Where do you go when you're no longer add value?

Posted by kell4042 @kell4042, Aug 28, 2023

I've been sick for 9 years, and I'm only 43.
I've watched people come, then slowly drift away. I never needed many friends but a few very close ones and family. As my sickness lingered people drifted, moving growing in life changing as I felt stuck in the frozen in time, consumed by the pain, the weakness, even self destruction. I used to be a sunshine, spitfire extrovert pre covid, now I am the extreme opposite and my whole personality/behaviors have changed dramatically. I isolate bc I enjoy being alone after forcing it.
Malnutrition has me brain fogged, confused, unable to learn new, or do smart things I've always done. I forgot how to do my job, literally clueless, and freeze instead of fight to overcome. I can't do good deeds for strangers or community volunteering as I have in the past to help and for self gratification. I have nothing to offer. And literally lost all my skills/talents. People don't like me. I can't date due to inability to have sex, I bring no value to anything or anyone anymore, yet my illness is a slow progressive terminal one, so..what now? Keep coming up w ridiculous to do lists to keep me overly busy? Where do you go, what do you do when you no longer add value?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

@kell4042 this is a con’t. I can’t address everything you wrote but I am that. First my memory has gone to crap. And my doctor wants me to see a specialist. Won’t go into details but my good vocabulary is gone. I can’t remember things so simple. It seems to get worse with more time. I can go I to detail personally if…I’m trying to make this fast and short. I was laid off before COVID. Actually im not sure if this site has direct messaging. But I would just rather share a personal situation with you only. However this site prolly does not allow that. I m in the same situation u explained but I am finding ways to get thru it. I think I have some helpful suggestions. Let me know.
Laura

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@sisyphus

@buchanana Here's what I've come to realize that a lot of health issues stem from when the basic healthy habits of food and physical activity are compromised. One can ask, though: What if one has no interest maintaining healthy habits in these areas? And it's a valid question, too.
The answer often provided is good health and mood and other social psychological benefits. But if one insists on with a similar objection, with no interest in these benefits. What do you say next?
But if I said, that such interventions will not only do wonderful to not only You but also Others around you: friends, family, neighbors, tribe, nation, then your decision to squander your life also means you've taken away from Others, too, what was Their good life. This is the Purpose that prof Patrick Hill of wash State Univ at St Louis (and others) have come up with, without which he found that people may lose Reason to live a Full Fledged Life that uses their unique gifts.

This is what has mostly provided me the impetus to Get Most from my hours and days of my time in this forever mysterious universe. As you can see healthy choices only help me More to get near this goal. So on a eight decade old skeleton I still have rarely seen doctors, no meds surgeries or tests, all this with at least two up-and-down cycles in fortune.
I'd love to know your progress -- and ready to answer any questions -- in this generous vision of life that awaits us all.

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I do not understand what you are telling me.

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@dfb

Fifteen years ago I began a long downhill slide that would ultimately cost me everything, even my freedom. I fell from a life I loved to being so worthless that everyone including my wife and precious children cast me aside. The society I was a leader in decided I was not only worthless but dangerous and put me in prison. I am actually an incredibly gentle and loving man who was very sick.

When I arrived at prison it was a horror. I am a middle age businessman surround by truly dangerous people half my age. All I wanted was to die as quickly as possible. It's not that easy to kill oneself in prison, they don't like that. So I shuffled along like the waking dead I was.

One day another inmate started to talk to me about his problems so I listened. One thing lead to another and I became an official mentor helping other inmates cope with the stresses of being incarcerated. I was worth something again! My life experience and especially my suffering became my salvation and a gift to others. I earned the respect of my fellow inmates, the guards, the medical staff and the professional consolers, all because I had suffered.

I got out of prison early and have been trying to rebuild my life and make contact with my children. I am starting another company providing patient medical research to doctors and mental health professionals. All by mining the depths of my despair.

We who suffer with mental illness and all that comes with it have more to give than I ever realized. When one of the nurses in the prison stopped me as I was leaving and shook my had and said "it has been a genuine pleasure knowing you" I couldn't help but start crying as I am doing right now.

You are the definition of value add. You know what it is like to be at war with yourself, to be lonely and completely misunderstood. You know Hell's pathways. Sit on a bench in a park and see the homeless, really see them. When I do I try to feel love for them and to understand their suffering. I'm not sure what it does for me, it's not gratitude for my life, more a kinship.

We all have so much to offer. We didn't get here because we are broken we arrived wherever we are because of our gifts. Share them if you can.

My sorrow is my strength because that's what I have.

Be well and walk in sunshine all the days of your life.

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Thank you for this. “We all have so much to offer. We didn't get here because we are broken we arrived wherever we are because of our gifts. Share them if you can.”

