Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Posted by Mamacita, Volunteer Mentor @mamacita, Apr 29, 2018

Maybe you were really shy as a child. Perhaps you took home a huge stack of books from the school library, read them, and returned them the next day. Or did your best friend find you crying in your closet, unable to answer the question “Why?” At any rate, your life could be traced to the Self-Help section of the local bookstore. Unfortunately, most of the books were not much help. ADHD seemed to fit, at times. Your shrink said you might be Bi-Polar, although she wasn’t really certain. All you knew was that you rarely fit in, anywhere. One day at work, it hit you square in the face: I don’t speak these people’s language! Really, it was like you were all playing this game, and everyone knew the rules but you. You couldn’t tell a joke, and you never “got” any joke your co-worker tried to tell you. People started getting annoyed with you, because you had a memory like a steel trap. They didn’t appreciate it when you called them on the carpet. Who knew? This was my life, and worse. I finally aced several tests that pointed me to the answer to my questions. The Autism Spectrum. Guess what? Little kids with Autism grow up to be Adults with Autism. Diagnosed late in life? This is the place for you!

@mamacita

Hey, @mjsmimi , how are you doing this afternoon? I am so proud of you for walking! That is one of the best things we can ever do for ourselves! Sounds like .maybe a little bit of sress has been taken off your shoulders. For that, I am very grateful.

Also, I am so encouraged that you have set boundaries for yourself. When we come to realize that we are not safe where we are, and decide to do something about it, well, that just takes strength. And courage. You are very brave for taking the steps you have already taken.

Your love and affection for those children tell me what a kind heart you have. You deserve to be safe as much as they do.

My hope is that you continue this plan of action, and that you will concentrate on first things first. The depression worries me, because I am not quite sure why you are weaning off the medication for it. I must have missed something somewhere.

I hope that you have a good doctor who is advising you on this. Sometimes it takes a while to determine what route to take, with depression. I have dealt with it almost all of my life. Will you be taking a different antidepressant when you are totally off the present one? For me, an antidepressant is as necessary as insulin is for a diabetic. I personally have tried just about every approach there is. I just get worse and worse, without those chemicals my body does not seem to make on its own.

Everyone is different. What works for one doesn't always work the same way for others. And if I have said too much, please know you don't have to answer anything I asked!

I just want you to know I am here for you in my little corner of the world. You are doing great! I will be sending all my positive energies and thoughts, prayers and hugs, your way! Talk to you soon!

Mamacita (Jane)

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Hey mamacita,
Thank You for your kind words and thoughts. I am Doing better, I make sure I put my excercise on my priority list. It seems to help. I wanted to go off the effexor myself. I wanted to try and be drug free for and see how my body reacts. I hate having to rely on a drug to function. I am going to give it some time and then see what the doctor sais. He gave me 2 more weeks of the effexor. I have a feeling I am going to need something for the depression, but maybe not. The night sweats have been brutal the last 4 nights. Maybe the bowl of ice cream I consume daily dosen't help. I am finding the older I get I crave sweets. This is something totally new to me. Maybe because I no longer drink wine? Thats loaded with sugar.
I am going to consult with a therapist also. I think I need to be able to vent some of this hurt and anger to someone other than my son and his wife. They don't need my problems interfering with their life. They have a life of there own. I don't want to burden them. I want to be my usual happy a little quirky mom and mimi. This relationship with this guy has really changed me. I need to get back to who I used to be. I have a lot of hurt to deal with and need to stay positive as much as I can. Talk to you soon.
mjsmimi (Pam)

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@mjsmimi

Hey mamacita,
Thank You for your kind words and thoughts. I am Doing better, I make sure I put my excercise on my priority list. It seems to help. I wanted to go off the effexor myself. I wanted to try and be drug free for and see how my body reacts. I hate having to rely on a drug to function. I am going to give it some time and then see what the doctor sais. He gave me 2 more weeks of the effexor. I have a feeling I am going to need something for the depression, but maybe not. The night sweats have been brutal the last 4 nights. Maybe the bowl of ice cream I consume daily dosen't help. I am finding the older I get I crave sweets. This is something totally new to me. Maybe because I no longer drink wine? Thats loaded with sugar.
I am going to consult with a therapist also. I think I need to be able to vent some of this hurt and anger to someone other than my son and his wife. They don't need my problems interfering with their life. They have a life of there own. I don't want to burden them. I want to be my usual happy a little quirky mom and mimi. This relationship with this guy has really changed me. I need to get back to who I used to be. I have a lot of hurt to deal with and need to stay positive as much as I can. Talk to you soon.
mjsmimi (Pam)

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Good evening, dear @mjsmimi. How good to hear from you! I agree with you, if we don't absolutely have to have a certain medicine, then why take it? And there are so many things that we can do to help ourselves towards better health than just taking a pill twice a day.

