Connect
Stubborn partner
Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.
Connect
Don't be sorry. I have one of those at home, too and it IS very frustrating.!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsPlease don't be sorry! It is the hardest job you ever will have as a caregiver!! Have they thought about a gastric tube for his feedings. He definitely sounds dehydrated. I wish that I could say something to make you feel better. Hugs!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 ReactionsI do too!Finds fault with everything that you do! Actually a few minutes ago he came in the bedroom and said he "loved me". Believe when I say , he only says this maybe once or twice a month. But I know he does. But sometimes the behaviors say the opposite!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsI understand. One minute my husband is telling me how much he appreciates me, then the next minute he is barking at me about something. I try not to take offense as I know it is the cancer etc that is at fault for the different moods. I would probably be worse then him if I was the one sick. It is just him not trying to try new foods or tea that has been know to help with nausea.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsYes, it is hard being a caregiver. I feel useless when it seems as if nothing I do is helping him. I am hoping that he does not end up in the hospital. Today, he got down a little bit of chicken noodle soup and so far it is staying down. He needs to put on some weight and get some nutrition in him. Just responding to the post is helpful enough. I know we are all going through hard times as being caregivers and every once in awhile, we need to let it out. 🙂
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsYes, it is so frustrating when he won't even try something that has been proven to help so many other people. What is so bad about a cup of ginger or peppermint tea with honey? It would help and he may even like it if he would just try it. I am at this minute making some homemade chicken noodle soup. I will see what he says about it when he trys it. Oh wll, if he would rather eat soup out of the can, that is on him. HOmemade is so much better for anyone. Good luck with yours.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI totally agree!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsI'm sure your husband knows you are just trying to help and deep down he appreciates it. But I think it's hard for them to accept that things are going to be different and there will come a time when they cannot do for themselves and will have to depend on someone else. I do what I can for my husband but when he gets that way I just remind myself that this whole thing is hard for him too.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
7 ReactionsCaregiving a husband is hard. And yes this whole thing is hard on him too. My husband is a veteran and was exposed to agent orange in Vietnam. He
is suffering from it all now and I sympathize for him. But I get so tired of everything being about him. Everything we have to talk about, everything we do, everywhere we go. I'm not a wife, I'm a caregiver! It's hard to be a wife when you are in charge of doing everything by yourself. And I have so much equipment in my house it looks like a nursing home. He's up all night and wakes me up. And I put in 19 hour days mostly. I get grouchy and I'm tired. But I try to endure and be compassionate. I hear people asking him how he's doing but no one asks me the caregiver how I'm doing. Sometimes I want to scream, go nuts, hang myself (don't worry I won't). This is not how I feel all the time but I really wish we could have more joy in our life. I ask the Lord to help me through this phase of my life. I just hope it doesn't kill me. I know I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of him. Que sera sera, it is what it is and I can only take it one day at a time. 🙏Jesus!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
8 ReactionsIt is reassuring to hear others feel the level of frustration that I do and that this is a normal feeling as a caregiver. My husband does not have cancer, but has a myriad of health issues (diabetes, heart condition, neuropathy, mild cognitive issues). He is battling depression, which is being treated by our primary physician, but he refuses to go to therapy. He is very rude at times and his level of frustration is hard to deal with at times. I try to remember that he has lost his driving privileges and no longer can perform some of the basic everyday tasks.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 Reactions