What is palliative care?

I have not taken John to a neurologist. His Dr. has never even suggested seeing a specialist, but I feel he is reaching the same stage as your wife. Our Dr has suggested we go and look at memory care and find one we like. I feel like it will be time when he no longer recognizes me and I can no longer handle the caretaker job description by myself.
I would like to hear what he says. You can private message me if you feel comfortable sharing.

maryjow718
Thanks for your comments. I do not want my wife to go anywhere. I need her to stay with me because at this point in our lives, she is my life. I will do whatever it takes to keep her with me.

Palliative care is support for your wife and you, that person you can call for respite if needed. They can also coach you through the next stages of caring for her. As a person nears the end of life, there are signs to watch for, and ways to keep her comfortable and try to keep pneumonia and UTI's at bay - these can become increasingly probable as the body itself slows down, and are possibly the biggest cause of hospitalization at the end of life.

There are no "wrong" things to say - they are offering you a service that can make the time you have left together easier.

@tunared Your comment, “at this point in our lives, she is my life,” was the most heart-felt saying I have heard in a long, long time. Your wife is truly a lucky woman to have found you.

My husband has vascular dementia and becomes rude and agitated every time we go to the doctor. It starts as I am driving there. This past week was particularly hard at home and a counselor suggested palliative care. I’m so relieved with the care he will receive, either on a zoom call or in our home. It is one less thing I will have to deal with that causes me stress.

Sue, thank you for the information

plural please.
My first wife was treated for pancreatic cancer at the Mayo and the doctors were caring and phenomenally precise on timing. They said 6 months and it was indeed 5 and a half.
Now my current wife has Parkinson's and dementia ( vascular) and I feel like Tunared. She is my life.
We men are lucky to have had and still have our wives. Even with no recognition from our current love.

Thank you

I don’t want to upset anyone, but I’ll just share what I have experienced as primary caregiver for 2 different family members who had dementia. Things can happen quickly. Getting help lined up is very important.

My dad’s primary would ask various questions about my dad’s abilities at his appointments. Daddy had a very gradual progression of Alz and even after years of progression, he could still recall his address, ss#, and bank card codes! Other areas he was not as functional. His doctor would say things can happen quickly. Still, I thought Daddy might have a couple more years. His labs were really good. He was still mobile and had a good appetite. So, we were surprised when he rather quickly began collapsing to the floor a lot. Then, he couldn’t stand up….then could barely sit up in bed, stopped eating….it was bizarre.

After contacting his primary, he referred him to hospice and we got a hospital bed, which is vital when a person cannot move in the bed. I discovered how difficult it is to move a person in bed who is not able to offer any assistance. His brain no longer allowed him to make intentional movements. To move him in the bed I needed help from another to place a sheet underneath him and gently maneuver him to a comfortable position, carefully placing pillows to prevent skin breakdown. Then up all night tending to the horrible congestion that’s known as death rattle. This is something I thought I had time to prepare for, but it hit suddenly.

My cousin was in Memory Care and after 6 years of Vascular dementia (2 years on hospice) when she peacefully passed away in her bed as the nurse was waking her up for breakfast.

So it’s difficult to know what to expect.

@davidagray You are indeed blessed, just like @tunared !