Seeing if there are any other parents in here

Hi, I can relate. A couple of ideas:

- I like the “‘This works for us, thanks.’” advice from this columnist Carolyn Hax: Relentless scrutiny makes family visits a stressful chore: (gift link) https://wapo.st/3Ym7EYo

- And this one: Carolyn Hax: When grandparents visit, toddler still goes to day care: (gift link) https://wapo.st/45gpmP5 . What about something like, “I appreciate your desire to hold your grandchild, but my child responds badly to disrupted routines and may make their already tired parent pay dearly for it.”

- Lastly, sometimes taking a break from family visits, whether permanent or temporary, is essential to mending one’s mental health—in the care of a therapist. That’s what I did. One of the more successful ways to make that break is a self-focused approach. “You might say, ‘I hope you can understand, but I have some things internally I’m working on for me and my child. I’ll be in touch down the road when I can.’”

I hope something here is helpful; keep reaching out to us for support, and please take good care of yourself.

I appreciate it sadly we rely on my parents a good bit for multiple financial things one of which being therapy for me. We are going to take a brake for a bit from them but still makes me feel weird I guess when they help us financially.

Many young adults like yourself still rely on their parents for money and have difficulties staying afloat and managing finances in this difficult economy. There is no shame to lean on your parents right now; it’s understandable. But you don’t need to start earning all of your own money to make adult decisions about yourselves and your child. Like the other article says, you might let them know that you need to take a break for a little while to build your own child-raising skills and confidence to manage your affairs.

As the last article says, “[I]n the end, these are your own decisions. Use their input as a tool and even as a guide, but don’t allow them to make the decisions about your life [and your child’s], especially if you feel it’s wrong for you. If they can’t rationally explain why they want you to do things a certain way, then it’s a sign that you should trust your own reasoning. Your goal here is your independence. Ideally, you can do this while maintaining a great relationship with your parents, but that’s not always a given. Respect what they’re saying, but make your own decisions. After all, this is your life.”

Hope you find some of this helpful. Best luck and happy to talk more...

Two more advice columns:
How can I take back control of my life when my parents support me financially?
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/21/how-can-i-take-back-control-of-my-life-when-my-parents-support-me-financially

Breaking Away from Financial Dependence on Your Parents
https://www.thesimpledollar.com/financial-wellness/breaking-away-from-financial-dependence-on-your-parents/utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thesimpledollar+%28The+Simple+Dollar%29

And some recent statistics to show that you’re not alone:
Lots of American millennials still depend on the bank of mom and dad — but they also say their parents are bad financial role models (survey found 54% of US millennials and Gen Zers are dependent on their parents.
https://www.businessinsider.com/us-millennials-gen-z-money-habits-parents-financial-help-spending-2023-6

A lot of young adults aren't financially independent. Here's what parents can do (different perspective but some good tips here too)
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/a-lot-of-young-adults-arent-financially-independent-heres-what-parents-can-do-173631356.html

Hi, it looks like the Simple Dollar article link broke; you can find it by going to startpage.com and entering the article title: Breaking Away from Financial Dependence on Your Parents

An older friend of mine once said the he and his wife had agreed that it was better to help their grown children during a time of need, than to leave them an inheritance when they might not need it. My wife and I have done likewise, grateful to be able to help, glad that they called on us.

When it comes to parents, there is no instruction manual on how to raise your children. Rely on your virtuous values, use common sense, and learn from successes as well as mistakes. Observe the plusses and minuses in others as a possible guide. Let your children live and grow in their own way without living your life through them. Live your own life.

When it comes to grandparents, the relationship is not the same as being parents. It's all the love with none of the responsibilities. Ultimately deference should be given to the grandchildren's parents, who have the actual day to day care.

@cody123567890, how are you doing?

I'm surviving, like so many others. Next week I'll be getting a PET/CT to see if I'm in remission. If I am, there will be two more cycles of chemo, then immune globulin for maintenance. My wife and family still tolerate my grumpiness. I'm still able to mow our lawn, do housework, and other things to stay on my feet, and pass the time. My doctor tells me to eat more ice cream, drink plenty of milk shakes. It could have been a lot worse.