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Turned 54 yesterday and seriously struggling in a sexless marriage
I love my wife and I'm positive she still lives me. She's made minimal efforts to do anything about the issue although we have talked about it. She's 3 years older post menopause and I'm familiar with all the issues with that. It just seems to me when she knew it was an issue she should have addressed it right away. I've been patient and we've been intimate less than 5 times in 8 years or so. What's worse is she doesn't just have a reduced labido, she has absolutely no interest at all in doing anything or even doing for me. She, in perfect timing ended up having knee surgery a month ago and is still recovering from that. She made an appt with the Dr for the end of the month but it's another missed opportunity for my birthday, her birthday, mother's day and even our 23rd anniversary all coming up by the end of May. I was medically retired from an extremely dangerous job where I was badly hurt but have pushed through all of it and still want to have physical contact with her. It was one of the stress relievers that was still available to me because physical activity ( running/lifting ) or hanging out with friends is out. I lost most of my friends when I was forced to retire early. It's one of those circle things, you're in or you're out. I got nothing and I don't think I'm asking for that much but I won't cause her pain no matter what. I'm spiraling and she is there but also kinda isn't. I think she's not going to prioritize this and I don't want to flush 25 years of being with her down the drain.
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Female here, age 69. I really lost my sex drive a few years ago. I could almost tell to the day when my estrogen levels dropped. I had sex with my husband, and it was suddenly so dry and painful. It was like someone scrubbed my insides with a Brillo pad and then lit it on fire! It hurt to walk for a few days. I felt bad for my husband, and eventually got things figured out. First, I had to deal with low estrogen, so got on a patch and then some estradiol cream to thicken the vaginal lining back up. At the same time, I was trying to treat osteoporosis after suddenly fracturing my spine (not a good place mentally or physically to be).
The back healed, I got on injections for the bone health and as a last bit, got put on testosterone cream, which would help bones and give a boost to the libido.
The testosterone cream has made me feel like a horny 18 y/o boy! It's astonishing, and I love it. I want to have sex all the time. My husband had to actually turn me down a few times, and I guess it's my karma for doing that to him before I got this treated.. I seriously think my dose is too high, because my preoccupation with sex now is pretty intense. I just had a blood level drawn and will halve the amount of cream I am using. It's seriously crazy.
I always liked sex as a younger woman, but of course, you had to be "a nice girl," and not run around or you'd get called a slut. But now, I wouldn't even care about that. When I start thinking about going to some dive bar and propositioning strange guys, it's time to cut back on the dose. Holy Moly!
Hormones!!! Just shows that we all have that animal brain inside that can come out with the right hormones.
So get your lady friend or wife on some testosterone. I can't be the only one to be affected this way. Just be ready to get chased around the house.
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9 ReactionsBboon44
Me too. Totally wild and so enjoyable!
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2 ReactionsIs her vagina heathy? If not intercourse will be painful so she may want to avoid it. I was prescribed hormones after mesopause and all was well until I came to an age when they wouldn't prescribe them anymore. Within a few years my vaginal walls thinned and dried causing painful intercourse which I tolerated knowing how important it was for my husband and my marriage. Many women use a topical hormone cream inserted into the vagina but I had Allergic Contact Dermatitis and was allergic to inactive ingredients in these creams. My vaginal health has been completely restored using Estring, a silicone ring with time released estrogen, which is personally inserted into the vagina and replaced every 3 months and I am not allergic to. Unbelievable. I no longer dread intercourse but look forward to it. No more burning or pain.
Others mentioned testosterone added to their oral estrogen supplement. I was on Estratest for years, loved it. It is true that the testosterone in this pill
makes you more sexually aggressive. One side effect is growing a few chin hairs which are easily tweezed out.
My husband of 56 years has been supportive working through this with me. Ironically now his hormone levels have declined so he began doing research on how to increase his sexual desire. He is on testosterone injections and another injection to stiffen his penis these are successful treatments for him. The words to an old country song, "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was", sums it up. We're both facing 80 in few years and not settling for sitting in a wheel chair.
I hope she keeps an open mind and works with you on this issue.
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8 ReactionsGood luck with your journey; a good physiotherapist should be able to educate you with some therapeutic exercises which you can do that can also help relieve stress, may even make you feel better (with emotional frustration, blowing off steam.) I wish you the best- both of you.
It’s a blast, isn’t it?!
This was me too. I went through menopause early (at 50) and noticed a decrease in drive, but remember how painful it was. It was just as you described. Then I got cancer, and had so many surgeries and my body was scarred and I was just mentally checked out. I was being treated for anxiety, and it was recommended I get hormones tested. I started HRT, and my sex drive came back almost immediately. I felt like I was in my 20s sexually and my husband also went on testosterone therapy. Now we are kind of in a stage where I want it way more often than he does. He has horrible back issues, but our sex life is amazing, like it was 25 years ago.
Can you encourage your wife to see a hormone specialist? It’s hard getting older, and she is probably struggling with so many things. It sounds like you feel resentment and that doesn’t help either of you.
There are so many ways to seek HRT, so she may not even have to leave the house (except for lab work).
It’s amazing how wonderful you feel when your hormones are balanced. No more mood swings, depression, fatigue, weight gain. My thyroid needed adjusted, and I’m also on testosterone/estradiol shots plus progesterone (which helps me sleep).
I’m thankful for my husbands patience because it couldn’t have been easy.
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3 ReactionsHeck...got me wanting to try it...lol...I'm kidding...love your testimony or life's story..so glad you got your groove back..God bless 🙌 🙏
Good for you for being so open about your problems. At least others can read it and possibly gain from the information you have provided.
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3 ReactionsThat’s tough to want to be intimate and the partner doesn’t. I was married for 15 years, but I had issues. Honestly I married because I was wanting a relationship, wrong reasons. I don’t know what your early days were like. But my immaturity and running from myself caused me heartache. Not saying it’s all her. My ex husband had issues. Narcissist and lack of empathy to name a few. Well educated but very slow on their feelings for others. Money was very important to them. I lost interest in intimacy and that was a point of contention. He moved out unannounced. I’m sure you and your wife can unpack it all. A very trustworthy therapist would be helpful. Stay well.
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1 ReactionI can tell that you love your wife and care about her and your life together, as well as missing the intimacy aspect of it.
Have you spoken to your wife directly and honestly?
Do you feel that she is OK with never being physically intimate again or does she look at this like it could be a temporary setback because of stuff happening with health and life?
There are definitely a lot of things that can help men and women if they are feeling a little less than “frisky”.
The most important thing is to be honest and caring with her and give her plenty of opportunity to share her feelings and explore options together
You’ve gotten so many wonderful responses and I truly hope they bring you and your wife back together
It’s definitely hard when you’ve been feeling a certain way for so many years. It sounds like a decade she’s been going through this. You get used to it.
I went through a similar thing and it got to the point that I thought that I had a sexual dysfunction because I had no interest whatsoever and it didn’t bother me. My life felt fine .
It took a little bit to get me to take an honest look at it and to try different options from the doctor.
At the point I was at it was a combination of mental and physical.
Once I took care of the physical
it was the mental block really holding me back.
do you feel that she is purposely trying to avoid intimate situations?