What are your tips for staying independent at your own home?

Many people say they’d prefer to grow old in their own homes. What are your tips for remaining independent as long as possible. What do you do to:
- Keep up with home maintenance and housekeeping?
- Avoid injuries around the house?
- Combat loneliness or stay connected?

Any other tips?

October 25, 2023: Update from the Community Director

The knowledge exchange shared in this discussion helped to create this article written for the Mayo Clinic app and website. Knowledge for patients by patients and beyond Mayo Clinic Connect. Thank you for all your tips.

Aging at home: Advice for staying independent

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@sueinmn

Please do seek a compatible senior living arrangement. My mother, who was lost after my Dad's death (53 years) and losing the ability to travel, selected a series of senior living arrangements, and learned what was important to her as she aged.
Finally, she chose an apartment in an organization that offered a "continuum of care." At first she was quite independent, choosing only to have her main meal in the dining room, and participate in activities and use their shuttle to do her weekly shopping. As her health declined to the point where us kids were not "enough" she had daily visits to help her dress, undress and shower, med management, and 2-3 meals a day. If she had needed it, she would also have been eligible to move (within the building) to Memory Care, or a few miles to a skilled nursing facility.
She was able to participate as she desired in the activities, and discovered a talent for watercolor - in addition to finding friends to play cards, work puzzles and have coffee. I can tell you that as a man in that setting, you would be welcome company. My Mom and her friends often mentioned missing the (platonic) company of men and were happy with the few male residents, who changed the tenor of many activities.
I miss the many lunches and activities I shared with my Mom and her friends there, and will not hesitate to seek such a home if I find myself alone and needing both help and company.
If you are looking for a place, be sure to ask to visit at mealtime and share a table with residents - more than once if possible. Also, if you are of a particular faith, check out these resources within your faith community. My friend's parents have been in their continuum of care home for 20 years, and as they age having pastoral services right there is a blessing to them (they are 95 and 100 years old now.)
Good luck finding a good place to land.

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Great story and outcome and advise

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@dorisjeanne

I live in a rural area but in my own home, which I do not want to leave. I had 2 strokes about 18 months ago and spent 5 weeks in a nursing home. My daughter and hubby brought me home and moved in with me for 4 months. I was using a walker, but gradually got off it. They live 7 miles away and check on me frequently; also take me to grocery store, Dr., library, chair yoga class, sometimes Church. I have a nearby couple who do anything I can't manage for $25 an hr. I will be 88 next month, so thankful!

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You are amazing! It sounds like you are doing quite well. Hugs

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@sillyblone

You are amazing! It sounds like you are doing quite well. Hugs

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Thanks! That makes my day!!

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I am addressing “Avoid rest home!”
Do not allow that to happen of you can avoid it. . I jerked my very sick husband out of a brief rest home stay and took him home. He lived another ten years because he remained with the best of long term care and liked his own home a great deal.
How to do this? If you have private long term care, I reccomend documenting 2 of 6 daily activies that you cannot do and apply immediately for Ltc help. Write down diagnosis, symptoms and meds. Do not ask doctor what to do. Although they mean well, they don’t always remember the “buzz words” required by your LTC policy.
Besides, your doctor does not live with you. Be prepared. Be firm. Tell him what you need. Give him your notes.
Call the insurance company. Get application. It’s YOU who must work to stay in a place of your choice. Good luck.

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@babswel1

Wow. You all have such great suggestions on avoiding the rest home and remaining an independent. I love the idea of getting a “fall device.”

I am sitting and preparing for my appointment with my internist/cardiologist
doctor here at Mayo. Something else came to my mind. Pardon my frankness.

To remain independent, we must think independent. That is, there is a three way struggle between us, our bodies and the doctors. I am learning also to seek a second or even and third opinion. In other words, don’t settle for less.
I went to four doctors, (three were specialists) and one thoracic surgeon. One told me that it is my “age.” Another told me that I should consider a retirement center or a care center. I choose to seek what is right for me. An opinion always about my age is not what I will seek.
So we must be independent, think independently and enjoy living independently. Onward.

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Bravo. Well said.
Independence is the goal. Getting there is the process. Remaining independent is the reward.

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After my husband died I was distraught. Naturally I was told I need to be around people. So I visited two places that offered "independent" living. They were okay as far as they went, but they did not go far enough. The apartments were tiny. I would not be able to bring anything of my own. I understand why. They don't want you to stay in the apartment but constantly be with others. I don't mind being with others for short periods, but I do like my alone time, and I need the space for my computer and books. So, even at the age of 90, I am living in my own home with my own things. I am in pretty good health. I drive. I cook. I do my own laundry. I have a housekeeper who comes in every 3 weeks to do the heavy cleaning. In short, except for being a bit older than the rest of you, I am fine.

