What to do when they will not respond?

I had a similar situation with a loved one. Out of the blue for the first time ever in my life they started to get angry with me, calling me derogatory names and told me to leave the assisted living facility. I didn't know what to do so I asked the staff and people I knew. I got different answers on what to do so I had to decide to do what I thought was best. The next time I went they got angry with me I simply left. I didn't go back for about a week, after going almost daily, and they were happy to see me and never got angry again.

So talk with professionals who know about dementia behavior and others whose opinion you value. Then you will have to make the best decision.

I agree about consulting with experts. Is he in Memory Care or regular AL? I found that Memory Care staff were quite a bit better trained and experienced in dealing with certain behaviors. If you fear he may try to leave the facility, you might explore a secure memory care.

My cousin took meds for dementia agitation. My dad does now. You could discuss it with his doctor. I wouldn’t assume anything. His phone might ring, but he doesn’t know how to answer it. The ability to do many tasks can fade. Using a remote, keeping up with glasses, etc. may no longer be feasible.

What I learned was to expect things to not be settled. Sometimes the mood might be good…other times, not so much. One thing that I used to do with my cousin was to show up with balloons, favorite foods, etc. and say we were going to celebrate. She worried a lot but wasn’t sure about what, so I said it was success on a matter she had been concerned about. Everything had worked out great! It made her happy in the moment and of course she forgot about it after I left but it made for a nice visit she enjoyed in the moment. I learned that her angst may be something outside of my control. Just dealt with it in small increments. Some people may never accept their situation and may be resistant for a long time.

I hope the social worker can offer you some input. Oh, some people pay a professional visitor to go and spend time with their loved ones. The person is trained in dementia behavior and can be a nice distraction for the resident. It gives the family member a break from daily visits.

Thank you for your reply. I also was told to get out of the room by my husband. I have been going daily also and from what I understand he has not mentioned me once. I do not want him to forget who I am. However, I realize that at some time that is possible. I may call his social worker again because she still has not called me back.

In my case I, and everyone else, thought our loved one would soon not remember anything. Well, years later they remember us all us well. I don't want to give you false hope but with this disease behaviors can change from bad to good and vice-versa in a very short period of time. Overall though, it's a processive disease that typically lasts years, which has given me in my particular situation an assurance that things are generally stable day to day, week to week, month to month, with the occasional negative behavior(s) that come and go.

Still, it's the one of the most difficult things I have ever had to go through. Definitely speak with specialists who know about your husband's particular condition. Second and third opinions are good. We have been very fortunate to have an aide that has exceptional abilities to bring out their best and keep it that way. However, we have had medical doctors who got it totally wrong. It can be so difficult but by asking different people you have good chance of getting towards the best the situation can be.