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Sex out of marriage if wife is ill and cannot have sex
I am literally asking for a friend. Over 50 years ago a young guy and I had a loving relationship. It was a biracial one – he was black I am white. We had a son together who was placed for adoption. Both of us suffered greatly, both because of having to lose our son and not being able to be together. We both, after much therapy, were able to go on with our lives and have loving relationships and families. I lost my husband to cancer 16 years ago and have chosen not to be at any more relationships. He is still married and has been for 44 years, but his wife is now ill and unable to have sex. We recently have communicated because we both, individually, have been in contact with our now grown son. Even though the initial contact between the two of us was strictly platonic and only two communicate about her son, old feelings have surfaced and now he is faced with a situation of whether to be intimate with me. Our feelings for each other are very strong, and had society not made it so difficult for us back then, we would have married. But now he’s married to someone else but still has strong feelings for me. Obviously my feelings for him are just as strong. We are not interested in breaking up his marriage, but he’s in a stressful situation and have a sexual relationship would help reduce some of that stress. Right now he said he masturbates a lot. There’s still a lot of love between us, so it wouldn’t be a matter of him just having a sexual relationship to reduce stress; It’s a loving relationship. Both of us, however, are dealing with the infidelity part. Any comments would be appreciated.
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No, it really sounds like she's talking about herself and her past lover, not some friend
But what does it matter? Nobody knows her. Most of us are probably using a pseudonym for our post anyway
"In sickness and in health, "til death do us part".
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3 ReactionsBe careful. If you enter into this the dynamics of your life and this man's will change.
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2 Reactions@ccohen1 I'm checking back in with you. Has your friends made any decisions? Can your friend discuss this with his wife to make this decision an open one in the marriage?
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1 ReactionSeparate love and sex and go for it. Enjoy it, no guilt.
Are you aware that genuine friends do not condone or facilitate infidelity or adultery?
So what is your definition of an ideal friend?
Years ago, as an interracial couple, you both prioritized societal and familial biases against your relationship over love, resulting in the relinquishment of a child from that relationship, which significantly impacted his life.
Upon reading your story, I ask you to consider the perspective of being the ill wife. Would you find it acceptable if your spouse engaged in infidelity, or would you expect your spouse to lovingly uphold their vows to care for one another in sickness and in health?
No excuse can diminish the importance of upholding moral values and respecting the sanctity of marriage relationships.
Remember, the most profound lie is the one we tell ourselves. Walk away with integrity to avoid regrets.
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3 ReactionsWe don't have to know her. She asked for input and pseudonym has nothing to do with it the responses of commenters.
These comments are effecting me negatively because they reflect what is wrong with society. We fail to think before we act we fail to consider how our words thoughts and actions hurt others. I can remove morality here but my decision would be clear. I would not do this. There is cause effect correlation and would not contribute to the transmission of transgenerstional trauma.
I would not contribute to the transmission of transgenerational trauma.