Stubborn partner

My husband has stage 4 colon spread to lungs. He had all the chemo and now on pills. Most times i can handle it but this morning i yelled at him because he was barking orders. It has been 2 years snd i’m exhausted. I feel so guilty for yelling.

I so understand how you feel. My husband has decided to stop his chemo treatments this morning. He has been suffering so much from the chemo symptoms that he just said I can't do this anymore. Of course, I support him in his decision. Maybe after the chemo finally leaves his body, he will have some quality of life back. I just don't know what to expect. I have not gone through this very long as it all started just last september. He is usually pretty good, but I hate to leave the house because he is always calling me for something. He is so weak that it is hard for him to just leave his recliner in the living room to walk to the kitchen or bathroom. Do you get time to yourself? I know that caregivers definitley need time to get away even if just for a few hours. But don't feel bad about yelling at him. He is not going though this alone. You are going through it with him. It is OK to yell now and then. We have to vent too, although we feel so guilty afterwards. But it is OK. Hang in there.

Yes, it is very frustrating when we are doing our best for them, and they seem to not appreciate it by their actions. My husband is really not that demanding yet, but he is getting there. He is so weak anymore that he can't even get himself a cup of coffee. I don't mind, but I do mind when he won't try anything different that may help him. He keeps throwing up but bulks at trying ginger tea or peppermint tea. We have boost which he won't drink. I got him gatorade a month or so, and he said he did not like it. Now the visiting nurse came today and said his blood pressure is low. (I wasn't home when she came) I was on an errand for him. She told him that he needs to drink things like gatorade and now he wants some. Well i threw away the ones I had bought because I don't like it either and it was just taking up room in the frig. No matter what the health problems are for our husbands, it still means we have to take care of them. I am sorry to hear that he is rude. Being sick does not give the person the right to be rude to us as we are doing our best to make things easier for them. I know my husband is very frustrated and I imagine your husband is also. But knowing that, does not help us from becoming tired and frustrated at it all. We are only human. Your feelings are normal, so don't feel guilty. We all lose our patience but the does not mean we don't love that person anymore. Don't feel bad or guity, but it is good to vent. God bless you.

I do go to the grocery store and walk around. Otherwise just stay with him and help him get around the house

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard timem but I can understand what you are going through. Although my husband does not go anywhere I go, it is because he can't. But then again, he never did go anywhere with me. But if you want to scream, go into your bedroom and scream into your pillow. And if you do hang yourself, (I know you won't) just use a thin thread. Better yet, hang him. lol

Guess I have been fortunate in that many of my friends and family do ask how I am doing. But then again many of these people were caregivers themselves so they know the frustrations we go through. So, I know how you are feeling. I believe the situation here may get worse, as he decided he does not want to continue his chemo treatments. Of course, I supported him in his decision because he has just suffered so much from the side affects. But I don't know what to expect from here on in. Like you, I try to take it just one day at a time. And yes, help us Jesus. God bless you. I am going to attend an online zoom meeting for caregivers that I found on here. They have them every thursday. Just to see what goes on. But I did not sign up for tomorrow, I am waiting til the 16th. You may want to look into that.

You are so right. I know that he loves me and appreciates the help I give him. He has decided today to stop chemo treatment. All he has done after every treatment is throw up every day for the 3 weeks in between. Hopefully, that will get better as the chemo leaves his body. He got weighed on Jan.2 and he only weighed 94 pounds. I know he has lost more weight because he can't keep anything down. But he does not vomit up the food, it seems to be just phelgm. He is on 2 different kinds of nausea pills but they don't seem to help. This has and will be one heck of a hard road.

Good. At least you get out and about every so often. But, like you, I feel like I should be here. I even quit my part time job so I can be here if he needs me. And in his weakend condition, he is needing me more and more.

My husbands chemo started in august 2022. The chemo pills(lonsurf) are stopping the small tumors from growing but one large tumor keeps growing. He needs a biopsy to see if it is a different cancer. Take care of yourself It can be a Long ride

Thanks. Yes, I believe we are in for a long ride. Who knows what the outcome might be? God knows for sure. But before the chemo treatments started, the doc said that with treatment he may have 2 years. Without, he might be looking at 6 months. I know that they aren't God and can't really know but they do know based on other factor etc,. So I will pray that I an prepared for whatever happens.

@denise96 and the group -- Just wanted to chime in and say "stubborn" patients come in both genders... got one over here.

It's a MAJOR challenge to get her to increase fluids... partake in physical exercise... do recommended brain "exercises," or follow through on other medical suggestions (related to diet, lifestyle, etc).

FRUSTRATING.

/LarryG