What are your tips for staying independent at your own home?

Hi, @woojr.
Your Mom sounds like a great lady. I am so impressed with her longevity and her ability to maintain some independence. But I am just so sad...and MAD...about unscrupulous people who have taken advantage of her. Unfortunately, this has happened to so many seniors who are so trusting and vulnerable. I am glad that your Mom does allow you to help her with some things. Some older folks won't let anybody help them although they clearly need help. Best wishes to your Mom and to you and your family. 💕

Thanks for the nice comments. Thought I'd update from last night's phone call for an idea of mom's world and what it's like for my wife and me. I called her about 8 pm as normal. She informed me she was not going to take her break through high BP med. It's a take as needed med which she has been taking most nights. She tells me she hasn't had high BP and only takes the pill occasionally. Then she tells me why. She says she's been seeing orange spots and something she read said it was caused by the pill she says she rarely takes. She also said she's been seeing the spots since last July. That was about the same time she saw the eye doctor for her routine visit. She claims she told the doctor that she's been seeing the orange spots and he simply said "don't worry them." This is a fairly new doc who grew up locally and is as nice as can be. My wife worked with his mother. I tried to get her to agree that if her BP went over 160 she'd take the pill. Then she went quiet. I explained the risks of BP going out of control a possible stroke and she told me the pills were making her go blind. I said we need to make an appointment to see the eye doctor ASAP and she should rest her eyes. Less screens and reading. She puts heating pads on her eyes and drops in 3-4 times a day. She takes a lot vitamin supplements that have large amounts of redundancy in what's in them. She's always believed that more is better. My wife and I are heading over there in an hour to see her and find out what she's really doing. My guess is it'll be a surprise. You see she's been talking about dry eye for a few years but never anything about spots. She has regular visits to the eye doctor and refuses to wear prescription glasses that they've prescribed for a long time. She prefers a magnifying glass. I'll end with this, aging scares me to death. I need two surgeries, shoulder and hernias. I understand what she's dealing with but she's a challenge. Oh and she told me someone almost crashed into her recently and she was scared. I've talked to the family doctor and motor vehicle people. No help there. They tell her how amazing she is... Now the spots??? I've tried taking the keys away and she bought a new car.

Ed, I think you hit the nail on the head as something we older folks have to do if we want to stay independent in our own homes. I just had an email from McMaster Optimal Aging on the topic. Although it's written for Canadian citizens it applies to us too - Don’t get scammed: Protecting yourself from financial fraud - https://www.mcmasteroptimalaging.org/hitting-the-headlines/detail/hitting-the-headlines/2025/01/14/don-t-get-scammed--protecting-yourself-from-financial-fraud.

I also found a nice booklet you can print out from the Department of Protection and Financial Services - https://dfpi.ca.gov/wp-content/uploads/sites/337/2024/01/DFPI-Protect-Yourself-from-Fraud-English-2nd-edition.pdf

@johnbishop, and all.... Well, John. You've done it again. What a wonderful addition you are to this Connect world! You have given me so many excellent suggestions and great support the last several years as I've grown to know you.

Several years ago, you recommended the McMaster folks as a good general resource. I signed on for their emails and found them often helpful, but along the way of simplifying life, I sent them away. Today, I am re-adding them to my email.

I lost my Connect connection a year or so ago, was ill a bunch last couple years and never re-connected. I'm so thankful Colleen found me again and sent me the link. I truly do better with the many issues in my aging life with connection to this site. You all are invaluable folks to those who find you!

Thanks to you and all my 'old' site friends...
Blessings, Elizabeth

Praying that you have a Blessed 2025 Elizabeth!

Oh, @woojr , that’s a lot to deal with. And it sounds like once your Mom has made up her mind about something it’s almost impossible to get her to change it. She is determined to maintain her independence and do what she thinks is best and right for her, even when the actual facts do not point in that direction.