Fresh air, pure water, a bit of sunshine, regular exercise, plenty of rest, time for ourselves, time for others.

Some depression is situational. Circumstances can be changed. Sometimes, of course, they cannot be changed. There are many different kinds of therapies, as wel.

It not always necessary to have a long term plan for counselling. Again, it depends on the person. Here's to you finding a really good one that you feel good about. You sense respect. Interest.
And wisdom to help you work through things.

Good night, love and light!
Mamacita

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@mamacita

You are doing the right thing. Get out. Have your phone charged, your meds in zip lock bags inside your purse.

If it was me, there would be not a chance in purgatory that I would be there when he returns. Call Child protective services. She is in danger. You can't leave her but you and her together can get to the police. Do what you have to do. Get a restraining ordet. Go to a women and children's shelter. The police know what to do for you.

This is so complicated because of so many levels. CPS will want names, address, phone numbers of sane, responsible family who can take her in. If there is no one, she may go to a girls home on a temporary basis. She may go into foster care
But her life and yours are in the most extreme danger there could ever possibly be.

My daughter still cries over her best friend who was beaten to death by her husband . He had been released from prison and everything seemed to be going fine.

But he came home one night from work. No one knows exactly what happened. But he has been charged with her death. This woman was a caring, loving friend to my disabled daughter. She was a kind friend to me.

Please, please, please get out of there now with your young teen, and get to the police station. Life is worth living. Don't take any chances. If you must, show your posts in your phone to the officer in charge. This is hard. Be safe. We care about you.

Mamacita

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It's interesting that you mention defending your family no matter what others think. I've done that and been labeled the BAD GUY by the rest of my family. Bad for calling child services, building inspectors, drug enforcement dudes, local police. I seem 2b the only one in my family with a brain.

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@mjsmimi

Hey mamacita,
Thank You for your kind words and thoughts. I am Doing better, I make sure I put my excercise on my priority list. It seems to help. I wanted to go off the effexor myself. I wanted to try and be drug free for and see how my body reacts. I hate having to rely on a drug to function. I am going to give it some time and then see what the doctor sais. He gave me 2 more weeks of the effexor. I have a feeling I am going to need something for the depression, but maybe not. The night sweats have been brutal the last 4 nights. Maybe the bowl of ice cream I consume daily dosen't help. I am finding the older I get I crave sweets. This is something totally new to me. Maybe because I no longer drink wine? Thats loaded with sugar.
I am going to consult with a therapist also. I think I need to be able to vent some of this hurt and anger to someone other than my son and his wife. They don't need my problems interfering with their life. They have a life of there own. I don't want to burden them. I want to be my usual happy a little quirky mom and mimi. This relationship with this guy has really changed me. I need to get back to who I used to be. I have a lot of hurt to deal with and need to stay positive as much as I can. Talk to you soon.
mjsmimi (Pam)

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@mjsmimi It's good to hear the positivity in your post! Good for you for being able to step back and look at the situation without emotion, and see what you need to do. I am a big supporter of counseling and therapy when it's needed, and have never felt any shame to reach out when needed. Depression is a mighty funny critter that's for sure. Some people and families are more prone to it, and many times it takes so many forms that it is hard to realize that you truly are suffering from depression. Please let us know how you progress along, and know we are always here for you.
Ginger

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@mjsmimi

Hey mamacita,
Thank You for your kind words and thoughts. I am Doing better, I make sure I put my excercise on my priority list. It seems to help. I wanted to go off the effexor myself. I wanted to try and be drug free for and see how my body reacts. I hate having to rely on a drug to function. I am going to give it some time and then see what the doctor sais. He gave me 2 more weeks of the effexor. I have a feeling I am going to need something for the depression, but maybe not. The night sweats have been brutal the last 4 nights. Maybe the bowl of ice cream I consume daily dosen't help. I am finding the older I get I crave sweets. This is something totally new to me. Maybe because I no longer drink wine? Thats loaded with sugar.
I am going to consult with a therapist also. I think I need to be able to vent some of this hurt and anger to someone other than my son and his wife. They don't need my problems interfering with their life. They have a life of there own. I don't want to burden them. I want to be my usual happy a little quirky mom and mimi. This relationship with this guy has really changed me. I need to get back to who I used to be. I have a lot of hurt to deal with and need to stay positive as much as I can. Talk to you soon.
mjsmimi (Pam)

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@mjsmimi
Hello Pam,
It is so good to hear how you are taking care of yourself. You are doing all of the right things!

