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Toxic adult children
Uve been on depression and anxiety meds .
for decades. Several Med changes over the years Doing good on current meds However, my 2 adult children have abandoned me and their father. 18 months ago our youngest son decided to not talk to us I ended up on PTSD meds, spent most awake time shoving meds into my mouth fro help stay sleeping. My husband got me up and dressed to get me to psychologist and psychiatrist weekly. My heart felt shattered. Millions of tiny pieces of glass. I had never worked and devoted my entire life to my so children and grandkids. I dream about them, I still wake up screaming
(PTSD meds). still see both drs. , I jyst don't seem to get over the trama. Some days I just stay in bed crying At thus point my heart is still shattered and my spirit is depleated. Ant suggestions???
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All families ha are dysfunctional . All people experie ce trauma. Most parents fail parenting, children don't come with instructions. I appreciate your Thanks for sharing!opinion. Nothing can change the past. The toxic adult children make a conscious decisions to be toxic.
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1 ReactionMy son was staying at our house with us 3 days before he decided to shut us off. His sister was involved with a narcissist who. Isolated her. I have forgiven them both but still miss them. There's a book named Let Them that read helps! Let them be who ever they want.
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3 ReactionsOK. In my case I am using my agency to set boundaries heal recover and move forward. No. Parents do not come with instructions but when the effects of the dysfunctional family impact us for the rest of our lives we use our agency to heal.
i think family dysfunction/disconnect is more common than we think tho many families are in denial or choose not to discuss w/others. there's also the issues of being a step-parent to some of these adult children who've been in our lives for years who haven't done any work on themselves since they were young when their parents divorced and some who were poisoned by the parent who had custody. someone posted about mel robbins podcast/book `let them' and i believe she is completely correct that we all have to let those people be who they are. it's a difficult position for the parent as well as the step-parent, esp. if we're older and just want serenity/calm/peace in our lives. i've let go of ever resolving some of these ongoing issues that have been there for years. we all take a different path towards dealing with these issues as everyone has had a different lens or perception on everything and we all react differently to another's role in the disconnect.
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7 ReactionsMy son was not like that until he married and now he has forgotten his family.. The wife is an only child and entitled, spoiled. They hang out with her parents and friends.
I pray that one day he will see how hurtful he has been to us and change his ways.
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1 ReactionI heard from both kidd yesterday. Text messages but it's a first in
years. Hang in there. My son had married a girl from old rich San
Francisco! Now that was a challenge!
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1 ReactionI have another situation as a step-parent for many years to adult step-children and I'd like feedback and your personal experiences. This relates to my husband, the parent of 2 adult children who both live in different states and finally he's `accepted' that he may never have the type of relationship with her/hubby/2 almost adult children, but still has a connection with the other son/wife/young son. As his wife, and of course my perception is different than his, I see my husband as being used and manipulated when they need him to travel to babysit during the summer (child is 11) among other things...BUT MY QUESTION IS HOW DO I REGAIN THE RESPECT TOWARDS MY HUSBAND WHO I FEEL IS IN DESPERATE MODE TO MAINTAIN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP AND ALLOWS THEIR BEHAVIOR WITHOUT EVER EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS TOWARDS THEM OUT OF FEAR HE'LL LOSE WHATEVER LITTLE CONNECTION HE STILL HAS WITH THIS FAMILY? WHAT DOES THE SPOUSE DO TO PROTECT HERSELF AFTER MANY YEARS OF MARRIAGE WITH MANY YEARS OF DYSFUNCTION BETWEEN HIS ADULT CHILDREN. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO STEP BACK, SAY 0 ABOUT WHAT I SEE IS HAPPENING YET I FIND MYSELF DISTANCING MYSELF FROM HIM. WE'RE IN OUR LATE 70'S.
Hang in there.
At our age it's such a difficult situation. You need to decide how much
you let this situation effects you. If I were bab ysitting my grands
would have to come to me. At 73 I don't tavel much. We need our kids to
help us more. I walk with a walker. It sounds ds like you and your
husband need to set some boundaries with his kids. Saying yes to them all
the time doesn't help anyone. I understand d
his fear of the kids turning their back on him. I refuse to let my kids
determine my happiness ess at this point. Ha g in there. Wonderful book.
JUST LET THEM
hubby and i are in late 70's and his son/family live in another state so we don't see them often; i'm great at setting boundaries and seeing things as `they are' and not what hubby sees as `what might be'; he's already somewhat estranged from his daughter/family also in another state. i totally agree with the `let them' theory...but at times i know my anger is towards him because he's got the fear of setting boundaries/allowing things that he should respond to and i'm usually set up as the `bad guy' because i have no fear and express to him how badly they treat him, etc. it's soooo overwhelming and exhausting even if these `situations' raise their head only infrequently....just want calm and serenity more than they occur and of course he and i see things so differently, even after 39 yrs. of marriage. thx for your input.