Spouse with MCI insists on using computer technology without help

I’m not sure how old she is, but do you know the cause of the MCI? It might be helpful to at least know why and that’s because sometimes things can be addressed….such as ruling out vitamin deficiencies, tumors, fluid in brain, infections, etc. It might help you to know what you’re dealing with. And, if she’s overly anxious, her doctor might offer a med for it. And, there are medications that can slow down progression of symptoms in Alzheimer’s. My dad takes 2 and they have made a big difference.

I have found that trying to get a person with cognitive decline to understand their behavior and use reason is usually not likely. Their ability is limited and so providing positive feedback and tolerating their frustration is often the only real option. You can explain things 100 times to convince them of a fact, but it may not be a concept they can accept. I’d probably say the dang thing is fickle and sympathize with her frustration. Allow her to express her frustration and agree. Eventually, she may tire of it or want to buy a new one. Another issue.

I think that with cognitive issues and dementia, it’s a daily challenge to comfort and accommodate the person who is struggling. It progresses at different rates, but gets more pronounced and challenging. I’d try to get a good support system. Dealing with daily behavioral unrest is draining. It’s the toughest part (including resistance to care) of caregiving, imo. I wish you all the best in the care of your wife. I hope you’ll get more ideas here.

My wife's MCI began with short term memory loss, which has slowly worsened (this is going on 7 years now). The next thing that happened was loss of ability to navigate and troubleshoot on her laptop (like your wife, she was not tech savvy but could perform basic file management). She now uses her phone and an iPad for very basic functions only, and needs help if anything at all goes wrong (but she does ask for help). She gets scam emails daily, and I have asked her to show me before she takes any action, and so far (as far as I'm aware) she does. She can barely use the TV remote control, and is totally lost if an action doesn't work right. She cannot follow a recipe or cook (she tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for her sister and could not do it). But she can still drive a car (go figure), but she only goes to her beauty salon once a month, and it is about 1 mile away. She gets angry with me when I won't let her "help" with making dinner, but she is only in my way when she tries and it frustrates both of us, so I tell her I don't need her help "right now" (implying I might need her later). I have no idea if this will progress to full blown dementia or not (it has been 7 years now), but it is a cruel disease. She has a master's degree and taught public schools for 40 years. Unfortunately, her impairment is made so much worse because she drinks every night and even one drink makes her so much worse.

Hi, when my husband was diagnosed with MCI a year ago, his Neuro doctor suggested he quit drinking immediately, because it only makes everything worse, and he quit drinking. His MCI is still progressing and may end up being dementia. He can no longer drive due to safety concerns.
All the best to you on this rough journey. 🫂

My wife has no desire to quit drinking and is very adamant about it (says it is her only pleasure). She is a very confrontational person and has made it clear that if I try to take her wine away, she will go get it herself. Were I to try to take her car keys away, it would cause WWIII (so far she has not had an accident nor gotten lost on her short drives). Her doctor knows but all she can do is make a recommendation. I don't have an answer for this situation that would not make the situation worse.

Her doctor might eventually notify the DMV and they might take away her license. Maybe you can add water to the wine? but she might be able to detect the difference.

You can check with your state’s requirements on driving reviews. In my state, anyone can recommend DMV to evaluate a driver. It’s really important to prevent the driving regardless of the protests. I’d seek help from her doctor. You might also consult with an attorney for legal advice. There could be liability for a family member, especially a spouse, who has knowledge of impairment and does not intervene. If she harmed someone with negligent driving, they may come after you personally for damages. I’d explore what if any liability there could be. Stopping driving is a huge deal, but very important. It can be an indication of just how impaired their judgment is, because if thinking clearly, they would not want to drive and harm someone. With cognitive impairment, they focus only on what they want. Not the safety of others.

Hi @mdcaitlin, I watched a Teepa Snow video on how to manage obsession in a person with dementia. (There are a number of her videos posted on YouTube).
She suggested substitution. Would your wife have get engaged with adult coloring or a jigsaw puzzle? There are a number for persons with dementia, ranging from 16 pieces to 100.

I just did a search on perplexity.ai This was my question:
Are there any special computer apps for a person with dementia who wants to work on a computer, but can't really operate one?
Here is the link:
https://www.perplexity.ai/search/are-yhere-any-special-computer-PfsKgF96QIWKGcnBouI._Q
This was the answer:
Answer
There are several specialized apps and tools designed to help individuals with dementia use computers or similar devices effectively, even if they face challenges operating them. Here are some options:
Apps for Cognitive Stimulation and Daily Support
MindMate: Offers interactive activities, brain exercises, recipes, and health tips tailored for individuals with dementia. It helps maintain cognitive skills and provides daily routines15.
Lumosity: A brain-training app with over 40 games to improve memory, speed, logic, and problem-solving. It adapts to the user’s abilities15.
It’s Done!: Simplifies task management by allowing users to check off daily tasks (e.g., taking medication or locking doors) and notifies caregivers when tasks are completed57.
MyReef 3D Aquarium: A calming app where users can interact with virtual fish in a customizable aquarium. It’s especially engaging for those with advanced dementia37.
Tools for Simplified Computer Use
GrandPad: A simplified tablet designed for seniors with limited tech skills. It features large icons, video calling, music streaming, and easy navigation8.
My Computer My Way: An interactive tool that helps customize computer settings to suit the user’s needs (e.g., larger text or simplified controls)4.
Apps for Engagement and Therapy
Constant Therapy: Provides evidence-based exercises for memory, speech, and attention, tailored to individual goals. It’s used by clinicians but is also available for personal use7.
AmuseIT: Promotes conversation through simple quizzes with visual prompts, helping stimulate memory and reasoning9.
Recommendations
For someone struggling to operate a computer, starting with familiar or simplified technology like the GrandPad or using apps like MindMate can provide both cognitive stimulation and ease of use. Caregivers can also assist by using remote support tools like TeamViewer to manage technical issues remotely2.
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I hope this helps you and your wife.

I survived WWIII, mostly unscathed just traumatized.
The war was over loss of driving privileges for safety reasons.
Hope there are no accidents on your end, and that she doesn't hurt or kill anyone. It took a scary and dangerous near miss to take my husband's keys away and tell him he can no longer drive because his brain is not giving him correct information. I emphasized that it was not his fault, it was for the safety of himself and others. Since he kept forgetting that, he kept asking for his keys back. Same situation after credit card misuse.
I think I have PTSD.
All the best to you.

Thank you. I am more than willing to take her car keys if she has an accident or gets lost. I think the risk is fairly low for now, in that she is driving at low speeds on city streets. She finds her way there and back so far and she is literally driving only once every 5 weeks for a haircut. Unlike many impaired patients written about on these pages, she is very aware of her memory loss and does not deny her impairment. But she has lost so much independence that I am willing to allow her to drive until I have a definite reason to take the keys. I would not be willing to let her drive on the freeway or at night or (god forbid) if she were drinking. I actually believe she would volunteer to give up driving if she felt she was a threat (and that is the reason she doesn't want to drive to other places that she is less familiar with).

I’m no expert, but I have read that certain cognitive decline associated with alcohol consumption can be halted or even reversed. I don’t know this, but I would explore it. I’ve read studies about it.