How about a laugh, (hopefully)

How about a laugh...hopefully. You have got to laugh at yourself. Please, no offense to be taken at this if you wear hearing aids.

I got hearing aids a few months ago. They are wonderful...but, a booger to get use too!!

My hearing aids will squeal when someone hugs me, so I had an adjustment done.

I was in the laundry room and I was hearing a "tweeting" sound. I thought, "Oh, my word, now my hearing aids are tweeting!".

Wait for it.....My cat was bringing me his little bird that tweets and dropped it at my feet.

I laughed until I cried at my silly self and was glad it was the cat and not my hearing aids.

The older I get, the more I have to laugh at myself! I hope all you precious folks will do the same.

Blessings & Prayers to All.....

True Tales from New Jersey

My friend Bob is completely smashed, driving home.

Pulls up toward a red light and makes a whoopsie...hits the car in front of him.

And...it's a cop car.

So, .....they arrest him.

They put him in the backseat and go back to do some paperwork.

When they return, Bob is in the backseat, drunk as a fish, handcuffed...and completely laughing his head off.

The cop looks at Bob and goes, "just what the heck are you laughing at?"

Bob: (Laughing) "I can't believe I hit a cop car!!!"

++++

more tales from NJ. Man gets angry. Man loses it. Man drives his car into the lobby of the police station, with "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses blasting from his speakers.

All caught on tape:

Man crashes vehicle into police station while blasting Guns N' Roses, police say:

I'm really hoping that "NCIS: Drunk and Disorderly in Bayonne" gets picked up for another season.

@nathandavid
I think some people are determined to get insulted.
I just like finding the humor in a joke. Even Epilepsy (which I have) jokes.

What do you do when an Epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty clothes.

I posted the following joke on a neighborhood website and got all sorts of flack,

When I see lovers initials carved into a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knive on a date.

Here's another joke I like,

A lady went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist, for some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to kill my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Take care,
Jake

This country is just getting more full of human trash.

The lunatics have always been around...and in large numbers.

When archeologists were working on the pyramids, they literally found graffiti from some of the building crews.

And, you know, with disgusting jokes...just like today's crowd of Neanderthals.

Nothing has changed. Same old thing. And I don't think the percentages change much.

I think as we get older and learn more, we just realized how many cavemen have always been around.

I think some psych study found that fully 5% of US CEOs qualify as sociopaths.

Makes sense, with the kind of greed they have and the mindless, heartless, vicious decisions they make. Yet some folks still live under the delusion that some of these folks are American heroes or something...when they are actually just con men grifters...at a high level.

Before we met, my wife got around and admits she dated her fair share of Neanderthals. She says she didn't mind, as long as they were Neanderthal, dark and handsome.

I am a former stand-up comedian.

I have to say, that line, "Neanderthal, dark and handsome'

Not joking at all..... That is fully professional comedy there. Fully.

If you can produce stuff like that regularly, you can get work as a comedy writer.

Not joking. I was offered to write comedy for a major Hollywood animated film...not too too long ago. So, while I may not be the best comedian out there, I can recognize top level stuff. And that line is top line stuff.

I am a former stand-up comedian.

I have to say, that line, "Neanderthal, dark and handsome'

Not joking at all..... That is fully professional comedy there. Fully.

If you can produce stuff like that regularly, you can get work as a comedy writer.

Not joking. I was offered to write comedy for a major Hollywood animated film...not too too long ago. So, while I may not be the best comedian out there, I can recognize top level stuff. And that line is top line stuff.

Apologies for calling you Jake, Samcal.

Been up for better part of two days now ( hitting some mid-air turbulence whilst weaning off of me psych meds).