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Hello everyone! I have been MIA for a little while. I had hammertoe surgery almost a month ago. I was instructed to keep my foot propped up. Only walk (er, hobble) to the bathroom,etc. Oh vey!

May I say, this particular change in my routine was not the most pleasant of experiences. I mean, at the risk of sounding like a whiny baby, as I had a succession of pity parties, no one, I mean NO one came.

Here's the deal: If you don't tell your friends and family that you need help while you are ill or recovering from surgery, they are not going to know that you need it. They are not mind readers. There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in asking for help when you need it.

My question is fairly simple. Why do we, as people on the Spectrum, find it so difficult to ask for the occasional help when we need it? Are we afraid that we will seem vulnerable? Are we ashamed that we are not Wonder woman or Superman, that we are human, and weak? I cannot tell you the number of times I have taken food to friends at the death of a family member. Or when the flu has invaded a family with little children. Yet when it is my turn, we spend an unGodly amount of money on take out food

Perhaps one day we will grow up and realize that we are worthy of the same considerations that we so carefully give others. I hope that day comes soon for all of us. Let's just agree to work on this, maybe as a part of self-care. After all, we are, indeed, better together. Love to you all. I have missed you all so much!

Mamacita

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@mamacita
So good to hear from you again. We have missed you as well. Your problem of not asking for help is probably one that we all experience. Our independent natures do get in our way often! Thanks for reminding me that I really can ask for help when needed.

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@mamacita

Hello everyone! I have been MIA for a little while. I had hammertoe surgery almost a month ago. I was instructed to keep my foot propped up. Only walk (er, hobble) to the bathroom,etc. Oh vey!

May I say, this particular change in my routine was not the most pleasant of experiences. I mean, at the risk of sounding like a whiny baby, as I had a succession of pity parties, no one, I mean NO one came.

Here's the deal: If you don't tell your friends and family that you need help while you are ill or recovering from surgery, they are not going to know that you need it. They are not mind readers. There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in asking for help when you need it.

My question is fairly simple. Why do we, as people on the Spectrum, find it so difficult to ask for the occasional help when we need it? Are we afraid that we will seem vulnerable? Are we ashamed that we are not Wonder woman or Superman, that we are human, and weak? I cannot tell you the number of times I have taken food to friends at the death of a family member. Or when the flu has invaded a family with little children. Yet when it is my turn, we spend an unGodly amount of money on take out food

Perhaps one day we will grow up and realize that we are worthy of the same considerations that we so carefully give others. I hope that day comes soon for all of us. Let's just agree to work on this, maybe as a part of self-care. After all, we are, indeed, better together. Love to you all. I have missed you all so much!

Mamacita

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@mamacita I hope you are feeling better as each day passes after your foot surgery. No matter our level of activity, suddenly being told not to do anything can be frustrating. Our minds see this as both a challenge and as a put-down and that's just very difficult to accept. Why can't we ask for help you ask. Speaking only for myself, asking for help gets stuck in the exactly how do I phrase it in a way that others will understand what it is I am asking for, when I may not even know what I'm needing! Is it emotional or physical support that I am asking for? Where are the words to express what I need? Will what is said be heard the way I want it to be heard? Being gentle on myself and realizing what is going to work best for me and then proceed to ask, being careful who it is I ask for help. One time I made a comment to someone who I thought was a friend, and had a very caustic comment thrown back at me. All that did was make me shut down for years.
Ginger

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@gingerw , I haven't had my first cup of coffee yet. I have read your response. Are you sure we aren't long lost relatives? I could not have said it better if I had tried. I will get back with you today. Yes, indeed. How are my words perceived? I remember asking for help from someone who I thought was a friend. It remained a sad reminder to this day that my friends are often not who I think they are. But I am past that. Or am I?

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@hopeful33250

@mamacita
So good to hear from you again. We have missed you as well. Your problem of not asking for help is probably one that we all experience. Our independent natures do get in our way often! Thanks for reminding me that I really can ask for help when needed.

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Hi Teresa! Coffee. I need coffee! I cannot think just yet. But I am so happy to hang out with you guys again. I will go into greater detail later. Lot on my plate today. But yes
Why are we so anxious to not ask for support when we need it? Great answers already and it's barely 8:35 my time. Perhaps all of the above and more?

