was time for me to retire.

I was a community and faith believer, and was so heartbroken that I had real concerns about what was happening to my health. Sometimes I felt a small number of sustaining community friendships kept me alive.
My wife's illnesses were already causing her to isolate, and the Covid-related conflicts brought her to a point of just wanting to move and run away from everything. Her health is much, much better now and she can imagine living again. And traveling to visit a newborn grand-baby!

This year some new families have moved into our community, and their fresh spirits have been very heartwarming. I've found a path to participation that I can follow.
Outdoors, the community woods and the barn, are areas where I have something to offer and two of the new families are very interested in those areas.
The community members with whom I was most uncomfortable aren't interested in those areas.
We can participate safely in woods and barn activities without wearing masks.
My wife loves the woods very much and the new activities are drawing her out of her "shell."
Our dogs have developed friendships with several of the new kids, a very beautiful thing to share.

So, that is a brief outline of four of the most emotionally painful years of my life.
I can feel that things are coming back to life, and how much I need them.
I suspect I'm not alone in this experience.
This community is also a place where I have been able to connect with people.
I am grateful, and hope I haven't over-shared.

Ed, this was a wonderful report - sadly many people have experienced the same "breakdowns" due to differing views. But you and your wife have gone the next step, which is to rebuild your community connections to suit you.

I know from years in a small winter community how fragile the connections can be, and how little it can take to break them, and how hard it can be to heal and/or rebuild.

Like you, I am the point of reevaluating one of my long-time volunteer roles - still trying to decide if it is time to retire, or to "wait out" yet another round of leadership changes because of my passion for the group and close connections to other members. On of my close friends keeps saying "We've been through this before - we're still here and they are gone" but the older I get the more I value peaceful interactions and try to avoid stressful ones...

So, to focus on the proactive side of our need for community as we age in place:
What can we do to nurture connections with people, especially if we are recovering from the loss of community during the Covid epidemic?

One thing I'll offer with deepest gratitude is that my dog Hazel has been my #1 connection advocate. We walk at least twice a day and we've made good human and dog friends along our routes. A very few are now among my best friends. Others are more acquaintances, some just give a friendly wave, but don't underestimate the value that a friendly wave can give.
The Method: go for regular walks with your dog and don't expect too much, but be glad for each wave and smile. Say hello and talk about the weather. No one needs more unhappiness. Try to share simple, happy moments with people you pass and eventually you may make deeper connections.

Here's Hazel, (click to see the whole picture); Hazel's always ready to meet new friends:

So, to focus on the proactive side of our need for community as we age in place:
What can we do to nurture connections with people, especially if we are recovering from the loss of community during the Covid epidemic?

One thing I'll offer with deepest gratitude is that my dog Hazel has been my #1 connection advocate. We walk at least twice a day and we've made good human and dog friends along our routes. A very few are now among my best friends. Others are more acquaintances, some just give a friendly wave, but don't underestimate the value that a friendly wave can give.
The Method: go for regular walks with your dog and don't expect too much, but be glad for each wave and smile. Say hello and talk about the weather. No one needs more unhappiness. Try to share simple, happy moments with people you pass and eventually you may make deeper connections.

Here's Hazel, (click to see the whole picture); Hazel's always ready to meet new friends:

Hi edsutton - I've found that being out in my front yard anytime from late afternoon to or through early evening is a great time to visit - with all the dog walkers. I can be trimming iris, or daffodills, or pulling weeds, and a friendly hello will usually cause a walker to stop, possibly for only a few minutes or perhaps for longer, and a friendly face has been encountered. I'm much enjoying the warmth of these spring evenings, and I similarly much enjoy chatting with new friends. (Then there are always to one or two who leave the sidewalk to walk down the center of the very quiet street avoiding all possibility of contact - mainly because their dog is on a 15 foot leash. I don't take it personally.)