Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

Are you living with advanced cancer (sometimes referred to as stage 4 or metastatic cancer)?
This discussion is a safe space where you can connect with others to talk about the realities of living with limited time. It's not easy to find people who understand what it is like. For many reasons, you may not feel comfortable talking about your thoughts and emotions with friends or family. Perhaps you are alone. Even if you are surrounded by people who support you, you may experience intense loneliness.

Connect is a place where honest conversation can safely take place. You can speak frankly and be heard without judgement. I invite you to share your reality facing death and living now.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer Support Group.

@gingerw, Thank you so much for both your very kind words and your super suggestions. These two friends have been my rock and rudder during difficult periods in my life and i am thankful that they call me "friend".

Yes,we Do have a Meals on Wheels here! I delivered meals for them for years and that brought both wonderful and heart wrenching experiences...a daily lesson in what to be grateful for in my own life. However, at that time at least, a recipient had to meet a certain income level; if over that threshold, the request was denied. I will certainly call to ask what requirements have to be met. That service would be a godsend if possible. Thank you and Hugs.

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@fiesty76

@colleenyoung, I'm not sure this is the best forum, or if there is one, for posting this. I have been integrally involved with caring for and providing meals for my closest friend of 40+ years. Recently her Stage 4 MBC returned with a vengeance and the new is very aggressive.

Since her recent release from the hospital, her daughter from out-of-state has been caring for her along with help from my friend's wonderful partner of over 20 yrs. After weeks of being here and a few very stressful situations because of daughter's determination to be the "ultimate and final" decision maker regarding home health care, medical choices and now financial matters, the daughter has been told to leave. The daughter does have medical power of attorney. The daughter has emotional problems and it was just a matter of time for this to occur. If my friends weren't so incredibly easy going and "not rock the boat types", this would have happened much sooner.

Almost immediately ff my friend's hospital release, we were struck with the covid-19 spread. Because I have compromised lung and other chronic health issues, I promised my daughter, who lives out-of-state, that I would self-quarantine which I have done. With the friend's daughter leaving, my want/desire to resume meal prep for my friend has returned full force. I have not been driving but could deliver the meals and hubby could take them from trunk without my going inside.

Because there are different health care people coming and going throughout the week and also because my friend has been going for wound treatment and infusions to our cancer center weekly, I fear being near her in person. Zoom is out because she no longer can work with her computer because of memory loss.

I've offered to help her guy order food delivery from a local source and he's agreed to that. I haven't yet offered the resumed meal preps but feel some trepidation because of the needed handling of dishes back and forth. Wish there were a professional meal prep service available or maybe even an individual who could be hired to prepare daily meals. Any suggestions or tips?

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@fiesty76- Good morning. I'm with Ginger, what an incredible friend you are. It's very tough not to be able to be close to people right now, especially when they need it most! I think that your friend knows how much you love her and how much you have helped. Sometimes I think that there comes a time when you have to say to yourself, enough and take a half-step back. Maybe this is the time for this?

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@fiesty76

@gingerw, Thank you so much for both your very kind words and your super suggestions. These two friends have been my rock and rudder during difficult periods in my life and i am thankful that they call me "friend".

Yes,we Do have a Meals on Wheels here! I delivered meals for them for years and that brought both wonderful and heart wrenching experiences...a daily lesson in what to be grateful for in my own life. However, at that time at least, a recipient had to meet a certain income level; if over that threshold, the request was denied. I will certainly call to ask what requirements have to be met. That service would be a godsend if possible. Thank you and Hugs.

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@fiesty76 If your friend does not meet the criteria for Meals on Wheels, they may be able to point you in a direction to check out. It seems there is usually a hidden network of information that is hard to find out about.

Be gentle on yourself.
Ginger

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@gingerw, Thank you for the added suggestion and for your kindness to me as well. Both are much appreciated.

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What do you mean that you fast 16 hours for five days each week? Since there are 24 hours in each day, does this mean you eat during 8 hours each day, but fast during the remaining 16 hours of each day?

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@stparker54

What do you mean that you fast 16 hours for five days each week? Since there are 24 hours in each day, does this mean you eat during 8 hours each day, but fast during the remaining 16 hours of each day?

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I am a firm believer in fasting. It gives your body a well deserved rest. I have a healthy, hearty breakfast, then a substantial lunch at noon. I fast from noon until breakfast the next day. At first it may seem weird, then you will get used to it. You will sleep better. Your entire digestive system is given a rest so your body can heal itself. Remember, you need to drink plenty of water and of course, no sugar, no carbs, plenty of veggies and fruit, no red meat. Also, if you can handle it, give meditation a try. Same positive effects as fasting! Did I mention both also help with depression and anxiety, and general well being.

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Yes, I call that skipping dinner.

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Thanks for the invite. How many here have survivors guilt? I am a five year survivor and have struggled with survivors guilty for almost my entire survivorship. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer approximately a month after I was. She knew she had it and hid it from us. She died 3 months after diagnosis. My eldest brother died suddenly of exanguination due to undiagnosed Lymphoma that burst an artery in his lungs approximately 17 months after my diagnosis. My mother whom I was living with and caring for at the time because she had end stage COPD gave up living after my brothers death. She had already buried two husbands and now her eldest son and I had stage 4 ovarian cancer. I feel she was determined to go before me or my other brother who has a possible life threatening illness. My sister-in-law who came with my surviving brother for Mom's Memorial Service while visiting became ill. She went home and never got better. Six weeks later she was diagnosed with Glioblastoma and died nine months later. I have such tremendous guilt everytime I hear of another person dying of cancer because I for some reason have been allowed to live and be with my amazing daughter and four beautiful grandchildren. I know in my heart that all who have gone before me are in a better place but I cannot help wonder why I am still here. At times I miss them all so much that I want to be with them.

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@rfmb We have to make the best or every day.. One thing I have tried to do was to Write a family History... They need to be aware of genetic tendencies.. even environmental backgrounds.. Do good work.. Vote.. Support the Healthcare workers and charities.. Ken

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