So, looking over one's shoulder for the remaining time...

Had mine done September 2024.
No regrets... just wanted that cancer gone.

Incontinence & ED continue to torment me.
But I'm on the right side of the dirt.

Try to master Kegels before surgery.
I couldn't - even after 6 months with a physio.
But things are easier if you can.

While you're waiting for the surgery, take note of the advice from these wise ladies.

I would say, "don't look over your shoulder." The past will be the past. There never were any guarantees, & there won't be any in the future. Live your days in the future as normal as possible, but with no expectations.

Sooner or later we ALL (disease or not) will have to adapt to our "new you," but don't fret over it. If you are outgoing & help others, it's easier to not concentrate on our own issues.

We have similar pathologies - I’m 59, stage 3, 3+5=8, PSA was at 9.42 when I was diagnosed, and I have cribiform glands present, and the cancer was just heading out the door when they plucked my prostate (negative on lymph nodes, vesicles, nerves, and surrounding tissue). I had my surgery in January of this year.

I strongly echo the “don’t look back” mentality. I’m an optimist (annoyingly so, my wife says!), so when the doc tells me 50-50 chance on recurrence, I hear, “50% that it won’t come back,” and move on.

I know it’s easy to say, but that’s just the way my outlook is, it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a “it’ll all work out one way or another” person 100%.

I don’t bury my head. I listen to my care team. I’m exercising more, I’ve changed my diet. I do my PT and my pump religiously. I just don’t get bogged down in negative thoughts.

In some ways, I don’t think about it much at all. I very quickly worked my new lifestyle into my existing one and now these things are just part of the routine: wake up, skedaddle to the bathroom, take a shower, on with my undies and fit a pad, have a cup of tea, browse the internet, do my morning PT, eat breakfast, log in for work, etc - my day is a mix of “normal” and “new normal” things and I don’t even think about it.

For me, the incontinence is worse than the ED (men around the world just audibly gasped! 😆), but that’s just because it’s more noticeable. The first couple of months were miserable but doable with the bladder control, and now it’s better still, but with a ways to go yet to get back where I was. For the ED, I just focus on my meds and my pump and hope that that sorts itself out eventually. There’s the occasional sign there’s still life in the old boy yet, but not any time soon. Adapt and overcome and all that.

Wishing you good luck for a boring and uneventful surgery and recovery. If you can get through the first three months, you’ll be fine. Three months…that’s just 90 days, which passes regardless, so just buckle down and get through it.

Prayers for a successful surgery! 59 and also 4+3. I woke up from surgery and there was an incredible feeling of relief. So grateful for a kind and talented surgeon, a loving wife and family and health insurance. When I focus on the then problem , the problem gets bigger. My pastor told me to do what they tell you to do and that has been helpful. Gratitude is the key my brother and live one day at a time.

First off, it’s really good to see that you are looking at this realistically and planning for the absolute worst…
Even better, however, is the really good chance that NONE of your fears will be realized.
There are many members on the forum who are not incontinent, not sexually destroyed and not in the throes of BCR…there IS hope!
And more than just hope are the very real statistics that say you will slowly get better over time and ‘adjust’ to your situation.
My motto has always been “Plan for the Worst, hope for the Best!” It has never left me disappointed. Best of Luck,
Phil

Things in the past no longer exist.

I’m a “glass half full” type of person. Statistically, the odds are against my prostate cancer recurring so, I’m expecting the best (but have a plan in place just in case, as I would for any other injury, illness, or disease).

As for now, my PSA tells the story. As long as my numbers stay ok, I don’t need to look over my shoulder (just as I didn’t look over my shoulder following my knee surgeries, back surgery, or cholecystectomy).

Pearls of wisdom:
> live life.
> be positive.
> make decisions that promote both.

After your surgery you will have dry orgasms. I really miss being able to ejaculate. My advice, grab some lube watch a lot of pornography and masturbate as much as possible before your surgery.

Keep the forum up to date on when you go to surgery etc, We will all be routing for you!

You really should get an hereditary, genetic test. You are getting prostate cancer very young and it could be due to genetics. Is there prostate cancer or breast cancer or other types of cancers in your family?

I got it at 62, My father died of it at 88. I have BRCA2 a genetic problem. My brother got it at 77, He had a more than 100% higher chance since our father had it, but he did not have BRCA2 so he got it when older than me.

My brother had SBRT radiation with a 4+3 and small cribriform. Three years later, his PSA is fine. At your age, surgery is probably better.

There are newer techniques and surgery that prevent incontinence and ED. Look for a surgeon experienced in anterior posterior urethral reconstruction, dorsal hood sparing, Retzius sparing.

Check out this link
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/1548188/
I had surgery at 62 and Salvage radiation at 66.I am now 78 and even though I have BRCA2, which makes my cancer aggressive, I’m doing fine after four reoccurrences. The treatments and drugs we have today work really well, I have been undetectable the last 31 months. New drugs are going to drop in the next year or two and they are going to make a significant difference. Prostate cancer has become a chronic disease for almost everyone not a fatal disease.

I had a prostecomy at age 70 almost 2 years ago. Unfortunately the prostate pathology found both Cribriform and IDC. My PSA has been undetectable, but I'm a bit of a "worrier" by nature. My "pearle of wisdom" you asked about is that I've found that I don't worry as much when I focus on my gratitude for how many things have turned out well. Specifically, my cancer was found early, the surgery went well, I'm alive, pain free, and able to be physically active (long walks, hiking, etc). I'm continent, my ED was disappeared at 15 months, and without that old enlarged prostate I urinate like I'm 30 years younger. For me, frequently reflecting on how lucky I've been so far and how much worst it could have been. I can honestly say I acknowledge and appreciate the simple things in life more than before my diagnosis. For me this helps keep me from spending much time "looking over my shoulder" pondering if it returns, and it helps remind me to squeeze as much joy from each day as I can. Best wishes.