Where do you go when you're no longer add value?
I've been sick for 9 years, and I'm only 43.
I've watched people come, then slowly drift away. I never needed many friends but a few very close ones and family. As my sickness lingered people drifted, moving growing in life changing as I felt stuck in the frozen in time, consumed by the pain, the weakness, even self destruction. I used to be a sunshine, spitfire extrovert pre covid, now I am the extreme opposite and my whole personality/behaviors have changed dramatically. I isolate bc I enjoy being alone after forcing it.
Malnutrition has me brain fogged, confused, unable to learn new, or do smart things I've always done. I forgot how to do my job, literally clueless, and freeze instead of fight to overcome. I can't do good deeds for strangers or community volunteering as I have in the past to help and for self gratification. I have nothing to offer. And literally lost all my skills/talents. People don't like me. I can't date due to inability to have sex, I bring no value to anything or anyone anymore, yet my illness is a slow progressive terminal one, so..what now? Keep coming up w ridiculous to do lists to keep me overly busy? Where do you go, what do you do when you no longer add value?
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
@kell4042 this is a con’t. I can’t address everything you wrote but I am that. First my memory has gone to crap. And my doctor wants me to see a specialist. Won’t go into details but my good vocabulary is gone. I can’t remember things so simple. It seems to get worse with more time. I can go I to detail personally if…I’m trying to make this fast and short. I was laid off before COVID. Actually im not sure if this site has direct messaging. But I would just rather share a personal situation with you only. However this site prolly does not allow that. I m in the same situation u explained but I am finding ways to get thru it. I think I have some helpful suggestions. Let me know.
Laura
I do not understand what you are telling me.
Thank you for this. “We all have so much to offer. We didn't get here because we are broken we arrived wherever we are because of our gifts. Share them if you can.”
Dfb, I so appreciate your words or worlds actually. I was one of those OG prison RNs correctional care RNS at a state facility. I , too, struggle with depression and currently work for the county providing medical care for the unhoused at this time …
Our kindred souls are only a couple paychecks away from that life or a regrettable
Mistake from being behind bars.
And no, we don’t like it if you go 5150 or to the box or on suicide watch. We are all people , well most of us , some of the COs need a lesson or two in life skills.
I am pleased to hear your positive attitude and let me congratulate you
On your strength and fortitude. That life everyday ; and this I know is a toxic environment , is the bottom
For most folks but you moved forwards! Fabulous..
I still struggle with my demons and I will use your words as inspiration 😉
I try to share what I have learned with whomever wants to hear my story ; keep sharing yours !
SR, RN
A lovely story. Good for you.
As I age and struggle with medical issues I find myself wanting to stay in and sleep. I struggle with depression and anxiety and am on an antidepressant and Clonazam. The Clonazapam doesn’t help 100 percent and I feel the combination of the two drugs may not be the right combination but I have been in them for ever. Aging is a factor, I’m sure and I feel guilty as I cannot be tbe grandmother I would like to be. I’m soon going to be 77.
Maryjjdeannis
I understand completely where you are coming from. I feel like I was a bad daughter because I didn't have my mom live with me. She needed help and I felt like it was more than I could do. I did take care of her but not always in my home. I had no one to help. I suffer with depression and anxiety since being a teenager. I am 71 years old.
Let's try and think that we did and are doing the best we can. I can't seem to do it, but let's keep trying. Enjoy your time with the children when you are with them. I remember all the good times with my mom.
Love and peace
Marlie
I got a puppy! 😬 hope this makes everyone smile!
Hi, Laura
What kind of specialist does your doctor want you to see?
I'm having similar memory, vocabulary, etc issues.
Thanx for your reply.