“Showtime”: My husband hides his MCI by his humor and deflection.

@marilynt
I think this devastating situation calls for a strong support team for you. And, perhaps a virtual therapist through your health care facility? Advice I received was select your therapist by reading their bio and ensure they have experience working with caregivers.
Before retiring I worked with high-risk families who need every resource and support possible.
We shared with them info regarding primary, secondary and tertiary support:
Primary: someone you would not hesitate to all in the middle of the night if there's an emergency
Secondary: folks you'd contact for occasional help, but during working hours.
Tertiary: people who are usually paid to offer assistance and support, like a social worker, medical professionals and volunteers at Meals on Wheels for example.
Anyway... if you build it they will come; build your support team and good luck! ☘️

@judimahoney Thank you, Judi, for your insight. I did meet with my therapist (reconnected with her after a year) for a catchup session and I will see her on Nov. 17. We do work well together so I can update her. My married daughter and her husband live close and could help in an emergency. I think I need to let some close friends know our situation now rather than waiting for a call.
I must say that being with all of you on Mayo Connect has really helped me work through a very difficult day and I will continue to check in. Thank you!💖

I understand completely about feeling isolated. I describe it as feeling as if my world is shrinking day by day.

My husband is also able to perform well when we are with other people and his MCI hardly shows. So, for now, I am trying to see family and friends as often as we can. The social interactions help both of us.

@marilynt I'm into this 15 months, you say 8. And what I see: my husband has in a dignified way accepted he has age-related memory loss. With something called Amyloid plaque growth. He chose the lequembe to slow down the plaque's growth. I think he believes, everything will go away, and things will stay status quo with his mild cognitive impairment. That may be a good thing, because positivity is better than anything negative when going through a life-altering medical issue. When my husband gets irritated or anxious, I just try to get him off subject, and keep things smooth and structured. I think we have to find ways to not become so isolated, so my husband and I take walks, we voted early yesterday, and he was happy about that. We have this little competitive thing going, on who can find the most golf balls (we're renting near a golf course). I'm winning! We grocery shopped together yesterday, so we do things together, because we still can, as a team. That helps us build connection. @grandmajoan talks about the social connections, and I think that's important. We did err, however, on the side of not telling friends, only a few, what was taking place. The few we told have been disappointingly missing. I read a lot, in an out of various chapters in books and on this site. I've referenced this before, but read Still Alice, because that book is written from an Alzheimer's once academic scholar. It lets you see what's taking place in her brain while she's working through her diagnosis with her loved ones. Still Alice. Still alert. None of us know what God has planned for our outcome. Just try to find the connection with your husband, those @memoriestomoments - memories that still turn into beautiful, shared moments together. I keep talking about her post, because for me, it still resonates.
Best, Karla

@marilynt I meant "Still Me" the book, not Still Alice! Sorry.
Best, Karla

@kjc48 Thank you, Karla, your messages are helpful to us. I will definitely order “Still Alice” and make suggestions for us as a couple to do things together. Most importantly, I need to reach out to some friends for support.
My story is a bit different because of Jerry’s diagnosis of CAA and quad bypass surgery in 2012, he is ineligible for either medication to slow the MCI.
Also, my total knee replacement in May has had complications and I am barely able to walk, so many times my pain level is high. Mayo will be following up, and my pain may also be due to my left hip or nerve pain from my lumbar region. I do not dwell on my issues because I am trying to focus on us as a couple.
I do have my faith to lean on God, because this past summer has been hard as my husband also had prostate cancer which had him receive 45 Proton treatments. We are blessed because the cancer is gone.

My husband has narcissistic personality disorder so he is very good at manipulation and covering up certain things. His mother had dementia for years before his dad opened up about it and she would always laugh it off. Nobody wanted to challenge her...everything had to be her way. Makes things more difficult than they need to be. The people who own the situation have a better chance of improvement.

@marilynt I'm sorry I meant to say the book: Still Me, not Still Alice. Still Me is the book written by the academic scholar. ALso, what is CAA? I'm sorry he isn't eligible for lequembe and pray something out there will help you and your husband. Total knee replace, yikes! that's even tougher with his and your own medical and yes, @judimahoney advice for step-level support is definitely on your radar for help. I have faith too, we ask God to open the doors: my daily mantra: Courage to face the day, clarity to know what to do and when, and asking God to shine his light and help lead the way. I'm so glad the cancer is gone. Prayers for you - and all of us - in dealing with whatever life continues to put in our way.
Best, Karla

@diane07710 Thank you for your post and helping me feel I am not alone.
Yes, my husband has to decide for his situation. I can only make my own changes.

@kjc48 CAA is Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy. He received this diagnosis 2 yrs. prior to Alzheimer’s, and the protein found in the blood vessels of the brain cause microbleeds. So we have been dealing with the brain issues for a while now.
Since my husband has a high intellect, this also helps him to mask these diseases. This is why people think I am making a “big deal over nothing” It hurts me and that is also why we are not as socially active as before. A few friends understand.