~ Transition group vs. therapist ~
My former sister-in-law died this week quite unexpectedly;the memorial service is being held today as she was cremated. My X-husband of course went up (her brother), both my daughters and their husbands, and my son. She and I were never buddy/buddy …. I only saw her once or twice a year, but this just is another reminder that I am not part of the family any longer. My whole family is dead, including parents. I'm the last of our lineage. Somehow, and for some dumb reason, it makes me sad and left out. And, I think I mentioned that I'm part of a Transitions group through our Behavioral Health Systems through the local hospital, which has been good so far. Well, I got an e-mail this week from my therapist in MD (whom I'd been with 10+ years) telling me that while I'm in this group we should take a break from appts. or having on-the-phone appts. which we often did since I live almost 3-4 hours away. I totally understand what he was saying but I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. We would joke that I had this little group of "safe men" …. my son, one of my sons-in-law, and him (my therapist). Otherwise I felt all men were sexually driven pigs. Well, now my little group of 3 is down to 2. Now I totally understand why this must be, but why do I feel so lousy? It seems everywhere I turn there's rejection. (I know, poor me) I have a book I'm going to re-read called The Highly Sensitive Person …. I read it a long time ago and it's good. I'm not dressing today, phone is off and my front door is locked and barred (it's a very bad section), and I'm just going to read.. No need to respond to yet another of my whinings …. I just needed to vent I guess.