Yesterday.....

Posted by stuckonu @stuckonu, Sep 24, 2019

Maybe this needs to be posted elsewhere or maybe another title like “ safe-word “ or living alone and rethinking it, I’m only sure of a few things: 1 pain that goes off the chart 2 I made 5 phone calls looking to talk or for help and for my doctor to call me and my therapist to call me and at the end of the day after taking way too many drugs trying to manage my pain being too hot then too cold and unable to find a comfortable way to be, yes, I wish someone was here with me just to know that there was another person in the house if things got worse…. what about a safe word as I’ve heard it call for roll players when one player starts going too far, or on Chicago PD when they use someone to catch someone else, they tell the person if things get bad use this word.
When you call a friend or a doctor or anyone that you NEED TO TALK WITH do we need to have safe words or real words or some way to let others know I just don’t want to chit chat, I’m in trouble.
I’m so judgemental because I’m such a jerk and I go when people ask, I drop everything and fly across the country to help a friend and once things got really really bad unexpectedly and both Mom and Dad decided to go out of country and leave me with 3 kids of varying ages who I had to do homework with, take to school and swim practice and meets, I did so much that there is no job disciplining to cover all that I did. But these were my FRIENDS! and they needed me and asked ME to take care of the kids who I grew up with and I loved them as they loved me so I agreed to care for them a month then something unknown became revealed and suddenly the circumstances changed and let me toot my own horn: there wasn’t a person alive better than me to adjust. But when the shoe is on the other foot all I hear is excuses.
One out of five called me back. Then as it was getting dark out I discovered that my toilet was broken and was running for hours it almost ran my well dry which means the water went into the septic tank there is not plumber or anyone else who could fix better than me what needed to be done so I turned off the toilet stripped naked and rubbed icy hot everywhere safe because the pain as mentioned was off the charts and I knew I needed to crawl through a small door to get under the house to check what I could check but mainly to turn off the well pump which I did until it gets light out.
I’m really upset Do we need a word or two to get a person to understand that a call is all that is needed for a person who lives alone. The one friend close enough to come here and help texted me that he was still tied up with a computer problem that I helped him with last week as I dropped everything to look for a keyboard that most people have thrown out. After not eating all day I told him I just walked in and the key was still in the door and I hadn’t eaten all day but he found a way to stress how important it was for him so I took a few swings of chicken broth and pulled out a huge piece of furniture which may be why my back is so bad crawled under a table pulled out draws just to get the keyboard out. He got here so fast I thought he might have been parked outside, I still didn’t finish the soup
I need a shot and a few words of reason, the pain is still radiating and I’m not sure if I have water

I’m not thinking well and oh BTW
I HATE THE ER

I Have a 3 pm massage scheduled so maybe I can handle it until then

Liked by Leonard

I know how long my posts are. I apologize I’m not sure why I think every part is important

Thanks for aaecepting my rambling

REPLY

I’m sorry your in so much pain. It probably all that cooking! Is it only your back or do you have other issues? Remember, if they are true friends they’ll understand when you say “no.” I don’t mind the ER but I don’t like the wait. I hope your day improves.
Jake

REPLY

@stuckonu I hope the sunrise this morning found you in a better place as far as your pain and discomfort. That is quite a predicament to get in to, and way harder to get out of. You are right, there should be a word, maybe "help!"? As people who live alone, or have lived alone much of their life, we learn to make do on our own, and the idea of reaching out for assistance is unfamiliar to us. May I suggest when you feel better, that you speak with close friends or those you trust, and explain that if they ever hear you say that word, it is because you need them right then. As for the medical professionals, well….
Ginger

REPLY
@jakedduck1

I’m sorry your in so much pain. It probably all that cooking! Is it only your back or do you have other issues? Remember, if they are true friends they’ll understand when you say “no.” I don’t mind the ER but I don’t like the wait. I hope your day improves.
Jake

Jump to this post

Thanx Jake. It not just my back I injured my back in the Army the low back seemed to turn into other things over time

Liked by Leonard

REPLY

@stuckonu I'm really sorry that you are going through this and that people who should be there for you have not been. It's times like these when we know who our real friends are.
I think @gingerw has a great idea with talking to your friends and telling them that if you are really in great need you will use a certain word so they will realize, although I suspect that you would not be calling them and pleading with them if you were not in great need.
I hope things are better today and that your massage went well. Massages really are so therapeutic, for body and for mind.
JK

REPLY
@contentandwell

@stuckonu I'm really sorry that you are going through this and that people who should be there for you have not been. It's times like these when we know who our real friends are.
I think @gingerw has a great idea with talking to your friends and telling them that if you are really in great need you will use a certain word so they will realize, although I suspect that you would not be calling them and pleading with them if you were not in great need.
I hope things are better today and that your massage went well. Massages really are so therapeutic, for body and for mind.
JK