Regarding her eyes: She gave you an account of what she said and what the eye doctor told her about the orange spots (“don’t worry about it.”). Have you been able to verify that with the doctor? Does your Mom attend her eye appointments alone? If so, are you and/or your wife able to attend with her so that you will be aware of what is actually being said? Also, does your Mom trust the eye doctor, so that if he says something is not good for her (like overuse of the eyedrops); or if assures her that he’s examined her eyes and the BP pills are NOT making her go blind; and educate her on the proper use of the eyedrops – would she believe him and change her behavior accordingly?
I presume that your Mom’s eyesight and need for prescription eyeglasses doesn’t affect her ability to drive and that she doesn’t have a requirement on her license to always wear glasses when driving? Is that the case?

Regarding the BP pills: Is your Mom able to show you exactly what she read about the pills causing orange spots? I think you gave her an excellent guideline about taking the BP pills when her reading is above 160. But it sounds like she’s not convinced of that yet.
Does she see a primary care doctor? If so, is he/she aware of which vitamins and how much of them she’s taking? Could he/she give her a regimen to follow regarding vitamins (that is, if they’re actually needed) so that she doesn’t take more than would be good or safe for her? And could the primary care doctor help her to understand that more really isn’t better?

One thing we can say about your Mom is that she’s resourceful. I was floored when you said she bought a new car when you took her keys away! Are you able to install a dash cam in her car that would enable you to review her driving?

Your Mom is resourceful, and she’s determined. That combination is difficult to deal with and thwart, as she is very adept at getting around and overcoming anything that she perceives to be barriers or hindrances to what she wants. Does her hospital have a geriatric department that deals specifically with the issues of seniors? If so, you might be able to talk with them about how you can help her so that she remains safe and doesn’t hurt herself.

My heart goes out to you and your wife because it is such a challenge for you. And in the midst of it all, you are facing some surgeries. So, be sure to take good care of yourself as you care for your Mom. I pray that you can get some answers and resources to help your Mom. Meanwhile, hang in there. All the best!

Thanks for the nice comments. Thought I'd update from last night's phone call for an idea of mom's world and what it's like for my wife and me. I called her about 8 pm as normal. She informed me she was not going to take her break through high BP med. It's a take as needed med which she has been taking most nights. She tells me she hasn't had high BP and only takes the pill occasionally. Then she tells me why. She says she's been seeing orange spots and something she read said it was caused by the pill she says she rarely takes. She also said she's been seeing the spots since last July. That was about the same time she saw the eye doctor for her routine visit. She claims she told the doctor that she's been seeing the orange spots and he simply said "don't worry them." This is a fairly new doc who grew up locally and is as nice as can be. My wife worked with his mother. I tried to get her to agree that if her BP went over 160 she'd take the pill. Then she went quiet. I explained the risks of BP going out of control a possible stroke and she told me the pills were making her go blind. I said we need to make an appointment to see the eye doctor ASAP and she should rest her eyes. Less screens and reading. She puts heating pads on her eyes and drops in 3-4 times a day. She takes a lot vitamin supplements that have large amounts of redundancy in what's in them. She's always believed that more is better. My wife and I are heading over there in an hour to see her and find out what she's really doing. My guess is it'll be a surprise. You see she's been talking about dry eye for a few years but never anything about spots. She has regular visits to the eye doctor and refuses to wear prescription glasses that they've prescribed for a long time. She prefers a magnifying glass. I'll end with this, aging scares me to death. I need two surgeries, shoulder and hernias. I understand what she's dealing with but she's a challenge. Oh and she told me someone almost crashed into her recently and she was scared. I've talked to the family doctor and motor vehicle people. No help there. They tell her how amazing she is... Now the spots??? I've tried taking the keys away and she bought a new car.

We saw her today and she seems to be slipping a bit. Fortunately she's nicer and more cooperative. She squeezed my arm and smiled when I hugged her goodbye. We're getting her to the eye doc as soon as they have an opening.

Just to clarify, I'm pretty sure the eye doctor is qualified and explained to mom more than she remembered. So hopefully mom will understand her situation at this point in time. She goes back in time lately and blends stories and dates more often.