Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

Hello @ventibug
Hope your Samsung & you have a long lastning & satisfying relationship, ahead of you. I am an IPhone & IPad user & it is too late to start learning how to use an android gadget. I have a computer but don’t remember where I have parked it. My memory is a bit of mess and I have accepted my condition with difficulty, due to 23 years of chemo, cancer & other treatments. I am always such a positive and happy person but now I feel that I am lost in the deepest whole of depression that can be found on earth. I feel that my husband is very tired of being this great strenght, loving partner of mine. It is not easy with ups and downs in my different treatments, side effects and various reasons to be hospitalised, more often recently. Between us I am tired of being alive but sitting in this waiting rom before the final D”eath”day. I have being diagnosed 4 time with stage 4 cancer. I don’t know if it was thanks to my Sunny personality or my wonderful oncologists that I have survived this far. But as said before, it has become tiring just waiting. On the bright side, I Said hello to my new grandchild, a little boy for almost two weeks ago. Didn’t even believe to be able to meet my first grandchild, a very bright and beautiful girl who would be 4 years old quite soon. So you see life is full of surprisens even when we found ourselves at the bortom of darkest whole in the world. My aim is to find a comfortable and pleasant mind zone for my beloved husband, where he can relax and gather his strenght back.
I am so happy that you are a believer, your trust in God Will help you through this ordeal. Nobody understands your situation better than you, but please find a place in your mind that you can the reasons for being lucky. Mine are that I have a wonderful tired husband, a handsome son, two wonderful grandchildren, and still with my spread stage 4 cancer for the past 3,5 years, I have been enjoying most of my days. If I die now, you must know that while feeling the blue, I am the luckiest woman alive.
Take care beloved ventibug❣️

I connect to almost everything you have said @saltis.. At one time or another have experienced it all especially the feeling of being tired of the fight but battling with that feeling is the stronger emotion of feeling blessed with the cancer, as I have expressed many times I am a better person now. So @ventibug I hope the replies and welcomes you have had and will continue to get supports the feelings of gratefulness for what you can still experience. If anything is "normal" during this time it is that you can feel Gods love at the same time you feel depressed for what you have lost. You can feel joy for the gifts you are still getting at the same time you feel sadness for what you have lost. Here you find compassion and understanding for whatever "stage" you are in. @saltis said it very well.

Allison

Hello @ventibug
Hope your Samsung & you have a long lastning & satisfying relationship, ahead of you. I am an IPhone & IPad user & it is too late to start learning how to use an android gadget. I have a computer but don’t remember where I have parked it. My memory is a bit of mess and I have accepted my condition with difficulty, due to 23 years of chemo, cancer & other treatments. I am always such a positive and happy person but now I feel that I am lost in the deepest whole of depression that can be found on earth. I feel that my husband is very tired of being this great strenght, loving partner of mine. It is not easy with ups and downs in my different treatments, side effects and various reasons to be hospitalised, more often recently. Between us I am tired of being alive but sitting in this waiting rom before the final D”eath”day. I have being diagnosed 4 time with stage 4 cancer. I don’t know if it was thanks to my Sunny personality or my wonderful oncologists that I have survived this far. But as said before, it has become tiring just waiting. On the bright side, I Said hello to my new grandchild, a little boy for almost two weeks ago. Didn’t even believe to be able to meet my first grandchild, a very bright and beautiful girl who would be 4 years old quite soon. So you see life is full of surprisens even when we found ourselves at the bortom of darkest whole in the world. My aim is to find a comfortable and pleasant mind zone for my beloved husband, where he can relax and gather his strenght back.
I am so happy that you are a believer, your trust in God Will help you through this ordeal. Nobody understands your situation better than you, but please find a place in your mind that you can the reasons for being lucky. Mine are that I have a wonderful tired husband, a handsome son, two wonderful grandchildren, and still with my spread stage 4 cancer for the past 3,5 years, I have been enjoying most of my days. If I die now, you must know that while feeling the blue, I am the luckiest woman alive.
Take care beloved ventibug❣️

I was only diagnosed this calendar year but with Stage IV leimyosarcoma, which is unpredictable & aggressive. Have already had 2 small recurrences. Did not tolerate cycle 1 of chemo and currently trying to heal infected previous dehiscence of primary surgical wound, which led to admissions for sepsis and mucocytis. I have just turned 62 and not ready to give up yet! I know this is probably how God will take me home, but don't know how or when. Questions I currently wrestle with (all suggestions appreciated as i am so new at this): 1) how to cope with anxiety about being off chemo awaiting healing of wound infection; 2) how to plan for Christmas as 3 kids & 4 preschooler grandkids coming. May be my only Christmas with cancer (according to prognosis). I will have to cook less than usual!; 3) Following financial thread (if you can tell me how to follow a thread. Having to close my business this month as I have not been able to work since 2/15/18. Would have loved to keep working but chemo brain too severe for safety. Have always been main breadwinner but thanks goodness my husbands work has corporate health insurance. Cannot see our way through right now but our God providing.
So, you see, Im new at this and kinda clueless. I so appreciate everyone's sharing and feel less alone when I am blessed by your contributions.
Ventibug

I was only diagnosed this calendar year but with Stage IV leimyosarcoma, which is unpredictable & aggressive. Have already had 2 small recurrences. Did not tolerate cycle 1 of chemo and currently trying to heal infected previous dehiscence of primary surgical wound, which led to admissions for sepsis and mucocytis. I have just turned 62 and not ready to give up yet! I know this is probably how God will take me home, but don't know how or when. Questions I currently wrestle with (all suggestions appreciated as i am so new at this): 1) how to cope with anxiety about being off chemo awaiting healing of wound infection; 2) how to plan for Christmas as 3 kids & 4 preschooler grandkids coming. May be my only Christmas with cancer (according to prognosis). I will have to cook less than usual!; 3) Following financial thread (if you can tell me how to follow a thread. Having to close my business this month as I have not been able to work since 2/15/18. Would have loved to keep working but chemo brain too severe for safety. Have always been main breadwinner but thanks goodness my husbands work has corporate health insurance. Cannot see our way through right now but our God providing.
So, you see, Im new at this and kinda clueless. I so appreciate everyone's sharing and feel less alone when I am blessed by your contributions.
Ventibug

I have a question. I had an oncologist ( that I loved ) who ordered a pet scan with every visit, every 3 months ….and now have a well supported oncologist who NEVER orders one ! Who was/is right???