1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Time for Memory Care

Posted by trishaanderson @trishaanderson, Apr 12 7:08am

I made the decision it’s time for my husband who has advanced Alzheimer's to go to a memory care home, for his safety as well as mine.
It’s frightening for me to wake up to him standing over me and not knowing who I am and wanting me to leave. Sometimes he wants to leave.
My wonderful daughter has done a lot of work visiting and interviewing several local memory care homes. She thinks she has found a good fit that also has availability.
This is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, and I could sure use some support.

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trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Apr 27 6:29am
In reply to @thereaklenb "She was refusing her medication and skipping meals and becoming more and more delirious each day...." + (show)
@thereaklenb

She was refusing her medication and skipping meals and becoming more and more delirious each day. The staff admitted that she really need 1 on 1 care in the mornings to get showered and dressed. If left to herself, i would fine her with 2 pair of socks a 3 pair of underwear on when i came to visit. She also developed diarrhea so it became clear she would be better off at home with home health care assistance.

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Thank you for sharing your very personal experience.
Hope things are going better at home with care assistance.
Warmly

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janiceanntheresa | @janiceanntheresa | Apr 27 9:19am
In reply to @thereaklenb "She was refusing her medication and skipping meals and becoming more and more delirious each day...." + (show)
@thereaklenb

She was refusing her medication and skipping meals and becoming more and more delirious each day. The staff admitted that she really need 1 on 1 care in the mornings to get showered and dressed. If left to herself, i would fine her with 2 pair of socks a 3 pair of underwear on when i came to visit. She also developed diarrhea so it became clear she would be better off at home with home health care assistance.

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How did you find good home care assistance> I would like to know more about that. My husband is in a VA facility and I would like to bring him back home but know at my age I cannot do it alone. And there is no one else to help me. He has been in a facilit for 3 months with problems there with him not very happy at times. Would appreciate any advice you can give me.

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2 replies
maryvc | @maryvc | Apr 27 9:54am

My heart goes out to you who have come to this place- a place I may be some day. Hugs and prayers and much much compassion and empathy.
I am thinking that at the point where you make your decision, the intention is for your loved one's safety and care and you can't do it all. We have to say good bye to guilt and also continue to be there as much as possible. I hope everything unfolds okay.

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trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Apr 27 10:55am
In reply to @janiceanntheresa "How did you find good home care assistance> I would like to know more about that...." + (show)
@janiceanntheresa

How did you find good home care assistance> I would like to know more about that. My husband is in a VA facility and I would like to bring him back home but know at my age I cannot do it alone. And there is no one else to help me. He has been in a facilit for 3 months with problems there with him not very happy at times. Would appreciate any advice you can give me.

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I'm afraid you misunderstood; I'm trying to deal with placing my dear husband in a memory care facility. Home care was not an option for us because the problem is he doesn't know who I am at times and wants me to leave unfortunately it usually at night. A stranger in the house isn't going to help.

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thereaklenb | @thereaklenb | Apr 27 10:45pm
In reply to @janiceanntheresa "How did you find good home care assistance> I would like to know more about that...." + (show)
@janiceanntheresa

How did you find good home care assistance> I would like to know more about that. My husband is in a VA facility and I would like to bring him back home but know at my age I cannot do it alone. And there is no one else to help me. He has been in a facilit for 3 months with problems there with him not very happy at times. Would appreciate any advice you can give me.

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I was able to bring my wife home knowing that I would need help from home health care folks. She is stable now but I know that will most likely change and I will bring on more help as needed. I know that is not an option for a lot of caregivers but as long as I am healthy that is our plan. I am thinking this may be years rather than months so my son and I will plan accordingly.

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thereaklenb | @thereaklenb | Apr 27 10:48pm

We are using a nationwide home healthcare company --TheKey. So far they have been very accommodating but they are expensive.

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janet7 | @janet7 | Apr 28 7:42pm
In reply to @trishaanderson "Does anyone have experience with dropping the love of your life off at memory care? What..." + (show)
@trishaanderson

Does anyone have experience with dropping the love of your life off at memory care?
What do you tell them? How do you tell them they are staying in this unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people? But I'm leaving and going home without him.
My heart is breaking, and I don't know if I can go through with it.

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Is there some reason why you cannot stay with him and attend a few times until your husband becomes familiar with the people and the environment?

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janet7 | @janet7 | Apr 28 8:03pm

Have you discussed this with his doctors and found an answer from them? They would give you the peace of mind that you are doing the right thing. They might have suggestions for Memory Care too.

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billiekip | @billiekip | Jul 24 10:19am

Our doctor said, "You will know when you have reached your max." I think you have. There is the possibility of a violent aspect to ALZ that can happen even if the spouse was the most mild-mannered person prior to having an ALZ diagnosis. When I feel afraid, that will be my bottom line. I think you have reached yours; I call it the intuitive "oh oh" feeling. I hope you will do what is necessary for your own safety.

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1 reply
trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Aug 1 11:12am
In reply to @billiekip "Our doctor said, "You will know when you have reached your max." I think you have...." + (show)
@billiekip

Our doctor said, "You will know when you have reached your max." I think you have. There is the possibility of a violent aspect to ALZ that can happen even if the spouse was the most mild-mannered person prior to having an ALZ diagnosis. When I feel afraid, that will be my bottom line. I think you have reached yours; I call it the intuitive "oh oh" feeling. I hope you will do what is necessary for your own safety.

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@billiekip

Thank you for your kind words of support and wisdom.

My original post was in April; here we are, almost August.
I’m the proverbial frog sitting in the hot water.

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