Lost friends since telling them about small vessel disease

Posted by red79 @red79, Apr 7 7:48am

Hi just wondering if anyone else having there friends back off from them cause of health conditions.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Stroke & Cerebrovascular Diseases Support Group.

Yes, this is true. People are afraid you are going to ask them for help in some sort of way. Only 10% of your friends will be there for you and my guess is they will be the Christian ones. We are here for you!

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Hi. I have a friend who has been diagnosed with vascular dementia and he doesn’t want to talk with me anymore about his diagnosis and what his Doctors are doing for him. Seems like his partner hasn’t or won’t accept the diagnosis. I am a retired Physician and like helping him if I can.

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@SusanEllen66

Oh yes. Just 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia.
It is mild, I don’t look, speak, or act much different than before. However, my neighbors who were always so friendly, seem to be avoiding me now.
Why? I’m not asking them to do anything for me that is out of the ordinary, so I don’t have a clue.
I feel rather hurt…

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I found , with my cancer, that it was one of their greatest fears ... Alzheimer’s could be for some. I said cancer and you could literally see fear go across their face. Especially older individuals, as they have had family experiences from before... before the advances in cancer treatment.
That makes them unable to face your diagnosis...not you per se. It's their weakness, not you.
I think as you go about living your life and appreciating each day , you will teach them something.
Praying others step up for you !

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I had a stroke while 350 miles from home.

It took me almost a month to get well enough to travel home.

While hospitalized, I texted/emailed everybody I knew -- I was lonely and scared. (My wife was with me, but that was about it.)

Most -- 60-70% -- of the people I contacted never replied at all. Most of the rest drifted away pretty quick.

In some ways, that hurt more than the stroke itself. You think you have friends...

For more about my stroke/recovery experience, see my YouTube channel:
"From Recovery to Discovery"
https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos
Good luck, and know that you are not alone. Even better, those who stay by your side are true friends.

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@SusanEllen66

Oh yes. Just 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia.
It is mild, I don’t look, speak, or act much different than before. However, my neighbors who were always so friendly, seem to be avoiding me now.
Why? I’m not asking them to do anything for me that is out of the ordinary, so I don’t have a clue.
I feel rather hurt…

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@red79, @SusanEllen66 - anyone who avoids you when you are at your lowest in sickness never was a true friend/neighbour in the first place. So don’t consider fallen away “friends” a loss but just a true gauge of friendship. It hurts, I am sure, but when you think of them as fair weather friends … the loss really is theirs, not yours.

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hi rashida, my mum said same and yes it hurts but your right at least I'm making new friends on here 🙂

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@nathandavid

Hi. I have a friend who has been diagnosed with vascular dementia and he doesn’t want to talk with me anymore about his diagnosis and what his Doctors are doing for him. Seems like his partner hasn’t or won’t accept the diagnosis. I am a retired Physician and like helping him if I can.

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@nathandavid, you could always approach your friend to let him know that you are there if he needs anything or wants to talk to someone or just wants some silent company. Just being present can feel so helpful for some people.

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As for me, I only share my health conditions with my very closest friends. I prefer to be private about such matters. I would never post on social media or talk about it with strangers, except for my Mayo Clinic support group folks who are in the same boat as I.
Furthermore, I do not allow my health conditions define who I am. If a close friend turns away, know that person was not a true friend. As Paramahansa Yogananda so wisely said, "Loyalty begins where convenience ends." Those willing to go through the ups and downs of life are the ones you want to keep...and share with. Just my two cents!

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@red79

hi rashida, my mum said same and yes it hurts but your right at least I'm making new friends on here 🙂

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Yes, you have friends here who truly understand. People who have not experienced what you have, cannot relate to your situation.

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@equanimous

As for me, I only share my health conditions with my very closest friends. I prefer to be private about such matters. I would never post on social media or talk about it with strangers, except for my Mayo Clinic support group folks who are in the same boat as I.
Furthermore, I do not allow my health conditions define who I am. If a close friend turns away, know that person was not a true friend. As Paramahansa Yogananda so wisely said, "Loyalty begins where convenience ends." Those willing to go through the ups and downs of life are the ones you want to keep...and share with. Just my two cents!

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Right, we are not our illness or disease.

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