Vascular Dementia: How do you cope?

Posted by 07shelby56 @07shelby56, Jun 18 9:55am

My husband was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia i am his caregiver now. This so hard to see this I feel selfish sometimes cause he has forgot alot. How do people cope with your love one like this?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

@07shelby56 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so glad you found this site! As you read and get involved with the discussions, you will find out how people cope. I’m going to ask some members to come back and answer your question: @pamela78. @sillyblone @juliamahoney. @rubyredkate @jeanadair123 and @IndianaScott, you will learn so much as get involved with the discussions.

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Hello. Welcome to the site. I try to live one day at a time. It is hard to be a caregiver. That is why you are in the right place. I believe that other's can help you really because of living similar situations. Ask questions, opinions, and just verbalize about whatever or whomever. We are quite a bunch of people having a good or maybe a bad day. I will read and try to respond. I sometimes wish we could hear all of us talking with kindness, expressing fear and emotions that sometimes seem unreasonable. But we are Caregivers and we care! 🫂 and prayers!

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I read Mayo Digest everyday and always benefit from it. More than anything else, it lets me know I'm not alone. The thing I find most helpful with my husband is having other people talk to him. I get really, really tired of hearing the same things over and over, so when someone else steps in to listen, it gives me a break. My husband goes to his favorite coffee shop nearly everyday. People there know him and are kind and patient. I don't even know these people; they are strangers to me. But they're doing more good than they're aware of. When my husband can no longer take care of his personal needs--bathing, dressing, etc.--I expect it will be a whole new ballgame. I worry about that.

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My husband has a hard time dressing, bathing and doing the stuff in the bathroom. Yes this hard cause you know what he could do before this disease came. Hang in there God is there through this time yes I do cry but at least I know he would of done this if it was me.

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Hi, your question is perfect! Im happy you have found this site with wonderful folks going through all kinds of stress in their lives. I find that the more i educate myself, the more fear recedes. I find tools that will help us both. I found hearing others hearts and offering them understanding actually helps me cope with my life. I also encourage you to go to an in person support group. Building a relationship with folks who understand is very comforting. My friends and family Do Not understand at all. I no longer talk about specifics with them due to replies that are either empty or hurtful. Its really a way to protect myself.
Keep reading and posting! Hugs

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I wish I; knew a easy anawer, I just do one day at a time. I cry sometimes, talk to friends sometimes, and I have grief counselor I talk to as well. I have to compartmentalize when I am at work and not think about it too much or I could not work very well. It is hard at times and even harder at times. Just try to remember it is the disease and not your loved one.I am waiting for the next stroke to hit her. It is always in the back of my mind. I just try to take it one day at a time it is all I know to do.

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I'm Ann. Have not contributed but have read posts for a year. Yes, it helps so much to know others do understand, because they're going through it too. My husband's dementia has progressed (such a funny word to use here) very noticably in past year. But thankful it's still gradual, like the frog in the kettle. Do lean on those who will support you and get advice from the more experienced!

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@barbieann1951

I'm Ann. Have not contributed but have read posts for a year. Yes, it helps so much to know others do understand, because they're going through it too. My husband's dementia has progressed (such a funny word to use here) very noticably in past year. But thankful it's still gradual, like the frog in the kettle. Do lean on those who will support you and get advice from the more experienced!

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Hello @barbieann1951 Ann. Welcome to the Dementia Support group. You’ve been following the group for a year; have you learned anything new or that intrigues you? Please stay with us and share your tips and tricks!

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My dear mother had vascular dementia for ten years before passing, at 88, in 2019. My dad did not cope with it well; though I live out of state, I was there as often as I could be and retired six months early in order to help more. She remained her kind self throughout, and for that I felt blessed. She had moments of insight when she seemed to be her old self and process information more clearly than at other times. Though she stopped reading, she still enjoyed singing. We would sing along with a CD of gospel songs by The Forester Sisters. As another mentioned, it was a relief when others came by to visit, so I always welcomed them and encouraged them to come back any time. She enjoyed receiving the occasional card in the mail. From "her" chair, she could see and enjoy the birds and other critters outside, and continued to take pleasure in her pet cat and dog. Our goal was simply to have a good day, one day at a time. My heart goes out to you. It is not an easy road you are on, but you are not alone.

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