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@sueinmn

Marilyn - We have tentatively made the same decision, to stay in our home and adapt, although none of us knows what the future holds. We also have an option of an auxiliary dwelling unit at either of our daughter's homes - their lots are large and our local codes allow this. We feel it may be an option down the road when one of us is alone...

The size aspect is not an issue for us - we live 1/2 the year in 400sf plus an 8X10 shed and another 2 months or so in a 7x17 foot camper. We have been rigorously "downsizing" our possessions in our "big" home - 1200sf with the store room. My goal be the end of 2024 is to remove some of the storage shelves and cabinets we have added over the years - I already have empty shelves in several places.

We are now in our winter home, with neighbors from their 40's to near 90, all away from family in our own smaller dwellings (from travel trailers to mobile homes. We all watch over one another, stepping up as needed when crises arise.

The very fun thing is the community gathering spaces - no pressure, come when you like. Three mornings a week we do senior-adapted yoga - great way to start the day. We also have 2-3 communal meals each week - again, no pressure. Also lots of games, outings, etc - I am working on my watercolor skills with our fabulous resident artist and a group of friends.

So I live in 2 worlds - I love the Texas weather, but miss my family and friends when away from my "roots" in Minnesota. We will do this as long as life allows - our girls have even made plans to drive us down and back when the time comes (we did the same for my Mom in her later years)

The other "plan" is our safety plan - no more climbing on chairs or beds - only stable step stools with a proper hand hold. A spotter every time one of uses a step ladder - anything that requires more climbing is done by someone else. Sturdy safety rails on all steps and in both bathrooms. Keeping clutter away from all walking areas, off all stairs, no slippery rugs, smooth hardwood or tile floors. And ongoing strength and balance training exercises.

Sue

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We live as you, wintering in our native Texas and summering in western Washington. We are working on downsizing our possessions in both homes and eventually we will need to sell one since my husband is 80 with dementia and I’m 76. We will enjoy and as long as we can. I am leaning toward settling in Texas to be near family where as my husband wants to stay in Washington due to the beautiful scenery.

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@thisismarilynb

After my husband died I was distraught. Naturally I was told I need to be around people. So I visited two places that offered "independent" living. They were okay as far as they went, but they did not go far enough. The apartments were tiny. I would not be able to bring anything of my own. I understand why. They don't want you to stay in the apartment but constantly be with others. I don't mind being with others for short periods, but I do like my alone time, and I need the space for my computer and books. So, even at the age of 90, I am living in my own home with my own things. I am in pretty good health. I drive. I cook. I do my own laundry. I have a housekeeper who comes in every 3 weeks to do the heavy cleaning. In short, except for being a bit older than the rest of you, I am fine.

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Fantastick job, Marilyn!

Keep up the great work. You're my new hero (heroine???).

/L

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@wmc

We live as you, wintering in our native Texas and summering in western Washington. We are working on downsizing our possessions in both homes and eventually we will need to sell one since my husband is 80 with dementia and I’m 76. We will enjoy and as long as we can. I am leaning toward settling in Texas to be near family where as my husband wants to stay in Washington due to the beautiful scenery.

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We were a “dual” household until this year when we opted to simplify and sold a So.Ca. Home. Getting from western Washington to CA proved to be too difficult in the motorhome. Although we miss the sunshine in winter, we definitely don’t miss all the stress of getting back and forth. Flying not an option due to pets.

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@thisismarilynb

After my husband died I was distraught. Naturally I was told I need to be around people. So I visited two places that offered "independent" living. They were okay as far as they went, but they did not go far enough. The apartments were tiny. I would not be able to bring anything of my own. I understand why. They don't want you to stay in the apartment but constantly be with others. I don't mind being with others for short periods, but I do like my alone time, and I need the space for my computer and books. So, even at the age of 90, I am living in my own home with my own things. I am in pretty good health. I drive. I cook. I do my own laundry. I have a housekeeper who comes in every 3 weeks to do the heavy cleaning. In short, except for being a bit older than the rest of you, I am fine.

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Oh my goodness. What a beautiful inspirational story for ME to read at this time. You are my new guide and angel for the rest of my life. I’m 80. Since February that number has nearly been the devastation of me!
Through this group I am learning to change my ATTITUDE!
My husband died 2 years ago. After 54 years of marriage! Which started my negative attitude. I Felt my death come forward immediately, and
seemed like no purpose at all in my life!
I have as of today quite an improvement in my life and attitude. I’m so excited to get started with the rest of my life now❤️
I know I will lapse sometimes but I hope I’ll be able to pick myself up again each time that I lapse.
It’s going to take lots of discipline and hard work for me. But I pray that each and every day… ME
and my ever present ANGELS will strive to be a healthy, positive, loving and whole person again.
Grateful for this site always❤️

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