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@mamacita

Hello everyone! I have been MIA for a little while. I had hammertoe surgery almost a month ago. I was instructed to keep my foot propped up. Only walk (er, hobble) to the bathroom,etc. Oh vey!

May I say, this particular change in my routine was not the most pleasant of experiences. I mean, at the risk of sounding like a whiny baby, as I had a succession of pity parties, no one, I mean NO one came.

Here's the deal: If you don't tell your friends and family that you need help while you are ill or recovering from surgery, they are not going to know that you need it. They are not mind readers. There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in asking for help when you need it.

My question is fairly simple. Why do we, as people on the Spectrum, find it so difficult to ask for the occasional help when we need it? Are we afraid that we will seem vulnerable? Are we ashamed that we are not Wonder woman or Superman, that we are human, and weak? I cannot tell you the number of times I have taken food to friends at the death of a family member. Or when the flu has invaded a family with little children. Yet when it is my turn, we spend an unGodly amount of money on take out food

Perhaps one day we will grow up and realize that we are worthy of the same considerations that we so carefully give others. I hope that day comes soon for all of us. Let's just agree to work on this, maybe as a part of self-care. After all, we are, indeed, better together. Love to you all. I have missed you all so much!

Mamacita

Jump to this post

@mamacita

I'm so happy you're back on Connect and hopefully feeling better! I don't think I'm on the Spectrum, but I too have had to learn to ask for help. Those of us who had to become "adults" when we were really still little kids have a hard time learning how to let our vulnerability show.

When I was 4 years old, I was given responsibility for things far beyond my knowledge or experience. I accepted the responsibility, not knowing that I was far to young to become a mommy to my brother and sister. I needed help myself at that age, but had to put my fears and needs aside and become fierce for my family. As I got older, still in elementary school, I learned that not showing fear, instead showing courage and confronting bullies, etc. was how I could best survive and care for my brother and sister. I was 25 when I finally sought mental health counseling as I recognized that my relationships were awful. I could not give in to letting myself be loved, and was panicking a lot. I'm so thankful that I was able to see that the problem was mine. Well, mine and society's. I worked hard to learn over the next 5 years or so how to express my anger, love and vulnerability, and how to handle my fears. During those years I divorced my alcoholic husband who is no doubt on the Spectrum (I now know)and after several years met and married current husband of 36 years.

Now, my problem is more about letting myself be "helped" too much. That's partly because I am still trying to please, and my husband is more than happy to "rescue" me. I don't like it, so I'm asking/telling him more and more to stop rescuing me. He acquiesces quickly, so I figure he doesn't like it either. LOL Still learning and adjusting our relationship with each year as we change in our elder years. He has been my rock of safety all these years because I know he loves me completely. He's not always happy with what I do or don't do, as I am with him, but we love each other deeply and work to change what we need in our relationship, while being true to our individual selves.

All this to say that I understand the importance and difficulty of asking for help when I need it. Love and peace to you Mamacita.

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@gailb

@mamacita

I'm so happy you're back on Connect and hopefully feeling better! I don't think I'm on the Spectrum, but I too have had to learn to ask for help. Those of us who had to become "adults" when we were really still little kids have a hard time learning how to let our vulnerability show.

When I was 4 years old, I was given responsibility for things far beyond my knowledge or experience. I accepted the responsibility, not knowing that I was far to young to become a mommy to my brother and sister. I needed help myself at that age, but had to put my fears and needs aside and become fierce for my family. As I got older, still in elementary school, I learned that not showing fear, instead showing courage and confronting bullies, etc. was how I could best survive and care for my brother and sister. I was 25 when I finally sought mental health counseling as I recognized that my relationships were awful. I could not give in to letting myself be loved, and was panicking a lot. I'm so thankful that I was able to see that the problem was mine. Well, mine and society's. I worked hard to learn over the next 5 years or so how to express my anger, love and vulnerability, and how to handle my fears. During those years I divorced my alcoholic husband who is no doubt on the Spectrum (I now know)and after several years met and married current husband of 36 years.

Now, my problem is more about letting myself be "helped" too much. That's partly because I am still trying to please, and my husband is more than happy to "rescue" me. I don't like it, so I'm asking/telling him more and more to stop rescuing me. He acquiesces quickly, so I figure he doesn't like it either. LOL Still learning and adjusting our relationship with each year as we change in our elder years. He has been my rock of safety all these years because I know he loves me completely. He's not always happy with what I do or don't do, as I am with him, but we love each other deeply and work to change what we need in our relationship, while being true to our individual selves.

All this to say that I understand the importance and difficulty of asking for help when I need it. Love and peace to you Mamacita.