Jump to this post

Thanks JK for your thoughts. I’ve thought a lot recently that what I’ve been experiencing is a sign of the times. Several years ago I responded to the sound of little girls hollering for help. They were about 8 and 11 ( just guessing ) they were playing with matches while no one was home. They started a fire of fallen leaves. When I got there there was no hose and the fire wasn’t out of control so I started stomping it out. I was wearing PJ’s which caught fire. I managed to get the leave fire and the pj fire out. The girls thanked me and begged me not to tell their parents. I told them to clean up the leaves and went home in a lot of pain. It was worse than I thought with the synthetic material stuck to my skin and I was burned from my heal to my butt on one leg. I didn’t call 911 nor did I go to the ER. I had a writers group meeting that night that I didn’t want to miss because we had a speaker coming. But in the 3 or 4 hours from getting burned to driving to the meeting the pain was going off the chart. I got to the meeting limping and dragging my leg. A few people asked me what was wrong so I showed them. They kinda freaked out and told me I needed to go to the ER and told me where one was. No one offered to drive me and no one called the next day, the next week, or ever. One women called about 2 weeks afterward and I told her I was transferred to the burn unit and hospitalized a week. She said she felt bad but she could help because…. The hospital ordered home nursing. I had 1st 2nd and 3 rd degree burns on one leg. I was house bound for 2 months. No neighbors ever stopped in to ask why my cars hadn’t moved and free papers were collecting in my driveway. It was my mailman, a veteran who came to my door with my mail and to see if I was okay because he noticed what non of the neighbors did. It was also ironic that the girls parents never stopped and they moved out in the without notice stealing the appliances and a stained glass window. I was told that it was a family of gypsies…. the girls may not have been sisters which is what I first thought but what does any of that matter? Maybe all of my neighbors are gypsies or Steppford’s

REPLY
@stuckonu

Thanks JK for your thoughts. I’ve thought a lot recently that what I’ve been experiencing is a sign of the times. Several years ago I responded to the sound of little girls hollering for help. They were about 8 and 11 ( just guessing ) they were playing with matches while no one was home. They started a fire of fallen leaves. When I got there there was no hose and the fire wasn’t out of control so I started stomping it out. I was wearing PJ’s which caught fire. I managed to get the leave fire and the pj fire out. The girls thanked me and begged me not to tell their parents. I told them to clean up the leaves and went home in a lot of pain. It was worse than I thought with the synthetic material stuck to my skin and I was burned from my heal to my butt on one leg. I didn’t call 911 nor did I go to the ER. I had a writers group meeting that night that I didn’t want to miss because we had a speaker coming. But in the 3 or 4 hours from getting burned to driving to the meeting the pain was going off the chart. I got to the meeting limping and dragging my leg. A few people asked me what was wrong so I showed them. They kinda freaked out and told me I needed to go to the ER and told me where one was. No one offered to drive me and no one called the next day, the next week, or ever. One women called about 2 weeks afterward and I told her I was transferred to the burn unit and hospitalized a week. She said she felt bad but she could help because…. The hospital ordered home nursing. I had 1st 2nd and 3 rd degree burns on one leg. I was house bound for 2 months. No neighbors ever stopped in to ask why my cars hadn’t moved and free papers were collecting in my driveway. It was my mailman, a veteran who came to my door with my mail and to see if I was okay because he noticed what non of the neighbors did. It was also ironic that the girls parents never stopped and they moved out in the without notice stealing the appliances and a stained glass window. I was told that it was a family of gypsies…. the girls may not have been sisters which is what I first thought but what does any of that matter? Maybe all of my neighbors are gypsies or Steppford’s

Jump to this post

@stuckonu I don’t recall if you have mentioned where you live but often people do not want to intrude, at least that’s true here in New England. I am sure in my neighborhood, unless it was a neighbor with whom I was particularly friendly, no one would check up on me. I don’t think it’s due to being uncaring, most people are just not that outgoing.

That sounds like really horrible burns, I’m glad you were convinced to go to the ER, the burns could have gotten infected and that would have been an even bigger problem.
JK

REPLY
@contentandwell

@stuckonu I don’t recall if you have mentioned where you live but often people do not want to intrude, at least that’s true here in New England. I am sure in my neighborhood, unless it was a neighbor with whom I was particularly friendly, no one would check up on me. I don’t think it’s due to being uncaring, most people are just not that outgoing.

