Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

I fully understand this man’s feelings and frustration. I am in the same boat and have met my maximum frustration level at 5 years without intimacy due to my wife’s battle with bc that quickly sterilized her and I got to watch the numerous treatments destroy what was left of her sexuality that will never be fixed, recovered, ever. As a good man we are faced with a difficult situation and can either divorce and find someone new and destroy your family or stay and be miserable. I don’t know how to cheat nor do I want to but I also can’t stop remembering how good sex and lovemaking felt. It’s very painful every day we see people happy people and wonder what that must be like.

@ladysmo - I'll suggest it again...you should consider finding a therapist so you at least have someone to talk to about these matters. I interpret your posted discussions as meaning you'd like to have that sort of conversation.

Do you have a PCP you can ask for suggestions? Have you looked for a therapist on line (to later meet in person)? Do you live in a large enough town where therapists are available?

Venting is fine but venting alone is unlikely to offer you a solution.

So talk to a councilor!
Tony

Sexless Marraige .
Your basic expectations are flawed. There is no Santa clause, easter bunny, tooth fairy or and they lived happily ever after.
Scott Peck a psychoanalyst wrote the “road less traveled “years ago. The first chapter said it all.”life is difficult life is problems you will always have challenges in your life, as soon as you understand , accept and truly embrace that concept then life will be easy.”
52 years married, no sex for 28 years now. Her fault my fault but we love each other and are life partners with 2 great kids. Yes life is less that perfect I stayed because I love her. Perfect is a concept not related to people. Good luck,because that is my truth doesn’t make it your.
Tony

I just came across this and had to throw my two cents in. My wife is 70 and I am 76. We have been married for 33 years. We have had a very rewarding sex life for the most part. Not perfect, but satisfying. Since injuring my back a few years back, my libido has slowly diminshed to the point where hardly anything gets me aroused. My wife is okay with that. Our love is deeper than sex. Yes, it is an important aspect of a loving marriage, but, sometimes, it is necessary to look past that part of your marriage. Focus on other aspects of your life together.

It happens! I had 2 organ transplants over the past 24 years. As a guy, I learned to take care of myself when I feel like it now. We have an adult child with a disability too.

Til death do us part! Remember?

I was in a sexless marriage. I am still married to her and very attracted to her. I am in my early 60’s and she is late 50’s. We have been together for 30 years.
I did not want to pressure her because I was afraid she would loose respect for me.
It would make this very long if I tried to explain all the things I tried to do. I had a fling but ended it and told my wife about it. She was not angry. Her response was the right one. She shook her head and said I was “such a screw up”.
I explained what happened very well and I was not lying when I said I felt like this was my problem to take care of myself. I was afraid she would resent me If I made her do something that she did not want to do.
Also she is busy living her life and she was too tired at the end of the day.
There are some other things about her and me that I just could not list and explain without writing a book.
We lived apart a few times for a variety of reasons and when we would reunite there would be some sex but then we would fall back into our old stations.
At times I resented her but not enough to be passive aggressive or “punish” her.
The last time we were separated by over 1000 miles for a little over a year.
When we reunited I was ecstatic and had great sex again.
She said she came to realize how much she missed me and loves me.
There was something a little suspicious about it but
I just think why look a gift horse in the mouth.
I never did this myself but I wonder if it might have helped to take the edge off to have a male friend to vent to about the sexual frustration.
I think some men do not have many male friends.
I am not sure that watching pornography is a healthy substitute but I know that we are doing it anyway.
It leads to obsessing about sex.
I am sure I will get a lot of arguments for saying this but I
am going to throw it out there anyway.
What if someone in a sexless marriage masturbated with someone of the same sex.
I will let someone else make this case but I am fairly certain that it could accomplish most of the needs people are missing.

Would not recommend this. Only bad things can happen. Yes. sex is an important aspect of marriage, but not the major part to be sure. Have you gone to couseling? I would recommend a good, highly-respected Christian counselor, even if you are not a Jesus follower. He or she will not be quick to jump on the "separation/divorce bandwagon". There are many love languages. The couselor can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses. This could help to not only save your marriage, but, also, help each of you come to a better understanding of yourself.

Thank you for the feedback. Is the reason you would not recommend my solution that it is a sin or abomination according to most religions?