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@dfb

Fifteen years ago I began a long downhill slide that would ultimately cost me everything, even my freedom. I fell from a life I loved to being so worthless that everyone including my wife and precious children cast me aside. The society I was a leader in decided I was not only worthless but dangerous and put me in prison. I am actually an incredibly gentle and loving man who was very sick.

When I arrived at prison it was a horror. I am a middle age businessman surround by truly dangerous people half my age. All I wanted was to die as quickly as possible. It's not that easy to kill oneself in prison, they don't like that. So I shuffled along like the waking dead I was.

One day another inmate started to talk to me about his problems so I listened. One thing lead to another and I became an official mentor helping other inmates cope with the stresses of being incarcerated. I was worth something again! My life experience and especially my suffering became my salvation and a gift to others. I earned the respect of my fellow inmates, the guards, the medical staff and the professional consolers, all because I had suffered.

I got out of prison early and have been trying to rebuild my life and make contact with my children. I am starting another company providing patient medical research to doctors and mental health professionals. All by mining the depths of my despair.

We who suffer with mental illness and all that comes with it have more to give than I ever realized. When one of the nurses in the prison stopped me as I was leaving and shook my had and said "it has been a genuine pleasure knowing you" I couldn't help but start crying as I am doing right now.

You are the definition of value add. You know what it is like to be at war with yourself, to be lonely and completely misunderstood. You know Hell's pathways. Sit on a bench in a park and see the homeless, really see them. When I do I try to feel love for them and to understand their suffering. I'm not sure what it does for me, it's not gratitude for my life, more a kinship.

We all have so much to offer. We didn't get here because we are broken we arrived wherever we are because of our gifts. Share them if you can.

My sorrow is my strength because that's what I have.

Be well and walk in sunshine all the days of your life.

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Dfb, I so appreciate your words or worlds actually. I was one of those OG prison RNs correctional care RNS at a state facility. I , too, struggle with depression and currently work for the county providing medical care for the unhoused at this time …
Our kindred souls are only a couple paychecks away from that life or a regrettable
Mistake from being behind bars.
And no, we don’t like it if you go 5150 or to the box or on suicide watch. We are all people , well most of us , some of the COs need a lesson or two in life skills.
I am pleased to hear your positive attitude and let me congratulate you
On your strength and fortitude. That life everyday ; and this I know is a toxic environment , is the bottom
For most folks but you moved forwards! Fabulous..
I still struggle with my demons and I will use your words as inspiration 😉

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@buchanana

Thank you for this. “We all have so much to offer. We didn't get here because we are broken we arrived wherever we are because of our gifts. Share them if you can.”

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I try to share what I have learned with whomever wants to hear my story ; keep sharing yours !
SR, RN

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@buchanana

Thank you for this. “We all have so much to offer. We didn't get here because we are broken we arrived wherever we are because of our gifts. Share them if you can.”

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A lovely story. Good for you.

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As I age and struggle with medical issues I find myself wanting to stay in and sleep. I struggle with depression and anxiety and am on an antidepressant and Clonazam. The Clonazapam doesn’t help 100 percent and I feel the combination of the two drugs may not be the right combination but I have been in them for ever. Aging is a factor, I’m sure and I feel guilty as I cannot be tbe grandmother I would like to be. I’m soon going to be 77.

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@maryjjeandennis

As I age and struggle with medical issues I find myself wanting to stay in and sleep. I struggle with depression and anxiety and am on an antidepressant and Clonazam. The Clonazapam doesn’t help 100 percent and I feel the combination of the two drugs may not be the right combination but I have been in them for ever. Aging is a factor, I’m sure and I feel guilty as I cannot be tbe grandmother I would like to be. I’m soon going to be 77.

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Maryjjdeannis
I understand completely where you are coming from. I feel like I was a bad daughter because I didn't have my mom live with me. She needed help and I felt like it was more than I could do. I did take care of her but not always in my home. I had no one to help. I suffer with depression and anxiety since being a teenager. I am 71 years old.
Let's try and think that we did and are doing the best we can. I can't seem to do it, but let's keep trying. Enjoy your time with the children when you are with them. I remember all the good times with my mom.
Love and peace
Marlie

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I got a puppy! 😬 hope this makes everyone smile!

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@mayome99

@kell4042 this is a con’t. I can’t address everything you wrote but I am that. First my memory has gone to crap. And my doctor wants me to see a specialist. Won’t go into details but my good vocabulary is gone. I can’t remember things so simple. It seems to get worse with more time. I can go I to detail personally if…I’m trying to make this fast and short. I was laid off before COVID. Actually im not sure if this site has direct messaging. But I would just rather share a personal situation with you only. However this site prolly does not allow that. I m in the same situation u explained but I am finding ways to get thru it. I think I have some helpful suggestions. Let me know.
Laura

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Hi, Laura
What kind of specialist does your doctor want you to see?
I'm having similar memory, vocabulary, etc issues.
Thanx for your reply.

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