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Dearest Gail, there is just so very much that you and I have in common. It affirms my belief that we all have more in common than not.

I, too, had to take on adult responsibilities when I was very young. I really do believe that is a major part of why I don't like to ask for help now. When a young child has her childhood taken away on so many levels, it is difficult to put oneself in a vulnerable position.

I would rather not even ask for help, fearing that someone would turn me down. My track record for keeping friends is not good. I would rather fend for myself and do without than to be disappointed.

I am a nice person. People do like to assist me if I need help. But I get in these moods where I think no one likes me or wants to consider me as a friend. Crazy, I know.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You give me hope!

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@gailb

@mamacita

I'm so happy you're back on Connect and hopefully feeling better! I don't think I'm on the Spectrum, but I too have had to learn to ask for help. Those of us who had to become "adults" when we were really still little kids have a hard time learning how to let our vulnerability show.

When I was 4 years old, I was given responsibility for things far beyond my knowledge or experience. I accepted the responsibility, not knowing that I was far to young to become a mommy to my brother and sister. I needed help myself at that age, but had to put my fears and needs aside and become fierce for my family. As I got older, still in elementary school, I learned that not showing fear, instead showing courage and confronting bullies, etc. was how I could best survive and care for my brother and sister. I was 25 when I finally sought mental health counseling as I recognized that my relationships were awful. I could not give in to letting myself be loved, and was panicking a lot. I'm so thankful that I was able to see that the problem was mine. Well, mine and society's. I worked hard to learn over the next 5 years or so how to express my anger, love and vulnerability, and how to handle my fears. During those years I divorced my alcoholic husband who is no doubt on the Spectrum (I now know)and after several years met and married current husband of 36 years.

Now, my problem is more about letting myself be "helped" too much. That's partly because I am still trying to please, and my husband is more than happy to "rescue" me. I don't like it, so I'm asking/telling him more and more to stop rescuing me. He acquiesces quickly, so I figure he doesn't like it either. LOL Still learning and adjusting our relationship with each year as we change in our elder years. He has been my rock of safety all these years because I know he loves me completely. He's not always happy with what I do or don't do, as I am with him, but we love each other deeply and work to change what we need in our relationship, while being true to our individual selves.

All this to say that I understand the importance and difficulty of asking for help when I need it. Love and peace to you Mamacita.

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I did my best to aggravate and annoy her whilst she was recovering and got dehammered and still not quite toey yet

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Hello me lovelies! Mamacita here. Days pass all too quickly and I feel a bit lost here. What is going on in your neck of the woods? Last I was here, we talked a bit about the need for asking for help. This is a serious issue in the Autism Community. I did not know I was on the Spectrum when I was young. So I did not feel that I needed any accommodations in the workplace. I didn't disclose my Autism because I was unaware that I had it. What are your feelings on this subject? If you are an employer, what is your take on this?

Inquiring minds want to know! Let's explore this subject together. We are better together, you know. Can I ask a favor? Dig down deep and we would really like to hear what you think. Bye for now!

Mamacita

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@mamacita

Hello me lovelies! Mamacita here. Days pass all too quickly and I feel a bit lost here. What is going on in your neck of the woods? Last I was here, we talked a bit about the need for asking for help. This is a serious issue in the Autism Community. I did not know I was on the Spectrum when I was young. So I did not feel that I needed any accommodations in the workplace. I didn't disclose my Autism because I was unaware that I had it. What are your feelings on this subject? If you are an employer, what is your take on this?

Inquiring minds want to know! Let's explore this subject together. We are better together, you know. Can I ask a favor? Dig down deep and we would really like to hear what you think. Bye for now!

Mamacita

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Yo,@sirgalahad, so good to hear from you! May I say, and let the entire world know, what a good friend you have been to me during my entire recovery?

For those who may not know, yours truly had a surgery almost six weeks ago that I am still recovering from. Hammertoe surgery, although painful to a degree. For at least four weeks.

Having lived much of my life in denial, thinking I could do anything, I was ilk prepared for this adventure. I needed help with much more than I ever could have realized.

Our friend here, sirgalahad, kept me laughing, crying, researching, listening, and motivated, during my recovery. He even communicated with our esteemed moderators for me, giving them the information that I was struggling a bit.

Our fellow members, moderstors, and lovely Director, all conspired together to keep me smiling. For this, I take my hat off to you all! You are true examples of what dear friends should be. Whether Neurotypical or on the Spectrum. Everyone should be so lucky!

Hugs and kisses to you all. Oh. But if that is too sensory for you, don't worry about it! Until I hear from you again!

Mamacita

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