Sex out of marriage if wife is ill and cannot have sex

ccohen1, I'll only say that sex outside of marriage changes things within the marriage. You will change his relationship with his wife when she needs him the very most. Though the infidelity of a man in his position, would make him entirely unattractive to me, I see the temptation for you
Bless your decision with kindness.

I've always believed any type of sexual relationships people work out are fine as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and no one is being deceptive. FWIW, a couple I know in an open relationship have a rule that they CANNOT have sex with anyone else with whom they have an emotional attachment, i.e. a fling on a business trip is fine but getting involved with someone for who they have feelings is not.

Since the two of you have an emotional attachment, I think this will make the situation more complicated. His wife is likely to feel like her husband wants to abandon her in sickness and before anything could happen those feelings would need to be dealt with.

Before anything happens between the two of you sexually, he needs to decide 1. is this a conversation he can have with his wife (i.e. it's a difficult conversation but would it devastate or hurt her emotionally)? and 2. if so, what are the rules for the two of you seeing each other.

Thanks for your insight. Your thoughts are all reasonable and worth considering.

As I said in the beginning, I’m asking for a friend. He isn’t in favor of being unfaithful; I asked this question publicly so that maybe I could show him how other people felt about it and might give him a different perspective. The last time we had been intimate was over 50 years ago and were both single. Plus, we were having to hide our relationship because of the world we lived in at that time. Now society is much more accepting of biracial relationships and I’m single—but he’s not.

You have a very difficult situation but moving forward with this will just complicate every life involved, include confuse your son. Maybe seek counselling ALONE and with God.

I just wonder how ill his wife really is. Do you know for sure that she's too ill? I imagine there's a few situations where someone who's ill couldn't have sex if they're totally bedridden and semicomatos but otherwise don't. All older couples learn to pleasure each other without intercourse? I'm just asking because it's a question that you need to be sure about.

Life is short .. it's shorter when you have a few years on you as you both appear to have ..you should be able to make wiser choices in life by now .. the best to the both of them.

@ccohen1 I'm confused by your posts. You've switched back and forth between sharing that you are writing for a friend but in some of your posts you've written in the first person with "I" and "we".

Does "your friend" know you are writing about their intimate life? Can you also explain why you have switched back and forth between third person pronouns "he" and "she" and first person pronouns of "I" and "we"? This will help me and others figure out how to respond to your posts.

That’s a valid question to which I don’t know the answer.

Forgive me, but this sounds a lot like the "My wife doesn't understand me" dodge.

For me, the bond with my wife is sacred. We share an intimacy I could never violate or compromise.