Depression and anxiety that stem from ptsd, abuse/neglect

I can absolutely relate. I grew up the youngest of twelve. I didn't have much self-confidence or feeling of ability to relate to others. My father could be abusive in punishments. In my twenties I ended up with wife with family and mental health problems. I spent fifteen years spirally down trying to help her. I ended up a single dad. I spent another fifteen years being a single dad and ended up losing my health, job, and home. Always trying to make things better. But, always seem to run up against something else that seemed to negate any real improvements. That something I have been reaching for keeps being yanked just out of reach by something else. It has been somewhere else that I did to hurt myself. The economic changes over the years. Political influence on assistance and what was offered as help. And family fragmentation. I can't tell if I am growing or getting stronger because there always seems to be something more. I can't tell if the struggle is actually going down the road in life. Or am I just stuck in quicksand constantly flailing around.

@carlbradley42 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. You say you are not sure if your struggle is a result of the road of life or if you are flailing around in the same spot. You seem to have insight to your problems as they have happened to you, and that is definitely good, even if it is looking backwards and understanding them more. I am curious if you have been able, in the course of things, tried therapy of any kind, or self-examination through journaling, to help coping with the negative events and how to rise above them?
Ginger

I am sorry you have had the struggles you have had. But look at you, you have made it this far. I try to look at the simple bright spots like a sunrise, birds singing, thinking of spring and new life. You are not alone, there is a greater power that rules our world. I try each day to be thankful for something even if I don’t feel it, I say it and you know what somehow it works. There is hope.

@Lacy2
JS, for some reason I got the impression you'd said you lived in BC, sorry 'bout that. Also sorry your husband suffered this unexpected health crisis which put both your lives into turmoil. Stressful!

The snapping at each other might just be a normal reaction to the stress. Beware though that if he was given any steroids while in the hospital, those can cause temporary personality changes. It happened to me about 20 years ago when I got steroids for 3 days after an MS diagnosis. I became more easily angered. The effect lasted a month or two, and it helped a lot to realize it when it dawned on my wife that the doctor had mentioned this possibility. I am not sure if anesthesia can also do this, but I suspect that might be a possibility as well. Just FYI to be aware and consider all the possibilities. My best to you, Hank

@Lacy2
JS, your description of how much your life has changed sounds very much like my wife. Exactly the same. She used to be a whirlwind around the house the first 30ish years of marriage. She was so involved in many projects. Like you we did not travel a lot during my working years, mostly just visiting family in Chicago and Detroit areas (we lived in Portland, Or.) as well as a few great trips to Hawaii and of course the trip to Canada on 2001, but that was over a span of 42 years. Since Linda got neuropathy from chemo in 2014 our travel has dwindled to pretty much nada. Because she is so debilitated by illness our lives have become very curtailed, even before covid. I can't believe we get along as well as we do. There are definitely tensions and arguments along the way but we care deeply for one another through everything. Still, I could envision a better life for us both than this one for sure. I do believe we are in God's hands, thank heavens we both have that going for us! Glad you are able to vent your feelings here on Connect. Certainly some good people here to pour them out to. Best to you, Hank

Hi Daphne
Only reading your message now
Feeling low today too
,just stuck in a rut
COVID, new year, happy to have this forim to share,
Gives me comfort
Take each day,try not to overthink things
Things will improve
Im sure of that
Be sure of that too
Be kind to yourself x

@Lacy2
One more thing, JS. Linda just reminded me that after people have open heart surgery they do sometimes have a change in personality which can last upwards of a year. Our next door neighbor had this happen. Nicest, most affable guy you'd ever want to know, and he and his wife Barb were very very happy together. After his heart surgery, Barb said his behavior changed dramatically, he became abusively angry sometimes. Linda said she wishes doctors were more proactive about telling the families of heart patients about this. Here is something I found about it online (I am sure you can find more): https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20691392/
Best, Hank

I think we are all in the same mood! I'm trying to do what I call a "RESET"! We;ll see how it works! RB

@Lacy2
Oh my goodness my dear, it sounds like a very unstable situation there. I hope you have a backup resource or two? I mean is there any way for you to receive some help in a pinch? I certainly hope so, especially if there are times when neither of you has a way to be the caregiver of the moment. My wife and I are without any backup per se, all our family is over a thousand miles away and nobody nearby, just casual friends. Fortunately I am in solid health (knock on wood) but it's always in the back of my mind "what if...". We would have to lean heavily on faith in a pinch (I think of the quote about "consider the lilies of the field"..."birds of the air" etc), which takes me all the way back to the year after we were married and the unsteady situation we were in financially and how we were looked after from above back then. My heart goes out to you both, and I hope your husband can rally from his convalescence to become the rock for you both again. But I also know just how much healing is required to come back from open heart surgery, that takes so much out of one. Can be a long road back. Is he making good progress? Best, Hank

The heading of this thread (or whatever they are called) caught my eye as due to the condition of things on innumerable levels the world over improvement does does seem bleak. No positive words for now, but can understand the questioning of improvement. "Gang aft de glay" sums things up.