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~ Tracking Bipolar II swings ~
Hi all .... well, I finally decided to make up a chart for myself to see how often and rapidly my mood swings happen. I've made it up and I'll start tomorrow. I've got room for morning, noon, and night because they can all be different .... it's crazy-making! My "up" time, for me, is very high anxiety rather than a manic state. Once the Klonopin kicks in, it settles it. My "up" also can be what other people's "normal" would be. The few times I have felt I was a bit manic was usually medication induced, and that's when I went shopping on-line ..... thus the CC bills I am now paying off. I hope this makes sense to you all. The depression is a whole other story ...... that digs in deeply. That's when I want to avoid anything and anyone, don't answer the door, phone, or even get out of the chair. So, we'll see what the chart shows, although I think I know already. It's pretty much the same pattern every day. I have done a good bit of writing, I call them "musings" ever since I started this journey 15 - 20 years ago, and I found myself needing to write one today. They're nothing profound, just thoughts coming from my inner soul. I enjoy it, and please don't think I'm sounding snobby here, but when I look back and read them, I'm rather amazed at the way I've expressed myself. You just never know what little treasures may be dug up while we all walk through these "troubled waters."
abby
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No i just dont have the drive, push, potivation or will to go. I wouls really love to go, bc I know how good i use to feel in the pass. I just gave up on it
Thank you & I will luv. Yes i hate i haft to wait so long, & im hoping i dont go off on anyone before march gets here. Ugh
@Mchle46 and @sincere, I may have a hard time knowing to which of you I'm writing. Excuse me if I get you confused.
I went to my pcp 13 or 14 years ago, generally feeling lousy, and told him that the symptoms I was experiencing could be depression, but it could be explained by an organic problem. He started me on Celexa, and for more than a year, I had a bunch of tests. One was a sleep study, and found that I have sleep apnea, so ever since then, I've used a CPAP machine. I also found that my gall bladder wasn't working, and had it removed. I felt better after both of these things, but within a year, I was very depressed and suicidal. I tried to overdose several times, unsuccessfully, obviously, and admitted myself to an inpatient mental health facility that only worked with suicide survivors. I learned a lot during the 3 weeks I was there, and started seeing a therapist. I tried several antidepressants, and finally found that Bupropion was the one that helped. Finding the right medication can be the pits. It takes 6 weeks to know if it will do anything, and each has side effects - I gained weight with one of them, and just as the warnings said, at 3 weeks I was Really suicidal - this was before I had been overdosing - but eventually, one worked.
At this time, I had been a minister for 34 years, and I was going through a rough patch with some people, which made me more depressed. Then came the attempts, the hospital stay, and seeing a psychiatrist, who made multiple diagnoses, major depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and depressive bipolar disorder. No wonder I'd had all I could take!
I eventually retired, and over the past ten+ years, I've added a couple of different meds to enhance the antidepressant. I also have chronic pain from idiopathic peripheral neuropathy, and have tried every medication available for it, and I'm taking Cymbalta and Morphine sulfate contin for the pain now. Soon, I plan to try a spinal cord stimulator implant. I hope that will reduce the pain.
In the hospital, we were told to rate our day at the evening meeting. We used a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best day of our lives. For me, 4 was a bad day with suicidal thoughts. At first, I was a 2, and I knew that I had to be at least a 4 before I went home. Since then, I've improved ever so slowly, and by now I'm 6, a level I thought I'd never achieve.
I guess what I'm saying in all this, is to begin with a good pcp who'll refer you to specialists, and continue to work with you until you get the help you need. For me, that's meant referrals to a sleep center, a neurologist, an orthopedist, a heart specialist, psychiatrist. . .Then be sure you find specialists who listen to you, take you seriously, answers your questions, and explains everything in a way you can understand. Then, be patient. Stuff like this takes a while, and can take a long time, to diagnose and treat. As a retired minister, I would add, pray. There's acknowledged physical benefit from prayer. Of course, a therapist will help you find the changes you can make, and will help you see the goodness inside you, and many other things. God bless you both as you plot your course, and receive the treatment you need.
Jim
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2 Reactionsjmhd with the physical concerns that you are dealing with it is not unusual to feel depression. I also have heard about St, Johns Worts for depression. Your advice that you gave is really good and Especially like about meeting your own needs. Please stay in touch I would like to hear more of what is happening with you
@safetyshield Depression predated some of my health issues, but I know that they do affect it. I took St. Johns Wort for awhile, and it didn't seem to effect any change, and it's contraindicated with a couple of my meds.
I know I need to be seeing a counselor, but there aren't any in town that accept Medicare. To have a spinal cord stimulator implant, I have to have a consult with a psychiatrist, and the one I was referred to is booked 2 months out. My doctor suggested I see a pain psychiatrist, who's the one I'll see February 14. I've hung on for this long, I guess I can make it that long.
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1 Reactionjimhd Keep strong and in touch
Yeah. I don't always feel strong.
You're an amazing person. I hope you keep ministering to people.
I understand I have many issues now that I am going through and it takes a lot of emotional and physical draining from me as well. But as long as I do not allow the pain or problem control me and do something than I feel I am not submitting to the body but to my mind. That is what I mean by strong.