That sounds like really horrible burns, I’m glad you were convinced to go to the ER, the burns could have gotten infected and that would have been an even bigger problem.
JK

Jump to this post

Hey JK, I want to believe that places do exist in a way that I remember as a child and even a teenager.
There was a show on a few months ago about Americans waiting for Visa’s to Italy. Many are Italian/American’s looking to move back to the homeland of their grandparents. But not everyone is I/A’s The one thing that everyone found when they went to Italy on vacation was the friendliness of the people. So besides the food, art, architecture, clothes, and the history is all around you when your there.
I’ve met a number of veterans who moved to Costa Rica. From my travels around the world I have to agree that it’s the people first that would attract me to consider a move to a foreign land.
When I think of our country I think about the divisions and the politics which is in great part responsible for the division.
The weather extremes have become obviously a major consideration. In the 60s we maybe heard of a tornado once in a blue moon. The same for floods, fires, avalanches, and bears coming into homes looking for food. Did I mention gun violence?
When I think about moving from here nothing stands out anymore.
Although this might need a separate post I can mention it here and make it relative. I found a journal from 2000 and I was amazed at where I was and what was happening. One thing I was writing about was all of the PVC’s I don’t write about them anymore.
I’d like to take a trip but I’m looking for my mind since I feel lost and free falling.

REPLY
@stuckonu

Hey JK, I want to believe that places do exist in a way that I remember as a child and even a teenager.
There was a show on a few months ago about Americans waiting for Visa’s to Italy. Many are Italian/American’s looking to move back to the homeland of their grandparents. But not everyone is I/A’s The one thing that everyone found when they went to Italy on vacation was the friendliness of the people. So besides the food, art, architecture, clothes, and the history is all around you when your there.
I’ve met a number of veterans who moved to Costa Rica. From my travels around the world I have to agree that it’s the people first that would attract me to consider a move to a foreign land.
When I think of our country I think about the divisions and the politics which is in great part responsible for the division.
The weather extremes have become obviously a major consideration. In the 60s we maybe heard of a tornado once in a blue moon. The same for floods, fires, avalanches, and bears coming into homes looking for food. Did I mention gun violence?
When I think about moving from here nothing stands out anymore.
Although this might need a separate post I can mention it here and make it relative. I found a journal from 2000 and I was amazed at where I was and what was happening. One thing I was writing about was all of the PVC’s I don’t write about them anymore.
I’d like to take a trip but I’m looking for my mind since I feel lost and free falling.

Jump to this post

@stuckonu We have been to Italy two times, my husband's father came from Sicily. I didn't find the people in the cities to be all that friendly but when we went to Sicily people went out of their way to be friendly and helpful. We went to the town where my father-in-law was born in 1904 and a young woman actually went through the records and found his birth certificate and the address where he lived!

I think in this country people are more similar than we give them credit for though. I think if I was looking for something like that, or if I was obviously not from an area, that people would be as helpful as they were in Sicily. Maybe I am just an optimist.
JK

REPLY

Hi JK, you may indeed be an optimist and perhaps that even shines through. I’ve had a few opportunities to change my appearance with clothes, hair, vehicles that I drive. It has been so amazing noticing and feeling the differences in attitude from others if they approve or disapprove of anything and at times everything depending on people’s biases, prejudices, beliefs, and attitudes. I know that it’s impossible to know how I might be treated if I was a different color, sex, or effected by an obvious “ handicap “ which I have a difficult time saying. When I drove my Dad’s vehicle which had a POW license plate people no longer saw my long hair, clothes, or any other detail that they say when I drove another vehicle. It’s very interesting how our judgements quickly come out if we are not outfitted in the things we chose to use.
I realized a long time ago that it doesn’t matter how good or how bad you might be what HB’s see first affects what they think next. It’s often an up hill battle to overcome those prejudices.
Being single and living alone seems to generate a whole different set of beliefs that are not easy to overcome. I’m not so sure that optimism helps shine a light on me that cancels out the other values that blind people from noticing signs that should say” check to see if help is needed here” I’m not sure that I can find a new place to live where those obvious characteristics won’t be discovered and known first. I have no idea if Italians would see or care about those same things.
For now I’m here and after 10 years it’s taking a toll.
BTW every Halloween for ten years I’ve gotten great candy and decorated my house. One year a mom took her kids here and sent the kids up to my door alone while she waited in the driveway. The kids LOVED THE CANDY and turned to Mom to tell her and show her. I said hello to mom and introduced myself and asked Mom if she want one of the candy bars that I was handing out. She did ask for a Baby Ruth but didn’t walk up to get it. They moved away before the next Halloween. No one else has every showed up. Last year I filled up the bag and went to their houses. One dad told me that no one trick or treats in this development. They carpool to other developments. I’m going to the library this year then out for a bite to eat. I’m not going to spend 25 bucks on candy that I wind up eating
Talk about digressing 🎃

REPLY
Please login or register to post a reply.